[Beth [MM]]

There is an awesome book called the The Big Book for Littles: Tips & Tricks for Age Players & Their Partners by Penny Barber. It covers littles/middles and caregivers/bigs, ageplay (role play) and caregiver/little as a lifestyle, activities, punishments, etc. It’s pretty comprehensive.

“So, how does this dynamic work from that side? I always wonder if the feelings from the DD side is paternalistic or more of a middle ground between Dom/sub and Master/slave? Does it require more of your attention? Is it just a roll paying thing, or more of a lifestyle?”

Like all roles being a Daddy is very individual. Some are very strict, some very indulgent, and some in between or a mix of both. My Daddy is very supportive and likes to spoil me a little. For us it’s both role play and lifestyle.

As for punishments and rewards they should fit the situation and the individual. Reward ideas: food treats, new book or toy, special activity or outing. Punishment ideas: corner time, writing lines or apology letter, extra chores, spanking, sitting or kneeling on something painful/uncomfortable.

[Beth [MM]]

Many different thing could work, find something that will work for the both of you. Here are some suggestions –
Corporal punishment, i.e. spanking, kneeling on rice
Writing lines
Practice fellatio on a dildo
Orgasm denial as suggested above

You two might want to discuss why you dislike giving bjs and address those issue. Then try to find positives for you, like happiness in service, in giving pleasure, etc. And maybe some positive reinforcement after the bj for you.

I didn’t like giving them when we first started, but I’ve learned to enjoy serving him. I love giving him pleasure, it’s a little bit of a power trip for me knowing that I can make him feel so very good. I learned to deep throat so he usually cums in the back of my mouth and I don’t really taste it.

[Beth [MM]]

Kink Articles and Education
Kink Weekly
Kinkly
Submissive Guide
There is (was?) a Dominant Guide but the site is currently down (July 2020).
Kink Academy Most educational videos require a subscription to access
BDSM Wiki
Uberkinky Essential Guides

[Beth [MM]]

You’ve come to the right place. Most on this site are married or long-term D/s couples that started vanilla. We would love to see you in chat.

[Beth [MM]]

My suggestion would be to talk with him about this. Find out if he minds you calling him out, if he does maybe the two of you could figure out a signal to let you know you are doing it and he needs you to back off. Also talk about ways for you to be subtly submissive around your kids and community.

I have more common sense and I’m less impulsive than my Sir, so there are times when he needs me to bring things to his attention then he can make the final decision. I try to check in with him if I’m uncertain about my behavior. And if I’m not acting in a way he prefers he brings it to my attention. We talk often because building new habits takes a while for me. And it helps me to know his thought process in some situations, and for him to know mine.

Good luck

[Beth [MM]]

There is also a Resources subforum here on SWC, with books, websites, blogs, videos, etc.

[Beth [MM]]

Submissive training is rather personal, and should (in my opinion) take into consideration the needs and wants of both the Dom and sub. What works for one relationship might not be good for another. I’ve not done nor been asked to do much formal submissive training. Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny might give you some help in figuring out how you two want to structure you relationship. There is no “one right way” to do this.

I would also suggest your husband think about how this type of relationship can benefit him and meet some of his needs. He’s more likely to want to stay with it if he can reap some benefits. Are there parts of your relationship he would like more control over? Parts he would like to delegate? Habits he would like changed? Etc?

Communication is the biggest key that my husband and I have found to making any relationship successful. Be patient with each other, good luck and have fun.

[Beth [MM]]

MM often tells me how much he appreciates me. He shows it in the little caresses he gives me throughout the day. He spoils me often, at least I think so.

Anything can go in your relationship if all parties are agreeable to it. I don’t think it’s topping from the bottom unless it annoys the Dom. You could always talk to him about your desires. He’s not likely to know unless you tell him. Communication is important in a relationship.

[Beth [MM]]

Opening doors – either she has to wait while you open them for her or she has to open them for you. My Sir buckles/unbuckles my seatbelt when he’s driving. Pick a side that she should walk on when walking with you and do you want her to be even with you, maybe on you arm, or slightly behind you. Pick a stealthy way to always address you instead of your name. Ask her for ideas of things she’d like to do/try to be more submissive when out.

[Beth [MM]]

I second what DW4Sir said. Communication is the key to every good relationship. My husband was uncomfortable at first because he was raised by a strong feminist and it seemed like D/s made me less than him. But we talked about it and he took the time to learn about it. I am just as valued as he is in our relationship, I choose to give him power over me.

If your bf isn’t comfortable with Sir or Alpha maybe there is a different honorific that you could use like Boss or Chief or something else he’s okay with.

And as it has been said it might not be his thing.

Good luck!

[Beth [MM]]

This has really helped me explain to MM my needs sexually as I’m a sensual/energetic with a bit of kinky and he is a sexual some kink.

The seminars are too expensive, at least for us, but I found the information in the emails helpful.

[Beth [MM]]

There is a subforum in the Resources forum, Toys & Equipment, for posting info and pics about toys. Feel free to browse and add your own recommendations and pics.

[Beth [MM]]

My husband needed and wanted guidance when we started out as he’s not a mind reader, lol. I agree with StHCE, turing it into a request or just letting him know “I like it when you do X,” will let him know what you enjoy without you “telling” him what to do. Then he can do what he wants with that information. We have found that feedback is crucial, especially when we are exploring new things.

You can to an internet search for male strap-ons. Amazon, Adam & Eve, JimmyJane, etc will have a selection to choose from. You may have to vary your position depending on which hole you want what to go into. ?

[Beth [MM]]

I have panick attacks and even though I logically know I’m prefectly safe the feelings are still there. I don’t give into or feed the feelings but I don’t ignore them either. My therapist has been a great help getting me to this place.

You’re feelings are valid even if they seem irrational. Finding an open minded therapist might help. Some of this may stem from your PTSD. Let the therapist know this is a fantasy (not something you want to do in real life) that you’d both like to incorporate into your sex play. They can help you take slow steps to build up to the fantasy he/you both want. You may have to work through some of your PTSD triggers first to help make this possible.

I feel that open, honest, respectful, kind communication between partners is very important. My suggestion (if you haven’t already done so) is to let your husband know how you are feeling, that you want to do this for him but you are also having difficulties, work through this together.

Good luck.

[Beth [MM]]

We are not a hook-up site so you will need to look elsewhere for someone to discipline you. However, if you’d like to talk about domestic discipline or ask any questions we would be happy to discuss it with you.

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