November Toy Review

My Favorite Implement

Hi! MisterMan here with a toy review for you for November. I couldn’t settle on just one, however. I have to divide this post into two parts: one for a punishment implement and one for fun. If Beth were a masochist or a spanko then the two implements could be the same, but she’s not, so you get a bonus implement review. Beth says you’re welcome. 😉

Favorite Implement For Punishment

Last year we came across the best paddle we’ve ever found. We had to do a lot of experimentation to find something that worked for Beth, and this combination may not be perfect for you, but the physics and simplicity make it a solid contender for any toybox. We got it at the Love Store in Las Vegas. It’s a slender paddle, barely a slapper really, but long and narrow and made of dense silicone giving it authoritative weight. The result is a precise, narrow impact area with a wicked wrap at the tip delivering an astonishing combination of both sting and thud. I tested it on my own arm in the store and got everybody’s attention by yelling “OW, MOTHERF–! …Ohhh, oww, we are SO buying this!” while dancing around on one foot. While I did, the sting on my arm actually got worse before it got better.

It is, for us, the perfect implement of ass destruction. It delivers maximum unpleasantness in a tightly focused area, and this tool goes from zero to agony with no warmup or warning. Just POW, instant regret wherever it falls. Two or three swats take her perfectly to the remorseful headspace I want her in for a correction. Only once have I ever delivered nonstop continuous blows with it, after she forgot to maintain her most important health regimen (taking medication that keeps her Multiple Sclerosis at bay) over a several day stretch. That was maybe nine months ago. She hasn’t forgotten since.

I forget the product name or part number, but that’s okay. Spanking implements vary by size and weight and preference. For us the magic combination was narrow and heavy. We found it through experimentation on Beth’s bottom and that means it won’t necessarily work for yours. So experiment! Get out there and find the thing that works the best for you.

Favorite Implement For Play

As for play, I’d like to do something a little unusual here. I know you’re all expecting me to haul out some great flogger or vibrator that sends Beth over the moon, but for kicks I’m going to tell you my favorite implement to have Beth use on me while she’s servicing me.

It’s a vibrating prostate massager. All right, I know a lot of couples aren’t into “gentleman’s anal”; of all the couples I know that are into anal, it’s always the female partner who receives deliveries at the rear. If this messes with your head feel free to stop now, it’s only going to get worse from here. 🙂 If you’re on the fence, however, you’re probably worried about poop being gross or about whether or not sticking things up your bum makes you gay. All I can say is they make soap for a reason, and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t. Especially if you’re into regular anal, where you’re already having sex in someone else’s bottom. There’s no magic “make you gay” button up in there. Honestly if there were, the world would be a much more interesting place.

There IS a magic button up in there, though! I’m not even kidding: the prostate is the male G-spot. Prostate orgasms are mind-blowing. I go all melty and experience much deeper ejaculatory contractions and jet a significantly greater amount of semen. If you’re not ready to try a finger up inside there, have your sub tease around the outside. You’ll quickly notice there’s a LOT of nerve endings back there. Nerve endings that your sub could be pleasuring. Work your way into it gently, pun intended. When you’re ready to try taking a finger, have your sub stroke your prostate from the inside. Trust me on this, it is so very worth it!

Once you get to the point where you’re ready to have a toy introduced back there, now it’s serious game time. The first time I had a vibrator turned on inside me I felt the entire world melt into a puddle of ecstacy. Seriously, my memory of the event are all fuzzy and glowy and blurry.

Okay, so enough for making the case. On to the actual toy review! It is here that our story take a sad turn: my current favorite massager is broken, and Amazon no longer stocks anything remotely similar. A pair of replacement candidates have just arrived, a knobbed wand for Beth to use on me and a sort of L-shaped device that can be slipped into place and then anchored around the cock and balls. (A strap-in, perhaps?) I have high hopes for them both but we haven’t had the chance to put them to the test. So again instead of giving you a specific product to try I merely just suggest exploring and keeping an open mind about maybe having an open backdoor policy.

Actually, I do have one specific product recommendation: if you’ve never had a toy back there, you’re going to need a little bit of anal training (just like your sub did). When you’re ready to move up from fingers, I highly recommend the Aneros Helix. It’s comfortably proportioned and designed to easily slip in and stay put. It doesn’t vibrate, but it does put gentle, persistent pressure on the prostate. The instructions recommend relaxing and meditating while it’s inserted, and letting the sensation build slowly. Several people have reported being able to achieve a hands-free, prostate-only orgasm just from lying in bed with it inserted. I’ve never achieved this, however, because within half an hour I can’t resist the arousal and end up having fantastic sex instead.

So… there you go. Two reviews for the price of one, and maybe neither one worth the price of free. Heh. Happy spanking and prostate spelunking!

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