How to be Dominant or submissive and Romantic

Sometimes people in D/s relationships feel that there is little room left for being romantic. Why is this? Well one reason could be because the elements of romance are so well embedded in what you do anyway that you have stopped noticing they are there. Creating a sense of excitement and mystery may be one of the reasons why you were attracted to a power exchange dynamic in the first place, so when you have been D/s for a while it may feel like it has become the norm.

But this needn’t be the case. With a little thought and a little attention to detail, you can take the levels of romance others talk about, and top them. To be successfully romantic you need to be focussing on the following areas: being attentive, creating excitement, being original and keeping connected. As romance is the topic for tonight’s chat, I thought it would be good to use these headings as the structure and get some great ideas from others.

So here you have it: The SWC top tips for being romantic.

Being Attentive

One of the most romantic things that you can do for your partner is to show that you are thinking of them. Clearly this is something that we hope to do anyway through the various rules and rituals we have in place, but romance comes from those additional things. The little actions that show that you always have that other person on your mind, anticipating their needs and desires, and predicting how they might feel and showing that you care.

The little things we do that show we are being thoughtful

I like to provide nuts and a glass of wine after a difficult day.
I bought a bottle of shimmery gin as a surprise.
I serve him like a hostess and rub my boobs in his face.
I try to pre-empt their needs and think about what they would like.
I leave little notes in unexpected places.
I send sexy texts and sexy pictures throughout the day.
I see the little things as more valuable. The big things are difficult to organise and execute and that has a meaning, but little and often is a commitment that I appreciate a lot.
Using emoticons instead of words can be romantic.

Creating Excitement

Excitement and thrills are the name of the game in D/s, so how do you add to that? Keeping things fresh and exciting is probably one of the most important things to you and, whether you are the Dom or the sub, you can provide those little thrills for your partner.

Our secrets to keeping things fresh

We have a list of things we would like to try that I work through.
I make extra good food and touch him somewhere special that I think he will enjoy.
I will give her hints of play but not tell her the whole play to keep her guessing and to give some mystery.
I think its romantic to push someone against the wall and kiss them.
We really like being spontaneous so we will get up and decide to go for a drive. After a while he might decide, it’s sunny that way (points) let’s go to the Cotswolds / Wales / wherever… then we head that way and get food and wine.
Surprise trips somewhere special.
Getting wet in the rain together.
Yesterday we watched an artistic porn video together; it was romantic as well.
I think holding hands along a beach alone together is romantic.
Writing things for him that I would like to do or have done.

Being Original

Being original and coming up with ideas which are creative is really important. And don’t forget that romance is also about mystery so you need to keep mixing things up. Don’t be limited to the things you have always done that make the other swoon, although that can be good too. Try to find ways to show them how you feel and surprise them which are quirky or different.

SWC ideas for creating some mystery

We go for lunch out somewhere different – mix it up, a picnic or a beach, the top of a mountain or deep in a wood.
I give half details about things planned to keep the element of surprise.
Make a surprise video of something naughty.
We online shop together and then I tell her “I have seen a beautiful jewel for you on the internet and am going to buy it for you.”
He bought me a surprise new tag for my collar.
I wait in position on the bed sometimes when it isn’t planned and offer myself.
I dress up or down for him – or wear a bow or a scarf or just a pair of heels.
I have a surprise parcel delivered with a toy or something and we wait to open it.
I dance for him or do a sexy striptease.

Keeping Connected

Keeping that connection between you is so vital to a D/s relationship working well, so what are the ways that you can use romance to do this? Learning new skills together, or experiencing something for the first time together can be really important in sustaining that connection. Making space for the other to grow and pushing boundaries together can also deepen the connection.

Some of our tried and tested for keeping connected

Using rituals and reminders that we’re Dom and sub.
Making room for the two of us.
Sex – good old PIV is good for connection.
When we tried electric play together for the first time there was a connection (no pun intended) because we made mistakes and it made us laugh.
Learning together what works and what doesn’t.
Throwing yourselves into a situation and seeing how it turns out.
Laughing, crying, talking, working out problems together.
Preparing clothes, then she must put them on and she knows play will happen but she does not know when or what.
Walking and talking together.
Starting new projects together.
We bought a house and are doing it up together.
Keeping each other at the centre so we exist in one space.
Pushing boundaries together and trying new things.

Hopefully this has been a good reminder of the things that you are doing, and has also provided some inspiration for some new ways that you can be romantic. Please continue with the collaboration by adding your own thoughts in the comments below. Or even better, come along and join us at one of our chats.

And before you go, here are some of the most romantic things that our partners have done for us

She asked me to marry her.
She picked flowers in the garden and put them on a plate and I sat there naked while she took pictures of me.
He took me to New York for the day.
She agreed when I asked for a BDSM relationship.
When we first met, before anyone knew about our relationship, she would leave ribbon tied to my steering wheel or similar so I would find it when going about my day. I went away for a weekend and she sewed a bow of ribbon into my cloak (yes, I wore a cloak all weekend) and scented it with her perfume. That was a tough weekend away from her with that beneath my nose.
I had a really bad day and she ‘blew’ all my problems away.
When we got married I didn’t want to ‘take’ a man’s name. So we changed our names to something totally new. That was pretty romantic, to me.
He buys me flowers now and then … didn’t for years now he does quite frequently.
He gave me a slave name which was totally new but just right for me and it made me his.
We had a few days in Stratford. Lovely food, wine and finished by going to see Henry V at the RSC that was classic romantic.
We had a night in a dungeon that was hot romance. And then Amsterdam was more a mystery as we can’t remember some of it!
We watch stars in the sky together.
He gave me a birthday party with all the special things that I love.
She made me a naughty video once and put it on my laptop to find.

To see who else is posting about romance, please click the badge and check out the other Tell Me About… entries

For other posts on living a D/s Lifestyle please check out that category here