Inspiration for a posts come from many sources, however, it is always good to read another person’s experiences in which you find reflections of your own life.
WildWestAngel wrote that there are often times when her submission seems to be slipping away from her. The skills required to excel in her day job embrace her personality and it makes it harder for her to be the sub she desires to be. As a result, her Dom sees less of her outward submission and in turn, he too loses focus.
I’m sure that many of you see elements of yourselves in her post. What interested me the most was the statement, ‘laying traps to test the resolve of…’ I see this behaviour in my Missy at times. I imagine it is fuelled by the same frustration that she cannot be as openly submissive as she would wish; this is enhanced by my lack of attention to feed her submission at times and the day job that requires an enormous level of emotional investment and considerable control of her self and those she supports.
I offer no solution to a situation such as this, or condemnation that you are lesser mortals than (possible) Marvel Comic characters such as Super Sub & Dynamic Dom. Sure, we are those characters from time to time, but in life there are bigger things than what is staring back at us in the mirror.
What I am not saying is that it is okay to be lazy and ignore the traps that are out there. If you were out in a forest and a bear trap was set on a public path you wouldn’t stick your leg into it just to set it off. Equally you would not, in good conscious, leave it armed to squish a small fair haired, freckled child. Like D/s, you would discuss your observation with ‘park ranger sub’ and come to a solution how to manage it. (I have no idea where the National Park analogy came from as we do not have bears in the UK, aside from some gay men!)
So well done to WildWestAngel for being honest and reminding me as a Dom that subs do get pissed off, conflicted and annoyed. When under pressure, a sub does not want a Dom to back off, she wants him to up his game and take control so that she does not have to manage the bears at work and, at home!
I find myself slipping out of the submissive mindset on occasion, and I have noticed that Hades-dono will be less Dominant sometimes. It’s difficult to tell whether this is a normal ebb in our relationship or if it is something that needs to be addressed, particularly as we spend so much time apart due to his work and digital communication lacks a great deal of inflection. There are times when the more “vanilla” headspace is necessary, as mentioned in the post. I never know if I’m feeling less submissive because he’s gone and I’m dealing with things on my own because I have to, or because I’m actually feeling less submissive toward him. (Usually his less-Dominant moods are when he’s very busy with work or very tired from working.)
I confessed that I wasn’t feeling submissive toward him once when he was abroad. I was staying with family in close quarters, he was working away, and the headspace just wasn’t there. He and I hadn’t spoken verbally in several days, and it almost felt like he was this disembodied, non-corporeal person. An online entity. (This is something I have a problem with; when I haven’t spoken to an individual in person for a while, they lose their “realness” to me. I wish I knew why that was. I have to actively remind myself of their “realness.”) Hades-dono was not pleased with my unsubly feelings, but telling him definitely snapped him into instant Dom mode. (Master mode, really.) I was told to remove my collar immediately, which brought tears to my eyes and created a more submissive mindset for me, and I was not to put it back on until I was feeling submissive to him again. It certainly reminded me of my place, and it prompted him to be a bit more active in that moment. (It didn’t take long for me to return to the proper submissive frame of mind, and earn my collar back. I feel naked without it.)
It’s so easy to lose ourselves in the daily grind of our vanilla lives. I do not seek to lay traps per se, but I do test Hades-dono on occasion. Partly because I’m a brat who enjoys needling him, partly because I want him to put me in my place. I want that explicit exertion of his power over me. It definitely alleviates the anxiety of whatever vanilla problem I am dealing with at the time, and it reinforces not only that he cares, but that he cares enough to be my Dom.