We thought that it would be a good idea to do a collaborative post for this topic as everyone manages things a little differently. So here goes for our top tips:
Christmas day will be at my in-laws so here are some fun tips for maintaining the dynamic when in the company of family:
- Write a lovely message on your sub’s thigh. Nobody will see, but everytime they go to the loo they’ll read “my dirty little slut” (or other message). A small reminder of who’s they are. For a Christmas twist try “My hoe, hoe, hoe.”
- It’s easy to overindulge over Christmas. If your sub has a health regime, plate up their dinner for them, remember plenty of vegetables. If they’ve been naughty consider banning their favourite food, no brandy butter for you this Christmas.
- When at the dinner table crackers are pulled and party hats are put on. Why not tell your sub that they must not take it off until you tell them to. Who knows when that will be!
- After your meal you may end up stuck in a conversation with a family member. To add some spice throw in some kinky words, but don’t let them notice.
Things can get a bit busy and stressful over the holidays. Although we haven’t been in our D/s dynamic long enough to have experienced Christmas yet, I think making a bit of an extra effort to maintain our dynamic will pay off. Our day is spent at my parents with extended family so we will have to be subtle.
I think for us the basics will help, making sure we keep up our rituals is a big part of this. Especially as there won’t be as much time to play with all the family events, so keeping the basics going will help us maintain our connection. There are some rituals we have in place that also work in a vanilla setting, for example I’m not allowed to start eating before PurpleSole. This is something we can do around the family table that no one will notice but helps us to feel the power exchange.
For me active submission will play a big role. Attending to PS in a service manner, for example making sure his glass is kept full, will keep me in my mindset throughout the day. Little things that are just slight reminders of our true selves that we keep hidden from others.
I think the main thing is to support each other and be understanding of the situation, if extended family is stressing you out try to lean on each other instead of against. At the end of the day if it doesn’t go the way you envisioned accept it and move on, don’t beat yourselves up… Well unless you wish to, in a consensual fun way of course.
Surviving the holidays for me requires two things if I am to remain anywhere near a submissive headspace: Lots of control and direction from HisLordship; time to escape from the crowds and unwind. Christmas at ours is be busy and the last few years there has not been the time that I feel I need to prepare in a way that will ensure it all goes smoothly. As a result I can easily find myself running around to unrealistic expectations that I have put upon myself. I need to stop. But I won’t stop on my own so I need to be made to stop. When I am relaxed I can manage much better but when I am not I tend to try to take control, micro managing to the nth detail in a way which is not helpful.
Unfortunately, knowing doesn’t mean doing so I need HL to take the control away from me and just tell me what to do and where to be. It isn’t quite as easy as this as there will still be the unrealistic expectations to fullfil so what works best is for me to present the lists and the schedule, to talk about the hows and the whys and the whats and then for him to decide how much of that can and will happen and to add in some self care for me. Part of the issue is that my head is already well on the way to organising the festive break as a one man band and he is just getting around to thinking about the fact that it will soon be upon us, so communication is the key. Talking, talking, more talking and then of course, the telling. Oh how the telling helps. Tell me what to do, please Sir.
The festive holidays have always been something I look forward to, and yet sometimes they seem to be a challenge on several levels. In our household we have five children of adult age and two more close behind. That’s a lot of opinions and enthusiasm! There will always be a power struggle in that large dynamic and if you throw in an outspoken eighty-year-old grandfather, you really do have competition to be heard. In addition to all that you have the continual preparation of meals and the kid’s social diary that would make have a revolving door on the house much simpler. At the centre of all this is missy and I, trying to balance many spinning plates. We have become quite adapt to doing this, although occasionally there is the sound of breaking crockery!
My top tip to surviving the holidays is to make sure you maintain a connection during the day and plan for the night. The connection can be a touch, a look or even a good old-fashioned kiss. Try not to expect the same link you have during an average weekend as this far from that; discuss what is likely to de-rail you, plan a strategy for it and hold each other to it.
For us, missy tries to be many things for many people and invariably gets worn out or on occasion let down by those she has chosen to look after. She will continue at a pace that needs managing, sometimes to the extent of being told to STOP! So, for this Christmas I will be watching her closely and at times telling her to do what is best for her, even if she doesn’t realise at the time!