when life gets in the way

When Life Gets in the Way – Tell Me About

I don’t own a blog, nor have much experience by the way of a D/s lifestyle, but I am able to relate at some level to the prompt suggested for Tell Me About this time – When Life Gets In The Way. Recently Hananoki and I established a D/s relationship in addition to our 10-year marriage. This past year for many has created many blocks/barriers to their relationship and although I understand everyone has different circumstances, I feel that life for us as a couple has improved significantly. So how does this fit into the prompt – When Life Gets in the Way?

Life generally for us, nurturing and raising four young children is very busy. We have immersed ourselves as parents in ensuring that our children have had the best upbringing we can offer to the detriment of our relationship. It has never lacked love, by any stretch of the imagination, but our focus has been children, family, schooling and work. Weekends would be filled with planning family adventures, picnics at the beach and park, visiting extended family, blowing bubbles on nature walks and indulging in family board games of an evening. This is our life, it didn’t really feel like our relationship was talking a backseat, but it was. Children haven’t always been our focus, though growing from children together ourselves we seemed to quickly follow a faced paced lifestyle of College, University/Apprenticeship whilst marrying and conceiving our first child whilst I was in my final year of university.

This past year has provided us ample time to reground and reconnect. We have not been able to enrich our time connecting with the outdoors, but have found great comfort in each other’s company and as a family. Time has had the most influence on mine and Hananoki’s relationship as a whole, it gave me time to reflect on a personal level about feelings I have had concealed for a number of years, and subsequently voice them to my husband, only to find that the feelings are actually mutual. I didn’t have any understanding what these feelings were, other than it went against everything that society has told me as I female that I need to be. What sort of woman would want to surrender control or submit to their husband? A broken one? In my own thoughts that was something that was best left for the history books as it made me feel out of the ordinary.

I was able to muster enough confidence to communicate my desire to feel dominated to Hananoki, in a sort of roundabout way back in July last year. This is when we really started to see a change. Sex was more intense and feelings of domination in the bedroom alone created much contended feelings to which D/s has now extended further into including elements of D/s outside of the bedroom. On a personal level, self acceptance of the underlying feelings has been liberating though there is still room for progress in areas where i still struggle to accept certain feelings as okay.

As normality is arguably only just on the horizon, I am not sure I’m able to offer any support into how we can prevent normal life getting in the way or even if it will at all. I’m hoping for it to slot into place like a final jigsaw piece, but when does life ever go as planned?  In terms of Dominance and submission we haven’t totally experienced it without covid restrictions. This year I feel I have reconnected to a small part of myself that was hidden purely because we have had time to appreciate each other’s company rather than it being masked by fulfilling a normal busy family life. The series of lockdowns we as a country have endured have provided opportunity to establish foundations within our dynamic that I feel we would have not otherwise discovered.

I wouldn’t change any of it though. Our family is our world, and the children will always have our main focus and attention, but we as a couple will strive to make time for each other and fulfil our needs and desires too.

This post has been added to the Tell Me About prompt this time which is Life Gets in the Way. To see who else is linking up with tips about what to do when life events take over, please check out the site by clicking on the badge above.

Click here to read more of our SWC Tell Me About posts or alternatively read more about Building a D/s Dynamic, by clicking to view posts in that category.

Posted in Building a D/s Dynamic, Tell Me About and tagged , , , , .

12 Comments

  1. Hana,

    Thanks for sharing. We too have found that going through the lockdowns and other restrictions has resulted in our relationship being closer than ever and then venturing into exploring our D/s dynamic.

    One of the things we have learnt is that you have to allow your dynamic to flex around life – just like the vanilla side of a relationship?

    Sir Paul

    • Thankyou. I’m sorry I hadn’t seen your reply. It’s not showing up on the website but is on the wordpress app for some reason. Yes I’m sure that will be the case with us too, and like you mentioned has been the case with our relationship previously.

  2. Congratulations on your first post hana! It is fabulous. I love your approach to the prompt and how you show life getting in the way of your finding D/s sooner. You and Noki have built a solid foundation and I have no doubt that when the world does open back up, you will continue to prioritize the new dynamic you have built together.

    csp

    • Sorry CSP I responded here yesterday morning but it obviously hasn’t shown up.

      Thankyou for your lovely comments. SWC has been an amazing support and starting out so to speak. We are both really grateful for everyone’s chats.

      Oh I do hope so. It has been eye-opening.

  3. Thankyou CSP. The SWC has been an immense support since becoming members in the last month. Everyone has been so welcoming and supportive. So grateful.

  4. Great to read some of your background, Hana, and about your life. I think life will always have the tendency to get in the way, sometimes more, sometimes less, and as long as we stay connected to the center, we will always get back to it.
    ~ Marie

  5. Great to both see youyr first post and an insight into your new D/s life. Please continue to share, and maybe get blogging yourself!

  6. Great blog!

    “I have reconnected to a small part of myself that was hidden”

    Don’t worry, the connection won’t dissolve even when life is “normal” again. Finding time will be an issue, but that’s one almost all of us have to deal with: you’ll be fine, I’m sure!

    CPM

  7. I really enjoyed reading this Hana and so pleased that you have found your way to add D/s to your existing relationship in a way which clearly works so well. I look forward to finding out more about your journey. Missy x

  8. Thank you Hana for this post. I can relate like so many others. It was great speaking with you the other day. My Dom has been wonderful teaching me, and he also encourages me to learn on my own. So this site has been heaven sent.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.