I guess that when the term journaling comes up in a D/s conversation most people would initially associate that with a submissive practice. That is perfectly understandable, as keeping a diary or journal to capture thoughts and feelings is widely used by a submissive partner to convene what is going on in their life. Some Doms use it as a check-in to see what’s going on and others can use it for subs to jot down their darkest thoughts to help grow. So, why would a Dom keep a journal?
Another work task.
A vast number of people have an online calendar, either for work or social and domestic purposes. The one problem with online calendars and to-do lists is that the information becomes static. The work type stuff becomes automatic due to the fact you are wired into the day to day routine, but the rest, well that can get lost in the mire.
Paper or Pixels?
I don’t know if you’re like me, but I love a notebook. Moleskin brand note books look nice, feel nice and have a little paper pocket at the back for an old rail ticket that reminds you of a special person. That’s the romantic side of me I know, but note books I just love. I think that attraction to a book is the freedom you have to what you want in it. This page you’re reading for example could have numerous gadgets to brighten it up and make it look different, but that takes a lot of mouse clicks. A note book, however, has limitless dynamic options that are linked from your brain on to the paper. It may seem a bit old school, but if you’re like me being a technology chaser, it becomes about the new functions and not the content.
ADD or Alzheimer’s
Taking away the aesthetics of a traditional note book, why write stuff in it anyway? I mean, you’ve got a brain, why not just store it away and recall it from your organic hard drive when you need it? For me, my brain is either too full of daily rubbish or it forgets far more than it remembers. Now that may be an effect of ageing or simply because my head is a little affected by Attention Deficit Disorder. I lose interest in things really fast to such an extent that a good idea hits the front of my head and by the time it’s travelled to the memory banks it has been trampled by another thought. I don’t know if I have ADD, but it’s better than thinking I have Alzheimer’s!
If you don’t use a form of recording ideas and thoughts, I would recommend it, especially if you’re starting out in a D/s relationship. Things move quite fast and getting stuff down to read later and have an analysis session. *I digress here for a moment to mention how I improved my memory by using association techniques. My National Insurance number (social security for USA) is a mixture of my Dad’s birthday and the date I started my first job after school. The word analysis is based on incest; Anal, Why, Sis? I though I would share that.* Where was I? Oh yes, analysis of ideas and actions. It is good to reflect back on what you said you would do, what you managed and how it went. A blog is very similar I guess, however, do you want to share everything you do with the world in narcissistic Kardashian fashion? Somethings need to stay close to your chest, and not always on display! A good example is fantasies..
Fantasies and Flops
Missy, my wife and sub, has fantasies that even she won’t share with me. They are obviously so deep rooted that even mentioning that they could exist makes her squirm. There is also the fact it is not possible to write them down due to the flip-book catalogue of images and feelings that are not coherent to another brain in that form. On the other hand, your fantasies may border on the socially unacceptable and best kept in your book to work through them until you find a way of entertaining them. I have to say that most people I know who keep blogs about their kinky and D/s lives would not judge you, however, that does not mean you are not judging yourself. A journal on the other hand helps process those thoughts and allows you to track their growth. One thing that I did keep a track on was when things went wrong in sexual play. After a while it became evident that it boiled down to the 6 P’s (Poor planning produces piss poor performance) and the journal then help me plan a bit better. Most play really needs to have aim, and having a sub perform any act or function for you needs to be backed up with a good reason, even if it’s because you just get off on it! A journal has helped me keep check on my good performance and my flops; both are opportunities to learn from the experience. A friend of mine, Purplesole, once said that he took failure during play very much to heart and found it hard to recover quickly to pick back up and carry on. I would say that was very early on in his D/s relationship, and if I had thought about it at the time I would have suggested writing it down and breaking up the elements until you see where it went wrong. Chances are it was something so small you missed it, but pen and paper wont!
Out of Ink
If you find keeping on track with D/s is a challenge, having a written record is an option. It’s not for everyone, however, one thing is for sure, you’ll never know that feeling of a nice empty note book in your hand, but don’t get me started on that again.
One thought on “Journaling For Doms?”
I like your analysis of journaling HL, the idea of writing down play to see where it could be improved is great. I do have a journal but my problem is by the time I get to it, the thoughts I wanted to write have already disappeared into the dark bits of my mind.