A lot of our play is impact play so, for us, a safeword is important to be able to stop play. Having said that I can only think of 1 time when it has been used by me. To be honest, on this occasion, I knew my head was not in the right space even before we started to play but I thought I would fall into it. I followed the usual routine, brushed my teeth, got into the bath, dried off, put on the underwear that Sir had left, entered the bedroom and knelt down. Play had barely started, my head just wasn’t there so I used my safeword. We made love and snuggled which was the right thing to do. There was no pressure, no guilt, it was just one of those things. Lesson learned, if your head’s not in it. do something different. Having a plan is great but it doesn’t mean you have to stick to it.
During play I often feel that I can’t take anymore, my safeword will be on the tip of my tongue. I will have an internal struggle where I want it to stop but not want it to stop. Sir reads me well, maybe it’s my body language, or tone of groan. Sometimes he will ask ‘Is there something you want to say?’ A way of checking I’m alright, an opener for a safeword. My greedy side will always reply, ‘Yes Sir, thank you Sir’, wanting more of whatever he will give. From then a few things could happen, he could change to something different, a different position or toy, he could tell me he thinks I can take x amount more for him and I will count them or he might just carry on for a while longer. It’s not unusual for Sir to ask some forms of, “do you need to tell me anything?”, more than once during impact play. Again my greedy self will thank him for what he has given me and so it continues. This change, break or pause in the play without ending it means the safe word is safe for another day.
I would never not have a safeword when playing. After 27 years together I would like to think Sir knows me well and, outside of play, reads my mood, taking evasive action to avoid catastrophe (slight exaggeration but you get the picture). Having said that Sir is not a mind reader and if I need play to stop I have a responsibility to tell him. What works during 1 session may not work during another, a slower pace may be needed. At my age I’m less flexible, my muscles not as strong and hormones, well I won’t go there. These can be factors where play needs to slow, change or stop.
update During a period of recuperation I had been drafting posts, to add to before uploading, this was one of them, and this is the update….. We had not played for about 6 weeks and today was the day. I followed the usual routine, we started play. After paying Sir’s cock some attention he focused on ‘warming’ my bottom first, flogging then paddling it while I was in various positions. Then Sir decided to give my back some attention, alternating between the suede flogger, tawse and leather flogger with small pauses as he changed between them. The impact became more intense, I focused on the heat spreading through my body and on my breathing, relaxing into it. Then it all happened so quickly, the nips had become full on bites and the safeword was out. It seemed like 20 voices screaming in my ears, my whole body was on fire, the flogger went from feeling like hot wire to barbed wire and tears had pooled behind my blindfold. I didn’t move a muscle waiting to see what would happen next. Sir immediately stopped and came to my side. He first touched my shoulder then pressed himself close to me. He told me I had done well today that I had taken a lot. He asked if I was alright. I needed to be fucked, to feel Sir all over me, inside and outside, of course Sir obliged, being the gentleman he is.
My thoughts were a little scattered afterwards. I was so ready to play but seemed to reach my limit out of nowhere. I was alright in one breath, controlling my breathing, feeling the spread of heat, then not alright in the next, dizzy, ears ringing, almost panicking. I felt disappointed that I’d used my safeword and at the same time relieved that I had, that I could actually make that decision and say it when I needed to. I needed to know how Sir felt about it. He reassured me that seeing me like that, hearing my safeword didn’t freak him out. He trusts me to use it when I needed to and that’s what it is there for so I won’t over think it. A first for us, using a safeword during impact play, who would have thought that 5 years down the line.
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9 thoughts on “Always have a Safeword”
What a fabulous post and your update shows how important a safeword is.
Thanks Sweet. A break in play was necessary but I was happy to be back. x
This is a great post lilly. I love that you have used examples of how things work for you too. Great advice ?
Thank you Missy. Advice…. eeekkk. I can only write about what works or doesn’t work for us x
Great post lilly, thank you for sharing and inspiring me to finish mine! xx
Thanks kis, Go get ’em girl x
Loved this post, Lilly …. a first hand account always has so much more meaning … thanks for sharing! … nj … xx
Thank you NoraJean. Bit scary sharing x
Great share…. we have added in MORE please Sir, colors. It’s awesome for us. ^^