Turning The BDSM Switch On and Off

To whomever reads this blog needs to understand, this blog (entry) is my opinion and my opinion only.

I have seen a common frustration through my travels as I attempted to help others to understand the true meaning of BDSM (Reddit), Sub Elizabeth has also advocated the same frustration as the other Sub’s that I have spoken with.

I have spent a lot of time pondering over this issue trying to come up with an answer that makes sense and at the same time help alleviate some of the frustrations that Subs experience. I knew it was important to think this through completely due to the impact it may have on their lives, I did not want to add to their frustrations.

The common denominator that these Subs are experiencing is how do you flip a switch between Vanilla and BDSM? This question is a real issue for most, I also at times still deal with this issue with Sub Elizabeth. I will be honest at first, I did not know what to say besides the normal obvious things that I have read and heard from different sources including our community.

One afternoon a couple of months ago Sub Elizabeth purchased a few items for work, I sat in my chair as she tried them on hoping these new items would be approved. She said I have one more item, I have a new costume I purchased for my evening wear (I got excited then) I graciously said great let’s see it and that’s when the answer came to me.

I said Sub Elizabeth “thank you” she looked at me funny and said “Master I don’t understand”, I said you know the issue I have been talking about and I cannot seem to find an answer, she replied the flipping of the switch? I replied exactly. I believe you may have given me the start to the answer I have been looking for, bless my Subs heart, she was really confused then.

I believe with all my being we are who we are, so why are we changing personalities to fit a socially deprived lifestyle? I feel if you are BDSM we change the way we present ourselves socially to fit in a social setting (vanilla) that we are surrounded by during employment. 

Sub Elizabeth and I sat down and discussed what I was proposing to help soften the frustrations of the flipping of the switch. I explained to Sub Elizabeth by riding both sides of the fence cause issue between us at times. I said to her, let me explain, I have noticed your frustrations in the past few months, due to your unapproved clothing purchases. Your clothing was not approved due to the type of clothing you were purchasing, I had to reprimand you several times due to you being a brat and I feel your actions were brought on by vanillaism.

I am truly thankful that I have a supporting Sub that strives to please her Master, it makes it much easier to workout issues and the challenges of our BDSM lifestyle.

I unveiled to Sub Elizabeth, how we are going to address and mitigate the flipping of the switch frustrations, I suggested to her the first thing we are going to do is STOP flipping the switch. I continued to explain to her that I feel the problem is switching “who we are to who we are not”, she looked at me and said with an excited voice “I cannot wear my BDSM clothes to work” I chuckled and the smartass in me said “why not”. I was still smiling, as I could see the concerned look in her eyes, I said of course not, you will wear a costume, she replied quickly “now really!” yes, you are going to wear your new vanilla costumes that you just purchased.

I think if we change our mindset to how we look and handle the Vanilla Lifestyle that Society impresses on us, we can and will change the way the BDSM Communities intertwine with the Vanilla Society. I agree we must change a few items to be able to comingle and survive employment opportunities but we do not have to change WHO WE ARE! I explained further to Sub Elizabeth the clothes she wears to work she needs to consider and view them as costumes. The costumes you wear portrays a role that requires you to change your vocabulary, honorifics, and submissive role. When changing to your evening wear when you arrive at home, the role that the costume commands is over and you are back to who you are.  

If we consider the role, we play in the Vanilla World as a scene that requires different costumes and actions then when the scene is over all we have to do is take off the costume. I feel this mind set will help softens the frustrations of flipping the BDSM switch and help prevent the mind set “I have to change who I am”.

Thanks