Tagged: anal sex as a pain substitute?
- 24/03/2021 at 9:14 pm #59333CruelPuppetMasterParticipant
“Why Does Master Want To Hurt Me?”
Good question, and not an easy one to answer. The values we have been raised with say that deliberately causing another person pain is morally wrong, a violation of social norms, potentially illegal, absolutely reprehensible, and that enjoying it is the act of a “sick” mind. We are raised with the doctrine that a desire to wield power over others is inherently evil, and that wanting that power and control makes you a bad person. From the pencil-dick warehouse supervisor who enjoys bossing his employees around to literal tyrants who conquer and subjugate entire nations, such desires are just wrong and the need for them is depraved, or so we are told from childhood.
These are good values but they forgot one very important footnote: unless there is consent.
Did FDR have less of a thirst for power and authority than Hitler? Probably not: you don’t get to be POTUS without a huge drive, a need even, to be in charge, to hold and exercise authority. The difference is FDR sought and obtained the people’s consent to be governed by him: same desire but benign instead of evil due to the crucial difference of consent, the missing footnote.
It can be very difficult for a Dom to really integrate that footnote into their worldview. Imagine (or remember) your first time giving a spanking: this is a person you care for, are attracted to, respect and enjoy… and you want to beat them? Literally strike them hard and make them hurt? It seems contradictory and even Doms with years of experience and genuinely masochistic partners can sometimes find themselves dealing with guilt.
Subs can find themselves angry and resentful at being made helpless, made to suffer, used for another’s pleasure. Even though they like it, crave it, need it, cultural rules say they are a victim being abused by a sick and evil man who they should hate for his vile acts.
Grab a woman by the hair, tear the clothes off her body, strike her with a whip and demand she service you sexually: is this good or evil? The answer depends entirely on whether she is screaming “Help! Police!” or “Yes, Master! Please!”
Okay, so consent lets good people do bad things, but why do they want to? Becasue power is a rush, a thrill, an adrenaline shot that makes you feel eight feet tall with a foot-long dick. When you see fear in your sub’s eyes as you approach with the whip you feel the rush, because she would not be afraid if you didn’t have power. When she cries out in pain you feel the rush, because you couldn’t be inflicting pain if you didn’t have power.
There’s a thrill in breaking society’s rules, there’s a thrill in wielding power, and it is the sub’s willing submission (the “power exchange”) that gives the Dom this thrill. We’re intensely grateful for that, by the way.
Most of the time the sub consents to pain becasue she enjoys the sensation and her own adrenaline rush. She finds it sexually arousing just as the Dom does, and it adds to her own gratification. She benefits: there is “something in it for me.” Most of the time.
And the rest of the time? The occasions when it’s a type of pain she does not enjoy or when there will be no sexual release for her, when there is “nothing in it for me”? A woman once said of blowjobs, “All I get from it is a sore mouth.” True, but selfish. Did she not enjoy pleasing her partner? Did she find no gratification in being able to give her man thrills, excitement, pleasure? Did she take no pride in the way her effort and sacrifice gave the one she cares for joy and satisfaction?
Submission is a gift, but will you give it only in an exchange? Or will you give it, even suffer in order to give it, when your only reward is the gratification you feel from pleasing your Dom, the satisfaction his appreciation brings you, the pride of accepting and overcoming a challenge that would defeat all but a tiny few? Are you willing to accept pain in order to thrill your partner even when the only rewards for you are emotional, not physical?
Those rewards can be very substantial: a good sub can spend all day in a crowded shopping mall and never lay eyes on a woman whose man is more satisfied than her own, never see a woman who can do a tenth of what she does or would even be willing to try.
This is all from the point of view of a Dom, and a cruelly sadistic one at that. I hope subs reading this will comment, both to better inform me and to add their own insights to the body of BDSM knowledge found in these pages.
- 25/03/2021 at 12:08 am #59338lil gParticipant
I am a Alfa sub / lil, in my opinion power exchange is more then the subs exchange being available to sex or the expectations we will remain a sub during the Doms Vanilla’s shit shows. Power exchange is a balance and its defined differently by each couple. I do not necessarily need to have a release during intimacy but I need the “intimacy “ one way or another. So that’s my example of power exchange in the sexual way. Of course it’s subs we are supposed to strive to always please our Master/Dom or Daddy.. but going back to that exchange in return he is also supposed to provide for us the needs that we need as individualized as they may be. My soul happiness as a sub honestly does not come from just simply striving to please it also comes with the reality that without subs there would be no Doms/Daddy’s or Master’s so we as subs should be respected with the acknowledgement we are giving the power to them …….in exchange the power exchange is created. My happiness is giving power to my Dom to allow him to become possible a person he either couldn’t be before or never knew he was. But it goes without saying he to does not place my happiness first in reality it’s his when it should be “ours”. Needless to say we are now having a power struggle instead of a power exchange. I decided to fold… And I explain to him I am putting down my sword… They had it seem to of made no difference at this point. I don’t feel that a sub is either not a sub or a bad sub if her soul purpose as a sub is not necessarily On pleasuring her Dom. What makes a good sub is the person that she knows she is inside and willing to be for the other person she chooses. That definitely includes pleasing your Dom, But it is also it’s a give-and-take.
This is my view on the subject. 😊
- 25/03/2021 at 9:14 pm #59344
First, thank You Master for taking the time to write this. The thought You put into it is evident. 😊
After chatting with different members of TSC, as well as my Master, I can understand the allure of pain during play and I do look forward to exploring some impact play. But honestly, the subjects discussed, including above, don’t really hit at the heart of my concern (maybe not the correct word.)
What about times when the pain is not necessarily part of play, or my be part of play but is more of a punishment type activity? Let’s use figging as an example as that is something that has been discussed recently and most everyone can agree it is not something they would consider enjoyable, whether as part of play or not. If your Dom tells you to insert ginger root anally, your first question would probably be “Why Sir? Have I misbehaved Sir?” I know, we don’t question our Dom, but when ordered to perform a task that you consider a punishment, would you not instinctively ask why? And His answer is simply “Because it will turn me on.” Not because you misbehaved or disappointed Him, not because He thinks it may bring you pleasure, simple because your pain will turn Him on. This is where the “oh” came for me. Yes, I know my Master is a sadist. Yes, I know my contract says my Master will require sadistic acts simply for His pleasure. But this is where the question “Why do you want to hurt me?” came from. I have the answer.
Will I submit? Of course I will. Will it bring me pleasure? Probably not. But it will please my Master, and that is, after all, what matters most to me.
- 26/03/2021 at 12:58 am #59349CruelPuppetMasterParticipant
Well, SexPuppet, I’m pretty sure you just made every heterosexual male Dom here envy the living fuck out of me.
I’m entirely sure you made me the proudest one here.
You are mine,
- 26/03/2021 at 2:19 am #59350
And i am Yours Master
- 10/04/2021 at 4:00 pm #60369thebarefootsubParticipant
I’m so late to the show…
Firstly, I should say, I’m a masochist. Pain is a need for me, rather than a want. I love the exchange of energy, whether that’s in my power exchange with Sir or in playtime with sadistic friends. But I have to earn any pain I receive, by pleasing him.
Now then, to figging. I really enjoy it, in the knowledge that I have 20 minutes to endure (on a fresh piece of ginger) and then it’s going to loose the heat. (If you want something really intense, grate the ginger and smear into all of the folds of your undercarriage!) And once it is removed, anally I’ll be tighter than ever, and the anal sex is 😈
He’s pleased (because I’ve made the most of the pain gift) I’m pleased (because he’s pleased) and we’re both pleased because the anal sex is even more intense for us both.
- 11/04/2021 at 7:06 pm #60383
This wasn’t meant to give Him ideas BFS! LOL
- 30/03/2021 at 2:05 am #60197Beth [MM]Participant
It is a rush for my Sir to have me consent and endure things that I don’t necessarily want to do. And I may not enjoy the activity but I enjoy pleasing him. I also think it’s a rush for him for me to enthusiastically consent to many of the fun activities we do, things that our vanilla neighbors would probably think were dirty and depraved. An emotional reward for me is better than a physical reward. I like the physical rewards of course, but knowing that I’ve please him fills my heart with joy.
- 03/04/2021 at 10:33 pm #60216supersubParticipant
I was fortunate that my first Dom recognized I didn’t respond well to the typical forms of pain he liked to use, and “diagnosed” me as a sensual sub. So he introduced me to anal sex, which can be painful for me, but the kind of pain that I was willing to endure to bring him the pleasure he required and deserved. I found this pain to be erotic and only made me want to pleasure him more. I think the lasting affect of watching me having to sit down carefully for a while afterwards brought him enormous pleasure.
- 03/04/2021 at 10:47 pm #60217
Hi SuperSub. Yes you were very fortunate. My Master wants to watch me sitting carefully for a while but not from anal sex! (I think it’s too late to convince Him I don’t like anal.) He has other methods in mind to make my back side tender. 🙄
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.