What is Poly and What’s it?


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    • #3862

        Polyamory what is it? Seems to be a popular question. Not so difficult to explain. The next one that follows is, what’s polyamory like? That’s not so easy to answer.

        So let’s start with the easy question first and some definitions. These are usually some how always thrown in by people curious about polyamory.

        Three people having sex together. Could be any mixture of males and females. Note this is an action or activity

        Lots people having sex together in a great big flesh soup. Note again this is action or activity just like the above but with more bodies.

        One person marrying multiple people. Usually associated with Fundamental Mormons. Note this is not legal in the United States.

        Swapping partners for sex. This is sex for recreational purposes with an explicit intention to avoid emotion connections.

        Now we’ll diced up polyamory.
        So poly in Greek means multiple.
        Then we’re left with amor which means love in Latin. Put those two together and polyamory means multiple loves. See this part is simple.

        Having multiple intimate relationships with multiple partners.

        Okay so hopefully we all know the definitions and what these are now. So let’s move forward some more to the more messy question. What is poly like? This answer might change depending on the person.

        Poly for us is an added relationship with another person or persons. So this part is tricky. We already have an established relationship with one another (I’m referring to Saturn in case You’re wondering). So any relationship we have with someone is a new relationship and additional relationship to what we already have. It is separate and yet in addition to our relationship. I hope that makes sense.

        We also pratice kitchen table poly which just means we all get along together. We hang out with these people, care about them, and are invested in them emotionally. The same with any partners we have. Yes there can be and is sex but it’s the relationship that is the main draw. Sex is more like a bonus. Not all of our poly relationships have included sex either. Really it is about the relationship.

        All of our communication is honest and open for poly to work. It’s also part of ethical poly. That means everyone and any issues (such health, jealousy, work, and anything that needs to addressed). Poly does not work when communication breaks down and problems will arise quickly with out honesty and open communication. So we all talk with one another a lot along with hanging out. So really if someone saw us they’d just think we’re just close friends. Which is true but the connection and relationship is more intimate.

        I hope this sheds some more light and understanding on what poly is.

      • #5820

          Hi. Having been in a polyamory relationship for just over two years it was interesting to read your description. I have to admit in reading it I can agree with your description

        • #6948

            This is a really interesting read. Polyamory is a topic that I am not well informed about really but interested and curious to know more. I had never even considered that it existed without sexual contact as well.

            The idea that it is a ‘close friendship’ type relationship where everyone cares for one another and are emotionally invested really sounds alluring to me.


          • #7012

              My Owner and I are both polyamory.  I am not a jealous type of person and more of a ‘go with the flow’ type.  He was dating and with others when I met him and never had a thought to it changing.  I wanted to just share his life, not change it or him, just be a part of.  We married… mmmm… almost 13 years ago and it still hasn’t changed.  I love when he gets excited about meeting a new person.  He has a ‘love’ about an hour away that he goes and spends days with.  When he returns, he tells me what they did, how they ‘hung out’ and what is going on with them.  I never get anxious or feel ‘less than’ because I know where I fit in his life.  I am a primary, and no matter how many loves he has, I am a constant.  I also fell a bit hard a few years back.  A girl that we met together.  She was more attracted to him than me, but for him it was a bit of play.  It was also the first ‘play’ we had where I felt dominant over another.  We talked, we hung out, we confided and before I knew it I needed.  I discussed what I was feeling with him and he was all for us making it a deeper relationship between her and I.  When I approached her though, she didn’t feel comfortable with it.  We have all been there, ‘it isn’t you it’s me’… ‘I just do not feel that way about you’… yada yada.  I was crushed and retreated for a while.  But that isn’t me long term.  I am way too happy to meet you and be part of whatever you are a part of to sniffle for very long.  I haven’t run across another ‘love’… yet.  But possibilities are endless, aren’t they? (smiling)

            • #60798

                I believe I may be polyamorous, due to me not being a jealous person. I want to share a relationship with two people. I’ve discussed this with 3 ex-partners, 2 being women and 1 being a guy. I wasn’t seeing them at the same time because I am also a sub and am very loyal to my partners when I’m respected. Anyway, none of those partners were okay with it so I didn’t ask them for anything, one partner left me because I was hiding that part of me from her and she didn’t like that I wasn’t showing all of me. I went into a depression because I hated that I didn’t get jealous and hated that I felt this way. But now I want to be better and love every part of myself, including this part.


              • #62195

                  Perhaps, on some level, we are all polyamorous? If we are true to our own hearts, we will love many people and not just those that agreements or law have permitted? When I fall in love I have become driven by someone but that can become, for me, almost an obsession. I may love too much and too deeply for either of us.

                  Perhaps, I see the act of polyamory as to mutually permit and exercise that love in word and deed physically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually and in any blend of the above with those people I trust, honour, obey and respect through my own choice, rather than through a legal contract or the dictate of a power beyond my influence.

                  I thank my stars that I can love but perhaps loving many means I won’t be consumed by the passion I have held onto too carefully.

                • #62197

                    Very interesting take, that any new relationship added to the existing structure is to various degrees of intimacy, with the far end of the scale being Poly. Brings to mind when one of us makes friends with a coworker and introduces them to the other to see if personalities click and hopefully we all expand our group of friends. Most of the time this works, though for us there’s a strict line of “don’t do anything that would upset the other” which is based on some serious jealousy 😉 For example if a female friend starts changing in the same room, I’ll leave the room simply because regardless of how the female friend views it I know my wife would be upset. Same principle if she’s meeting a male friend for lunch she’ll let me know ahead of time. We generally call this “avoiding soap opera drama”, intentional open communication to avoid any misunderstandings. Come home and empty my pockets, make sure to show her the paper with a phone number and woman’s name on it and tell her “This is the finance person at work who I’ve been paying phone tag with, so I brought the number home to try again tomorrow”, etc.

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