In relationships, knowing your partner’s limits and boundaries is essential. If you don’t know what they are then you can’t observe them. Neither can you push them. In a D/s relationship this is even more […]
Thank you Missy,
Our play last night failed because my Dom had reached her limit but got upset and walked out rather than using her safe word. I Also allowed her to keep going with the play even though i suspected she was getting tired. (My body was not responding as she expected it to)
Our conversation afterwards was very much a discussion around better communication including both of us checking in when we suspected it was not going well.
Your article reinforced to us what we did in aftercare was correct.
Hi. Thank you so much for commenting and I am glad that the post was helpful. I think there is often a lot written about a sub and their limits but less so about a Dom’s. From our experience it hit HL really hard when he had planned well and then my body didn’t respond as it might have. We learnt that this was often to do with my mind and the way I was thinking, and knowing that he had to engage my mind first helped a bit. These days he will stop and take a pause to talk. He is then able to change direction to something which he thinks will work better having listened to me, but it has taken time and confidence for him to get to this point. I think there is less said about the emotions for a Dom afterwards. Now only do they have to have that intense focus during a scene which takes a lot of effort but they are often also doing things which feel counter-intuitive (like inflicting pain on someone they love) so the psychological side can be a big thing to overcome too. I am glad that you were able to talk and sort things out. We try to see the times it doesn’t go according to plan as opportunities to learn more about each other and out changing needs. It is hard when it happens but I think it is usual and although we have been at this a while, it still happens to us too. missy 😊
This is such a great resource and will be useful to so many! I wish I’d found this what feels like a million years ago!
Very good explanation of how limits and boundaries work ☺☺
Thank you Mrs K. The idea on the blog here is to build a resource like this for people starting out so I am glad that you think it would have helped. And if you ever have any topics which you feel you would be willing to write about, we would love to have your insight and tips 😊
Thank you Jordi. I understand what you mean about there not being things that you wouldn’t do but most people have things that they are less comfortable about and might need more support around. Talking can also mean that things are easier for your partner as they are confident that you are ok with something. I know that in some M/s relationships limits tend not to be there in an overt way the same, but usually they have been previously discussed. It sounds like you have a lot of trust with your partner and the right sort of balance for you which is great 😊
Hello – lovely to meet you Jacquisub,
I think that lots of us feel that way to begin with. It sounds like you might be experiencing a bit of subfrenzy. You might find this post Patience and sub-frenzy is helpful and if not then try searching. It will likely take your partner longer to catch up to the point you are at and that adjustment time can…[Read more]
As a pastime, journaling seems it seems to have undergone a surge in popularity in recent years, with people turning to journals as a response to a busy and over-committed life where they need to take time out […]
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