Spanking and me

Spanking and me

Spanking had never been a something we dabbled in. It had never been discussed. Never seen in a movie or read in a book. Never suggested.

Until one day…

During pregnancy, my hormones skyrocket and I am a horny mess. I am much more forward in my initiation than is my o-so-coy usual approach. So, there I was -very very pregnant, nude on all fours in bed, belly jutting out, having a mid-day romp. Having quite a fun mid-day romp as a matter of fact. This is before he was Sir. Before D/s. Back in the vanilla days.
And he smacks my ass. Once. Twice. He hesitates.
I find some sort of voice in the midst of what now is escalating.
And he indulged me vigorously. He let out what must have been some years of kink building up right upon my bottom. I came. HARD. He came. He asked if I was ok. I said yes.
We both went about our day.
No discussion ensued.

Later that evening I notice my bruised bottom. I admire it. I turn and pose in the mirror, big protruding belly on one side, round bruised bottom on the other. I bend over to get a better look. It is a strange enigma. It fills me with warmth and a craving I can’t quite place and am too afraid to examine closely.

He clearly had lost control. My bottom was a map of purple and blue. I am anemic and bruise easily so it doesn’t take much. It was sore every time I sat down. And it made me smile. A secret cherished smile. And a strange leap in my abdomen when I found myself ruminating on it. I SHOULD be offended. Angry. Upset. Something normal. I mean- LOOK! And look I did over and over that day. But never found that “normal” response I was looking for in myself.

Later that night I stripped down to change into pajamas, clearly, in front of him. I wanted him to see. I wanted to see his reaction to the aftermath. Would he admire it? Would we talk about it?
He did react. He profusely apologized. He was very serious about it. Very remorseful. That I was 9 months pregnant was not helpful. It looked like abuse. He said he didn’t know what came over him. He’d never do that again.
My heart sank. I felt my eyes well up.
“Yes, I am ok. No, I’m not angry. I just bruise easy, its ok. No, I don’t think you’re a jackass. Of course, I forgive you.”
For what do you say? I am quite a proper girl after all. I rarely initiate sex. Certainly don’t talk about it. I had never even masturbated alone in my life.
I went to a midwife appointment the following day. Ass all bruised to hell and on display since we have to do a cervical check. I think I blushed and stammered something about falling down. I am a terrible liar.
I told him about the cervical check. He looked concerned and groaned. “What did you say?” he asked. “Something about falling down. She didn’t ask anymore questions about it.”
“O. Good.”
And that was that. And back to our vanilla life went.

Fast forward eight months. Many major life stresses happened during this time. Birth. Career changes. Life Plan changes. Major medical problems with the children.
And through it we grew closer and closer, and talked sex and intimacy more and more. We clung to it like a life raft in the midst of a shipwreck. We started sexting. We started planning out long sexy evenings together. We talked about it the next day. We planned our sex escapes together. I sent nude photos for the first time. I masturbated alone for the first time (I was 29).
We started discussing our Fantasies.
And I confessed my attraction to Dominance and submission. Through sexy Loki memes I had found on pintrest. That’s right. Thank you Loki. My hands sweated as I push send on that first meme. O god. What would he think? What would he think if he knew THIS is what I wanted, what I fantasized about. What would he think of me?
And I said… “Do you remember that one time….?”
Yes. He remembered. He remembered vividly. He had thought about it many times. And so had I. He was never really sorry. And neither was I.
And so that night I got my second spanking.
And it was the beginning of the end of the Vanilla. Sounds of the SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! on my ass, signalising the start of something altogether new.
Six months later I had ‘Sir’ tattooed upon a very bruised bottom.

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Related posts – Spanking it up at the SWC

9 thoughts on “Spanking and me

  1. This was a really interesting post Emma and I enjoyed reading about it. It is always fun to go back to the beginning and remember how things started. If only we knew then lol

  2. Dear Emma, thank you.

    I’m very similar to you and I have had a similarly hard time wrestling my Christian beliefs with my inner desires.
    I grew up in an extremely conservative wing of Christianity. I’m male, 50, a scientist, a former Royal Marine, married, but I’m submissive.
    I have also conducted the same research as you, firstly to reconcile being a soldier and a Christian but recently to look into D/s & bdsm.
    The verses you’ve found are great, if you are the wife. But my problem is that I want to submit to my wife and there is even less to justify that position. The account of Samson being tied up by Delilah and his eventual capitulation to her, strikes a chord with me but arguably this is not recorded for us as a wise path to follow.
    The result is that, as a submissive male, one feels very abnormal, hides ones true desire, potentially develops a porn habit and has less sex with his wife.
    It was actually this, and knowing God’s character, that he led me to confessing this to my wife.
    God loves you and I, and everyone reading this, to bits. He doesn’t want us to separate from our spouse or partner to find what we think is better. He definitely doesn’t want us developing a porn habit. Could it also be that he wants us to know that we can talk to him about literally anything? I think so. Could it be that he wired me this way, it’s not just some accident? I hope so. Does he want us to spend so much of our life struggling to find fulfilment through our marriages or does He have plans to prosper us?
    If I role play through submission my wife it’s just possible that I am loving her and fulfilling my primary obligation as a husband. But what is certainly true is that by loving her I am demonstrating Christ’s love in our marriage. By finding my wife the source of my sexual fulfilment I am overcoming addictive porn behaviours too.
    Since there are a significant number of people who feel the same as you and I, I wonder if God even has something to teach us all through these submissive (and dominant) desires.
    Like you, I am convinced (and I’ll provide biblical references to my assertions if wanted) that a bdsm lifestyle is absolutely in keeping with being a Christian and putting God first in our relationships.

    God bless you all

    Subservient Andrew

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