As the focus for this week is spanking, we thought it would be good to get a bit of an insight into what some of us like about spanking, how we use it, and how it adds to our dynamic. Personally I have written a lot on my own blog about the topic and this is because we see it as being quite central to our relationship. In addition, I am a self-confessed spanko so really the more the better, however, the sound of your mum’s bum being struck repeatedly by your dad tends to raise suspicion so we have not been able to embrace as fully as we would have liked, the real pleasures of this past-time.
What we thought would be good would be to have a bit of a collaborative approach to this post, as what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another. As a result it has been co-authored by HisLordship, Purple Sole, littlegem, Mister Man and Beth. There are also links at the bottom of the page (pardon the pun) to other posts that we have written that will expand on what we are able to say here.
I love being spanked. I enjoy humiliation play so part of it is the feeling of embarrassment and exposure as my bottom is presented and uncovered for HisLordship. We mostly engage in erotic spanking and being over his knee is my favourite position as I love the physical contact with him. It will send me into a submissive head-space pretty fast and I will drift off, becoming lost in the exquisite combination of pleasure and pain. That position also means that he has a hand free to play with me and he will mix it up, combining heavy strikes, pinches and even bites with a bit of attention to my clit and arsehole. Often by the end I am thoroughly relaxed and ‘able to take anything’, as he so tenderly says.
Spanking is also a really good reset for us. We have often used it if things have got off track a bit as it puts each of us firmly in our respective head-spaces. This sort of spanking is not erotic like the other type, but neither is it a punishment. It is a connector and usually goes along with a dialogue where he is resetting the terms and commitment to each other that we have both agreed to abide by on a D/s level. It pulls us back in a physical sense, combining the emotional connection that we thrive on with something very physical and allowing us to put whatever has happened behind us (pun not intended this time) so that we can move forward together again, feeling good in our Dominance and submission.
Spanking for us is usually an activity done in the prone position, as opposed to standing up. With missy being shorter than me, spanking homoerectus can put a bit of a strain on the lower back. The other reason is that we both like to be real close. I get a lot from this on a personal level (see post below!).
Following best practice I do tend to start very lightly with the odd pinch and rub. The blood flow is important and it also gives us time to relax into it. Pinching, rubbing and tapping all slowly builds the next phase of getting some sound from the skin. I should say clitoral stimulation is also important for us so I will occasionally touch in that area before eventually bringing a wand into play.
By the time we have warmed up and I have a good rhythm going I will check in with missy to ensure she is okay to go further; she has never said no and that is my cue to turn up the vibrations and the impact. The great thing about spanking is you can play around for as long as you wish, going back and forth until finally when I want an orgasm it’s never far away!
Spanking for us is usually used as a warm up to further impact play. It’s something we used to do daily like a maintenance, but decided to instead do a longer session once a week. It became quite intense to do more frequently as I enter into sub-space quite deeply.
I enjoy the mix of pain and pleasure that a spanking gives me, especially when it gets harder, the tingles it sends through my body. The feeling of PurpleSole’s hand against my warming bottom makes me feel connected to him and appreciate his Dominance.
I usually get Gem to stand against a door, maybe shackle her hands. I rub, nip and squeeze her skin before beginning the spanking, so it gets nice and rosy. I feel its important to keep a close physical connection so she can feel my body next to hers. I prefer the spanking to be more like a slap rather than a thud so use an upward motion, maybe I just like the way her bottom moves.
When I first started researching D/s I came across spanking. Erotic spankings didn’t interest me. Being corporally punished for breaking protocol, being in the wrong position, forgetting his title, etc., seemed to harsh; repetition and reminders would work better for me. But I did have a need for motivation with my household chores. I came across Domestic Discipline in my reading and thought that punishment spankings would a practical way to motivate me. Mr Man was very hesitant at first but we talked about it a lot and he reluctantly agreed. The first few times did not produce the remorse and strong desire in me to change, but we kept at it. We discovered that while he shouldn’t punish in anger, I did need to hear his displeasure and annoyance to get to the right head space of remorse and contrition. I’m not spanked often but when I am they are very effective. I really appreciate Mr Man’s willingness to help motivate me in this way.
We spank exclusively for correction, as neither of us enjoy them. (We’re actually a bit jealous of couples who are able to spank for fun.) They’ve never been more than a necessary evil, but they’ve never been less than necessary, so we’ve had to explore and embrace the various techniques and mindsets to find what would work for us.
Spanking is always done OTK with Beth completely naked. The vulnerable position and state of undress, outside of an erotic context, helps set the stage for the right mindset of making Beth feel meek and receptive to correction. Once in position, we always start at the other end, meaning we stop and have a lecture so I can get into her head and further cement the distinction between her actions and my expectations. Honestly we never get to this point without the lecture pretty well having already been sorted, so I always start with “Why are we here?” and Beth explains back to me her understanding of what went wrong and what needed correction.
Once in place, the swats begin. I use a silicone paddle that delivers an astonishing sting all at once with no warmup time. (Caveat: most couples are strongly encouraged to warm up before a punishment spanking, both to increase sensitivity and decrease the risk of bruising. We have found that warmups have the exact opposite effect on Beth; they decrease sensitivity and increase bruising! So out they went. This is very much a thing we had to discover for ourselves and I do not recommend embracing this without your own experimentation.) The actual spanking probably lasts no more than twenty to thirty seconds, but those swats inflict a level of pain that goes very deep into “consensual nonconsent” territory.
Afterwards, I move us both up onto the bed and I hold her while she cries. I praise her for submitting to correction and for taking her spanking well. She’s never happy to receive a spanking, but she never fails to thank me for being willing to provide her this level of intense negative reinforcement. We don’t enjoy spanking, but we enjoy the results, so they remain a part of our D/s.