I often forget that Sir goes through times where he does not want me to send him texts about what naughty things I want Sir to do to me, but rather about me holding him close as he uses my thighs or ass as a pillow. I was reminded of that when he sent me a text saying “I am more in a cuddle mood” with that my mind instantly shifted. It was a good reminder that he needs care too.
Sir has been treated poorly in the past and let himself be taken advantage of because it was “love” he was in. Sir has often not been reassured in those relationships of his partners’ love and devotion to him. Please note these were in his vanilla relationships. One of the walls Sir is working on breaking down is being more comfortable with telling me he needs comfort or when he is home simply taking it from me.
I am normally pretty good at recognizing those signs when we or together or he will do something as simple as exposing his back meaning he wants me to rub it. With texting, it is harder since I cannot look at him and read his face.
My point is that as his sub I need to work on remembering that Sir also needs his emotional and mental sides taken care of too. He takes care of mine, so I need to make sure to take care of his. A lot of the time that does include some type of sexual release but not always. Sometimes Sir wants to be vulnerable and held. Sometimes I need to take on more weight of the relationship and be the one to hold Sir. It is hard to remember this right now in our new dynamic because I get stuck in the mindset that he must always be the strong one and in charge.
In reality, he is still showing me that he is strong and in charge by being vulnerable. Just because we have decided to live D/s 24/7 does not negate the fact that we are also husband and wife or that with that comes a partnership that will not always be 50/50 at times it will be 20/80 or the other way around.
It is killing me that I am not with him right now and cannot offer these things in a physical way as I know he is craving them right now. I want him home so he can come lay on the couch with his head in my lap and my hand on his shoulder. We are two people who crave physical touch, and we constantly have our hands on the other. It is rare that out in public we are not holding hands with our fingers laced. We walk around the house and casually drag our hand across the others back as they walk by, feet touching as we sit on the couch, and at night we always end the day laying in bed watching TV with my head on Sir’s chest. With Sir being gone we have extracted these things from our relationship, and we feel alone even though we are in constant communication with one another and constantly reassuring each other of our love and need for the other. Some things words just cannot replace especially if you have already had them.
I can be selfish and self-centered only thinking of what I need, and this is not the mindset of a sub, but I am learning to be more considerate and that I am not the only one who needs. Sir and his happiness has always been what I want. I am getting there as this is new to us, but I have always taken Sir into account in my actions and admitted my faults. I am ready for Sir to be home so that I might provide my comfort in my arms to Him. We are so close to being reunited.
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