How Do I Get My Dom To Listen?

How Do I Get My Dom To Listen?

One of the key success factors of any relationship is effective communication. I know for sure over the years that my sub (Missy) has internally asked herself, how do I get my Dom to listen? And I am sure she is not alone as a lot of relationships have moved from a traditional one with poor communication, to a D/s version that offers something better! Setting aside for a moment any anecdotes referencing the reason for having two ears and one mouth, which is not very helpful other than stating the obvious for most people, I want to look the use of time and space. We all live busy lives one way or another. We fill our day with routine and demands for the majority, and occasionally we find or create space to enjoy things at a different pace, unless of course your hobby is motor racing or sky diving in which case your clock is wound differently to mere mortals. Either way, a space has been created to focus on something specific and to be fair we do this every day whether it’s showering, watching a movie or walking the dog; We create space by allocating protected time to enjoy the event. One thing I have noticed, and so has my sub, is that we are stacked completely differently in the way our brains work. My head is pretty silent most of the time and if I am working on something, then that is what I am doing. I am focussed on that task, and that task alone. One side effect of my highly possible ADD is that my attention span is short. The chemical that ignites to perform a task burns off fast, depending on the task of course. The more stimulating, the slower the burn, and vis versa. Missy on the other hand has a brain like an old fashioned airport information ticker board. Always up dating with new information and doing it in tandem with other lines of data and other boards, and it rarely stops. So how can we find alignment to communicate effectively? The answer has of course already been given; Time and Space. Quite recently Missy was looking at clothing on-line sitting next to me. “What do you think of that?” She said. I was focussed on my ipad and looked over and gave my initial reaction. “Oh, they look nice” “What do you think of the green one? She then asked. “Yes, that’s nice too.” Missy went back to her shopping really none the wiser as to what robe she was going to buy for me. The problem here is that I didn’t know she was going to buy the item. You see the issue I am sure, however, this is a minor example and there are many more where Missy has spoken to me or asked a question hoping for a conversation and not just a quick fix answer. So, how do we improve on this? Having explained the lack of internal moving parts in my head, of which Missy was fully aware I am sure, I suggested something that will work for me, and if tweaked may work for you too. I have asked Missy to pitch her questions in a different way that gives her the time she requires to communicate effectively and for me to be an active listener. For example; “Do you have time to look at this for me please, I need your opinion?” or “Can we set some time aside to discuss xxxx please as I think it’s important?” For me that highlights that my sub needs me and my time to work on something that will benefit the two of us. Of course, this method of positioning yourself to get the desire response works for a Dom as well. “Can you let me know when you have 20 minutes free today so we can talk about….” or “I would like to talk to you after dinner tonight about xxxx, can you be free for an hour?” The approach is polite, to the point and allows the other person to manage their time to meet the needs of their partner. I am sure you as much as I are aware of the constant distractions around us and the general noise of the world as electronic communication no longer demands just a ear for a phone call. Today we are faced with media continually force feeding us material we do not need to know to survive in life. Making room to communicate face to face is more important now than ever, so if you want to know how to get your Dom to listen either create a space or, failing that, bend over naked in front of the TV and ask if there’s anything interesting on! Follow this link to find more posts on Building a D/s Dynamic

2 thoughts on “How Do I Get My Dom To Listen?

  1. This is really useful. We had a similar situation last weekend. I asked for opinions on different pieces of underwear and Noki seemed uninterested. I picked one out, but left feeling a little deflated. I kinda expected he would pick for me, or give me a definate opinion. I hadn’t worded it effectively though, it was more “what do you think of this” and an okay or nice isn’t what I really wanted.

    On returning home I spoke about how I was feeling. He admitted he struggles to visualise them on an any event.

    This is a really helpful post in finding ways around this occuring and seeing things from the other side so to speak too.

  2. Hi, I’m just recently fully stepping into a submissive position fully open and devoted to my dom. And I have so many questions. But the main question right now is how do I know if I’m being a good sub, or if I’m being too available and if I am pushing him away.

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