One of the most common themes discussed by subs regarding the challenges of a D/s relationship is consistency, or the lack of it in their Doms. Now, from the point of having a balanced post, I should offer up the concept of a sub being inconsistent in their behaviour, and I am sure this is the case in some relationships. However, the direction of this post is from a Dom’s perspective and that is where we will stay, for consistency!
To have a consistent approach to any task, one would imagine that you firstly want to be engaged in that activity and that you really get something from it. Now, like most things in life, the beginning is always the most exciting bit. It triggers chemicals in the brain that make it fire up, a honeymoon period of you like. Of course that doesn’t mean you lose interest completely, you just look at it differently and then the world throws its problems at you and they try to stick and drag you down.
The Japanese culture is a great example of maintaining consistency when managing a task. If you are going to take on a task like basket weaving, martial arts, painting or even management, you do the very best you can when you are doing it. It’s a simple but consistent application to a task. Now that is quite hard to maintain if you are not stacked that way, believe me, I know! I have a short attention span and if I am engaged in something and get distracted, I can either lose interest in the task, or find the new thing more exciting. My wife thinks there’s some ADD floating around in there somewhere.
Of course we are not all Japanese, and if we were, we may not be into weaving baskets or slapping the mat! I would argue that consistency is precluded by motivation and on many levels that boils down to the age old question, ‘what’s in it for me?’ That is not being selfish or self-centred, this is about finding your motivation. Why do something that doesn’t make you happy? If you are not happy being a Dom all the time, that does not mean you are not a Dom, or in fact a bad one. Are you happy in every element of your day, every day? I would argue that you are not, and outside of continual medication, nor are most people. We continually make dynamic decisions at every turn of the clock to meet the needs of those around us and to keep us safe. Life is challenging and to be man for all seasons 24/7 is not going to happen. Have I said something wrong there? Most Doms I have are ordinary people, living ordinary lives. They put others first and themselves second, nearly always. And there’s rub. If you are second in your priorities, how can you stay self motivated, feel sexy and cast the day’s issues aside to manage your sub the way she needs it?
If you’re looking for an answer here in plain sight, look no further, because is ain’t here! What you may find is the need to examine which part of your D/s relationship drives you. A percentage of Doms really get off on non-sexual control, a much larger percentage get off on sexual control. If sex was withdrawn from our D/s relationship would I be interested, probably not, and in all likelihood neither would missy. Now that is not to say it’s all about physical sex. For missy, she needs to have her mind stimulated before her body will embrace the physical. I’m confident that I could get an orgasm from her if I tried, however, this is more about her really buying into the event.
I suppose having written this far down the page I have realised that motivation is a very personal, yet a changeable concept. Motivation and Consistency are good bed fellows when blended into the right mix for everyone in this type of dynamic, and yet sometimes that can be hard to find. Having focus on opportunities can often be a good place to establish your Dominance. If you have rules set between you, then watching your sub to see if she needs support or on the flip side watching to see if she is not following the rules on purpose. Either way, you have a window of opportunity to engage.
Your sub is a complex person by default, all tied in a neat package that needs a lot care and attention to meet the demands of being submissive. The best thing is, unwrapping such a bundle of joy can be very motivating!