He said, “Yes, sort of… The beginning of our married D/s dynamic was a surprise, and like many couples, I, the submissive, initiated it.
For just under 40 years we had a comfortable vanilla relationship with quite kinky sex, and we were both relatively content with this arrangement. Neither of us felt like we were missing anything; I did not feel an overwhelming need to be submissive or to serve, and LM (LeatherMan) was happy with kinky sex. So what happened?
A bonfire happened. But, before the bonfire, there was a lot of research. I tend to pick topics that interest me and learn about them, often doing a deep dive. I like to learn. I had been interested in the concept of dominance, and subsequently submission, for over a decade and decided to learn more. For two years prior to the bonfire I followed several submissives on YouTube, read various blogs on submission and researched information on bdsm. A lot of the time the information was very obviously presented by people not in the lifestyle, especially in the scientific studies, and I generally took that information with a grain of salt. If they were not in the lifestyle, I felt that the information was likely to be inaccurate or, at best, incomplete (I have since learned that my skepticism is well-founded). Getting reputable information on a lifestyle not widely accepted turned out to be somewhat difficult. LM was aware that I was doing all of this research but really thought nothing of it. Frankly, neither did I; I was researching another unrelated topic as well. One thing I did not do was watch movies or read fiction books about the D/s dynamic or bdsm in general, and I am not sure why.
However, I did develop even more of an interest in the dynamic between dominance and submission, found it appealing, but did not think of it in the context of my own life. LM, being the kinky soul that he is, was well-versed in kink and bdsm overall, and had been for many years. Generally speaking, if I ever had questions about bdsm or kink, I could ask and he would explain. LM also does a lot of reading and research on numerous topics, including bdsm, though his “research” at the time was often largely visual.
In March of this year it was chilly in the evenings and LM decided he was going to have a bit of a bonfire as part of a clean-up he was having around his workshop. I *love* bonfires dearly and when LM realized I wanted to sit near the fire, he went out of his way to find a comfortable chair for me, set it up close to the fire, and found more stuff to burn. I did something I rarely do: I drank beer and let the flames mesmerize me. I had a couple beers too many (I cannot recollect how many I actually drank, but it felt like a twelve-pack or three the next morning).
While watching the flames dance I rather languidly tossed the idea of a D/s dynamic in my head. I thought about the pros and cons of our current relationship, thought of how the D/s might change both, and decided to see if LM was interested. I did not even consider how to approach the topic, I just heard words falling out of my mouth: “I want to be dominated.” He stopped, turned, and without missing a beat, said, “That can be arranged.” So he said “yes,” sort of, when I sort of asked, and this was the beginning of our married D/s dynamic.