thebarefootsub

  • Missy wrote a new post, Intimacy 2 days, 9 hours ago

    What is Intimacy?

    Intimacy is a feeling of knowing another person deeply and feeling deeply known by them. It is created over time and comes from a deep connection on a number of levels. There are different […]

  • Another update folks – the 24th doesn’t suit us all. How about 1 October 2020 at 9 pm?

  • Hi all – I finished the book last week and wow! what a riveting read. I found the ending very satisfying and the characters incredibly sympathetically drawn. I hope you’re all enjoying it as much as me.

    Would it suit all if we changed the date of our discussion night? I can no longer make the 10th – I have no internet where I am staying.  I…[Read more]

  • Missy and Profile picture of LienLien are now friends 3 weeks, 6 days ago

  • Luscious lips and Profile picture of petalpetal are now friends 4 weeks, 1 day ago

  • Hiya Readers!

    Fingersmith – how are you all getting on?

    I am 3/4 way in and loving it – very twisty plot with lots of surprises. Quite different from Tipping the Velvet, I find I’m reminded a little of a Charles Dickens book.

    I propose giving us a little more time – I have a couple of friends who’d like to participate but haven’t had much…[Read more]

  • In relationships, knowing your partner’s limits and boundaries is essential. If you don’t know what they are then you can’t observe them. Neither can you push them. In a D/s relationship this is even more […]

    • Thank you Missy,

      Our play last night failed because my Dom had reached her limit but got upset and walked out rather than using her safe word. I Also allowed her to keep going with the play even though i suspected she was getting tired. (My body was not responding as she expected it to)

      Our conversation afterwards was very much a discussion around better communication including both of us checking in when we suspected it was not going well.

      Your article reinforced to us what we did in aftercare was correct.

      • Missy replied 1 month ago

        Hi. Thank you so much for commenting and I am glad that the post was helpful. I think there is often a lot written about a sub and their limits but less so about a Dom’s. From our experience it hit HL really hard when he had planned well and then my body didn’t respond as it might have. We learnt that this was often to do with my mind and the way I was thinking, and knowing that he had to engage my mind first helped a bit. These days he will stop and take a pause to talk. He is then able to change direction to something which he thinks will work better having listened to me, but it has taken time and confidence for him to get to this point. I think there is less said about the emotions for a Dom afterwards. Now only do they have to have that intense focus during a scene which takes a lot of effort but they are often also doing things which feel counter-intuitive (like inflicting pain on someone they love) so the psychological side can be a big thing to overcome too. I am glad that you were able to talk and sort things out. We try to see the times it doesn’t go according to plan as opportunities to learn more about each other and out changing needs. It is hard when it happens but I think it is usual and although we have been at this a while, it still happens to us too. missy 😊

    • MrsK replied 1 month ago

      This is such a great resource and will be useful to so many! I wish I’d found this what feels like a million years ago!
      Very good explanation of how limits and boundaries work ☺☺

      • Missy replied 1 month ago

        Thank you Mrs K. The idea on the blog here is to build a resource like this for people starting out so I am glad that you think it would have helped. And if you ever have any topics which you feel you would be willing to write about, we would love to have your insight and tips 😊

    • Thank you Jordi. I understand what you mean about there not being things that you wouldn’t do but most people have things that they are less comfortable about and might need more support around. Talking can also mean that things are easier for your partner as they are confident that you are ok with something. I know that in some M/s relationships limits tend not to be there in an overt way the same, but usually they have been previously discussed. It sounds like you have a lot of trust with your partner and the right sort of balance for you which is great 😊

  • Missy and Profile picture of bbMebbMe are now friends 1 month ago

  • Hi Friends!

    Gosh it’s hot in my part of the UK at the moment! So it’s been the ideal opportunity to pull a chair into the shade and crack open our latest read – Fingersmith by Sarah Waters.

    I have previously read 2 other books by Sarah Waters, she is an accomplished writer who tends to write stories with a period backdrop. This novel, like…[Read more]

  • Hi Alister,

    I think what you currently have is what a lot of couples continually seek.  Mental and emotional connections far outweigh the physical which are limited to how long the bruises or bite marks last!

    Being only able to meet once a week does have the advantage of mental anticipation which certainly adds a lot to a relationship in that…[Read more]

  • Missy and Profile picture of navieleenavielee are now friends 1 month, 2 weeks ago

  • Hello – lovely to meet you Jacquisub,

    I think that lots of us feel that way to begin with. It sounds like you might be experiencing a bit of subfrenzy. You might find this post Patience and sub-frenzy is helpful and if not then try searching. It will likely take your partner longer to catch up to the point you are at and that adjustment time can…[Read more]

  • I am so delighted to see these responses from people who have finished The Wife Between Us – it makes me very happy that people have enjoyed the recommendation.

    I’m looking forward to a lively discussion in the group chat next Thursday evening!

    Posy xx

  • Just finished. I bet this one is a movie in no time!

  • I see a woman that is scared, but also a woman that is strong, fierce, loving and not a quitter. Not because of how I look or the compliments that I received, but what I have in my heart. Everyone wants to […]

  • Missy and Profile picture of StevenSteven are now friends 2 months, 1 week ago

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