I don’t own a blog, nor have much experience by the way of a D/s lifestyle, but I am able to relate at some level to the prompt suggested for Tell Me About this time – When Life Gets In The Way. Recently Hananoki and I established a D/s relationship in addition to our 10-year marriage. This past year for many has created many blocks/barriers to their relationship and although I understand everyone has different circumstances, I feel that life for us as a couple has improved significantly. So how does this fit into the prompt – When Life Gets in the Way?
Life generally for us, nurturing and raising four young children is very busy. We have immersed ourselves as parents in ensuring that our children have had the best upbringing we can offer to the detriment of our relationship. It has never lacked love, by any stretch of the imagination, but our focus has been children, family, schooling and work. Weekends would be filled with planning family adventures, picnics at the beach and park, visiting extended family, blowing bubbles on nature walks and indulging in family board games of an evening. This is our life, it didn’t really feel like our relationship was talking a backseat, but it was. Children haven’t always been our focus, though growing from children together ourselves we seemed to quickly follow a faced paced lifestyle of College, University/Apprenticeship whilst marrying and conceiving our first child whilst I was in my final year of university.
This past year has provided us ample time to reground and reconnect. We have not been able to enrich our time connecting with the outdoors, but have found great comfort in each other’s company and as a family. Time has had the most influence on mine and Hananoki’s relationship as a whole, it gave me time to reflect on a personal level about feelings I have had concealed for a number of years, and subsequently voice them to my husband, only to find that the feelings are actually mutual. I didn’t have any understanding what these feelings were, other than it went against everything that society has told me as I female that I need to be. What sort of woman would want to surrender control or submit to their husband? A broken one? In my own thoughts that was something that was best left for the history books as it made me feel out of the ordinary.
I was able to muster enough confidence to communicate my desire to feel dominated to Hananoki, in a sort of roundabout way back in July last year. This is when we really started to see a change. Sex was more intense and feelings of domination in the bedroom alone created much contended feelings to which D/s has now extended further into including elements of D/s outside of the bedroom. On a personal level, self acceptance of the underlying feelings has been liberating though there is still room for progress in areas where i still struggle to accept certain feelings as okay.
As normality is arguably only just on the horizon, I am not sure I’m able to offer any support into how we can prevent normal life getting in the way or even if it will at all. I’m hoping for it to slot into place like a final jigsaw piece, but when does life ever go as planned? In terms of Dominance and submission we haven’t totally experienced it without covid restrictions. This year I feel I have reconnected to a small part of myself that was hidden purely because we have had time to appreciate each other’s company rather than it being masked by fulfilling a normal busy family life. The series of lockdowns we as a country have endured have provided opportunity to establish foundations within our dynamic that I feel we would have not otherwise discovered.
I wouldn’t change any of it though. Our family is our world, and the children will always have our main focus and attention, but we as a couple will strive to make time for each other and fulfil our needs and desires too.
This post has been added to the Tell Me About prompt this time which is Life Gets in the Way. To see who else is linking up with tips about what to do when life events take over, please check out the site by clicking on the badge above.