This topic contains 13 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by  Queen’s Hubby 1 week, 6 days ago.

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  • #985

    Missy
    Keymaster

    Please leave your replies to the above question.

  • #991

    Princess
    Participant

    No one knows. Except maybe the kids.   We haven’t told them but they are all over the age of 16 and not stupid. I don’t hide that I am asking him before committing to things (more than i used to) and they have seen major changes in our relationship. I will kneel between his legs and sit on the floor next to his chair. They’ve also seen the toys, the flogger and have watched 50 shades so I think they may have an inkling as to what is happening.

  • #1012

    Missy
    Keymaster

    To date, I haven’t really told that many people from my vanilla life about our D/s relationship. In terms of friends, I have told three; their reaction was one of interest initially and they asked lots of questions about what and how etc. Since then, it has not really been mentioned.  The same is true of my sisters, who I told some time ago.  They were both surprised and again asked lots of questions, but once they had satisfied their curiosity, it just became something they accepted was what we did.

    It was a little more stressful when my daughter confronted me on the way to work one morning and told me, “I know what your necklace means!” – it is a silver day collar with a small shackled heart on it. She told me that she’d read ‘The Story of O’ and knew what the circle meant symbolically. She was 16 at the time and is 18 now. We have talked quite openly about it since and it has actually helped us to have very open discussions about other areas of sex and relationships. Our boys are much less perceptive, but I think that my younger daughter, now 16, may not be far behind at putting two and two together.

  • #1013

    Viktor Sierra
    Participant

    On my side of the marriage, no one knows. Not my family or friends. My wife has only told her best friends who live out of the country. Again no family.  We are kind of new to everything (7 months) so we do not feel comfortable telling anyone else. Add to that such things would not go over well at my job so we are keeping it low key for the foreseeable future.

  • #1014

    Lurv Spanking
    Participant

    When missy posted this topic, I was racking my brains trying to remember who knew back then. Up until 2006 when I started blogging under my real name, D/s wasn’t something my wife and I discussed with anybody. Then as more and more people started following my blog, spanking and submission became a regular topic online in between the poetry and fiction posts. In real life, I think… we had a discussion with my mother about D/s, and once went poly for two years, we met people in person who knew about us. We don’t have a D/s marriage any longer, but with my fiction being published, and me starting to blog a year ago again, I am sure the topic will come up again.

  • #1015

    HisLordship
    Keymaster

    As far as I am aware, D/s is unknown to anyone in my vanilla life.  There may be one, or two people know that Missy and I have alternative sex life, at least I think they might know.  My reason for not sharing this type of information is trust. I have a very limited number of close friends and of that number I do not think any of them would be interested in our life secrets.  In addition to this there will always be a trust issue when sharing such personal information.  I do not believe that my close friends would use our lifestyle as conversation over dinner to name and shame, however, there is always their partners, with whom I don’t have that same level relationship.  For now it will stay with us, Missy’s sisters and of course, our curious eldest daughter!

  • #1016

    Lts
    Participant

    When we started D/s the first 6 months no one knew about our private lifestyle. But I wear my cuffs 24/7 always, our son,dil and granddaughter moved in for 8 months with us. So during lunch with my son I told him and my sons reply was “Mom I don’t want to know” Lol. But my son is open minded and is very dominant as his father. Than I told my sister and she  flipped out and the thing was she  loved my Sir/husband until that moment. To her BDSM was taboo and I was brainwashed. I explained to her that I asked for this lifestyle and that she should not believe what society brainwashes her to believe. That if she wanted to know the truth just ask me. I also told her vanilla life isn’t so great look at herself with her husband and the rocky roads they have, struggling each other for power in everything that they do. We are 4 years in and everyone on each side of our family knows what we do, I don’t care who accepts it or who doesn’t, as long as Sir and I are happy that is all that matters. I am who I am and I don’t change my stripes for anyone else because I have to belong. I always say don’t judge a book by it’s cover, read it before you judge it, don’t judge me by how I look or what you see different on the outside, but judge me for my personality and  values that are on the inside of me and how  I respect and treat others. That is what counts!

     

     

     

  • #1042

    Dizzy
    Participant

    Very interesting and diverse responses so far. This is a question I’ve been mulling over for some time now. I know my mom would accept us for it, but she loves to run her mouth when the wine flows. I feel I wouldn’t trust her alone on Facebook haha.
    One of my closest friends I’ve known since sophomore year of high school is well aware. He is probably kinkier than both of us, but just lacks the adventurous side to seek our a partner to practice his ways. Still he has watched our interactions to try to learn from it for the future. I feel having a single friend outside knowing is enough to bounce ideas off of on a mild weekend day. Anything beyond is too many people knowing, especially in the very public realm Kit and I are intending to be a part of.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by  Dizzy.
  • #1112

    Beth [MM]
    Participant

    We told our doctor, who is a really nice guy; and my therapist. They are both cool with it, they see we are happy. If the authorities ever get involved and won’t take my word for it maybe they will listen to these two professionals.

  • #2808

    SweetGirl (MrH)
    Participant

    I’ve told one of my close friends, she reacted in an interested and intelligent way, asking questions and I told her of some of the resources I had found.  I wouldn’t tell my family as they can’t hold their own water never mind something so private and they are an opinionated judgmental lot.  To be honest I don’t really have a close relationship with them anyway.  MrH is similar to HL, he has very few close friends and wouldn’t share something so personal with them anyway.

     

    sweetgirl

  • #4788

    Chief
    Participant

    I would say our adult children to some extent as they see messages on the white board we leave each other. In our 24/7 D/s+ relationship my sub is known as Squaw Cunt (SC) and I am Chief as the term husband is no longer allowed to be used. So the messages are always addressed to SC or Chief. They don’t say much at all but they always seem to stop at the white board to read the new messages. SC’s doctor knows and our therapist does as well.

  • #6014

    Submissivelady
    Participant

    No one ‘officially’ knows, but I think that our eldest son and his wife have their suspicions. They are currently living with us as they are preparing to buy their first home. My daughter-in-love made a comment about a recent schedule that My Sir and I created for me. Every Wednesday night it is marked as D/s time. I made light of it by saying that I had just forgotten to capitalize my initial (My Sir’s first name begins with a D and my first name begins with an S…meant to be or what?). Another give away is our, ever increasing, use of our ‘D/s’ names. He is Sir and I am Miss. Our 16 y/o daughter also lives at home, so they all kind of look at us sideways when we say “Sir and Miss”. So far they haven’t freaked out at the subtle changes in our relationship dynamic. Someday, I would love to shout it from the rooftop that I am a submissive, but I’m not quite ready for that…yet.

  • #6096

    Silent
    Participant

    My wife and I told our closest friends who are another married couple. The wife was rather reserved and didn’t say much but the husband was just crazy excited and jealous because he wants that sort of relationship and his wife isn’t open to it.

  • #6227

    Queen’s Hubby
    Participant

    So far no one on my side of life knows. My Queen told one of her friends as she sought out advice and her therapist also knows. We’d both love for all to know, but our job (which is interwoven with so many of our friendships) cause the need to keep this private. It’ll stay that way for the foreseeable future. So far only one child is old enough to maybe pick up on things, but at most he’d only suspect some kinkiness in the bedroom.

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