submission and I

Submission and I

I had a little fantasy in my little box, locked away until….. you guessed it, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’. I’ve never been a lover of books but started to read a lot more. I couldn’t get enough of them. Throw in a life changing event that made me think ‘fuck it life is too short’, and the little box was unlocked. I wasn’t tech savvy (still not now) so joining an online community was also a big deal, but after chatting with Sir we agreed it would be OK. I joined in with some chats and luckily I met Missy there. She appeared to be down to earth and I could chat quite openly with her. It all felt quite normal.

I have been with Sir 28 years. When we met I was quite fiery, had lots of opinions on nothing important. I was young. I’d had a couple of boyfriends but this felt different. We talked a lot about what was acceptable to each of us, where we would like to go, what we would like to do, we felt like equals, encouraged and supported each other and had lots of sex. I am calmer around Sir, finally content. There was no competition between us, no tit-for-tat, I wasn’t jealous if he went out. I trusted him completely and still do, even when he received attention. We have always been each other’s best friend and quite happily spend all of our spare time together. He is my safe place and keeps me grounded.

Any plans are discussed and decided together. Although with Sirs work commitments we fit around what is doable for him, meaning that he generally has the final say. I would not agree to do anything like meeting a friend or going out, without first speaking to him, and it’s not about permission just consideration. Some years ago a colleague commented on how considerate we are towards each other (pre D/s) and she just informs her husband if she is going out. I remember thinking ‘that’s good of you!’ In our everyday life we do whatever needs to be done to give us maximum quality time together. Sir will do chores so when I get home so we have child free time to be together. Don’t get me wrong life has not been a bed of roses for us. There have been huge ups and downs, but our solid foundations have given us the love and strength to get through all the crap that drops on our doorstep through no fault of our own.

When D/s came onto my radar it wasn’t about Sir taking control of day-to-day life. It was about play, pleasure and pain. Fast forward a short while and following another life changing event, I struggled to function. Sir spent a couple of months micro managing me just to keep me functioning. Knowing Sir was under a lot of stress to constantly keep tabs on me, texting and calling to make sure things were being done and the disappointment I felt in myself, for not being able to remember simple tasks each time I received a text, is somewhere I don’t want to go again. Making lists for myself, which Sir can add to, and me texting him while he is at work let’s him know ‘I’m OK ‘ which is super important. I need him to know I’m alright as well as when I’m not, which he usually picks up on before I do.

So our D/s is bedroom/play based. I feel my submission allows us both to let go, experiment, explore. Knowing that we are, all these years later, prepared to do that bit more, spend a bit more time on each other reinforces how good we are together. If I’m good to go, he will decide if and how we will play. Sometimes I’m told or I get hints. For me submitting to him not only reignited my fantasies but has also been an escape when we have had no control in events around us. To let Sir take complete control and just respond to his words and actions. To enter the bedroom and shut out the world. To just be Sir and I doing something that feels good. To be in that happy place. I can experience pain to a point that I feel a release, where my head is empty of everything but the here and now. To feel pleasure to the point I think I will explode. Hearing amusement in Sir’s voice at my discomfort, physical or mental, makes my tummy flutter. I get a warm fuzzy feeling of being loved when I’m submitting.

Whether on my knees gagging on his cock or suspended over the bed being paddled and flogged knowing Sir has a domrod doing it is my heaven. Having snuggles to come down, drifting to sleep then being woken by Sir pushing his cock back into me, it’s all part of it. D/s has added an extra layer to our relationship and I’ll take it while I can.

Posted in Living a D/s Lifestyle and tagged , , , .

6 Comments

  1. Thank you for writing this lilly. It is always so interesting to find out more about how submission works for others and especially about the journey that they have been on with it. I am really pleased that we came across each other on that site and have been able to become friends and learn from each other 🙂

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