I tend to think that impact play is one of the first things that people think of when conjuring up images of BDSM. There might be some black leather or shiny PVC knocking about too, however, whips, paddles and floggers are common go-to images. I recall seeing images of staged spanking in magazines when I was younger. The pictures looked great, however, I never gave it a lot of thought of what it might be like actually do it!
Jump forward a large handful of years and most forms of impact play now interests me. My main focus of attention is buttocks, although breasts and clitoris’ have been favourable targets too. Impact play is a good connector in many ways I feel. There is obviously physical connection, however, that is quite a way down the route of a scene involving impact. To start with there does need to be some notification and planning. Notification to gain consent, and planning to ensure the setting is appropriate on many levels. Lastly, and most importantly is the use of verbal and physical cues to halt play if the sub, or the Dom, feels things need to slow or come to a halt.
Impact play by its very nature produces noise. A hand on arse can report a resounding crack, although a cupped hand will calm that down and change the type of impact being received. Any form of flat implement like a paddle or belt will again produce noise and that does need to be considered when engaging in that activity. It’s not just your own house you have to worry about, you should consider the other fare paying people in the hotel room next door!
When setting out, everything was in moderation for us. I admit to being worried about hurting her, and why wouldn’t I? A few spanks in and I can see my large handprints on her white skin. There were no complaints and yet I still didn’t feel too comfortable to move things forward. As it happened we tried BBQ wooden sticks for kebabs which are long and have a nice spring about them. They mark really well and there’s a limit to the strength you can use. Then I moved to wooden spoons, garden canes, spanking to music, crops, floggers and a homemade device of thick rubber that will knock your eyes out of your head if landed heavily on your arse!
Impact play for us was slow with lots of communication as to what worked well and what didn’t. The conversation does come over a little weird the first few times,
“Was I hitting you hard enough?”
“Yes but it felt better when you slapped me between the legs.”
Once you get use to this new way of talking, things start to grow. Being honest and open is really important. I held back telling missy that I REALLY enjoy hitting her, and when I say enjoy, I meant that I wanted to do it much harder. My confession was met with a ‘why didn’t you say so before?’ type response, and being my sub she was happy to let me do it harder.
So, if you are new to all of this I would suggest the advice I was given. Start small and work up. Talk a lot about what you were doing and what your feelings were at the time and what they were like afterwards. And remember, communication in BDSM play is a bit like lube, when you think your have used enough, use more!