submission and aging

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    • #61229
      tangible soul
      Participant

      A wonderful evening ladies and gentlemen,

      I have started this topic as I seek opinions, advice, tips and tricks, humor or anything else that someone wishes to bring to the table concerning how we as submissives’ compensate our service as our bodies cannot do the things they once could. Getting older, menopause, andropause, our bodies refusing to believe they are not 20 anymore, you get the idea.

      As an older submissive woman I am always trying to find ways to serve others that is both satisfying to my nature and those I serve. Example, Kneeling is becoming very hard to do yet it has for years been one of the most profound physical expressions of my submission to me. For the purposes of this topic I am addressing natural submission specifically but I am also open to kink ideas and thoughts.

      I do hope this topic has not already been addressed. If it has, please kindly send me to the correct thread and please disregard this. Most importantly, I never mean to offend anyone if this topic is too sensitive nor will I ever pry into others lives. I am hoping to share with like minds and share my wisdom and hear yours 🙂

      Sincerely and in gratitude I await your responses,

      tangible soul

    • #61230
      MrC’s AussieGirl
      Participant

      Hi Tangible Soul

      A great post ! It is not too sensitive but realistic.

      I am 58 and My Sir, Mr C, is 62. After 37 years of marriage I offered My Sir my submission and he bravely accepted it 15 months ago. So we are new to a D/s dynamic.

      I also love to kneel etc but have a disability which hinders my knee ROM as I have no working Patella. This in turn has affected many joints and my spine. Luckily having been a dancer I have retained some flexibility.

      I kneel on a thick cushion though I don’t place bottom on heels, for extended time I sit at My Sir’s feet on my bottom with legs slightly extended, and occasionally manage a modified slave kneel.

      For scenes we have a massage table, wedge pillows, and memory foam etc to help. Suspension cuffs are on a wish list. My Sir is very aware at all times of my limitations and adjusts bondage ropes, position etc.

      Lol Menopause, that is another post.

    • #61252
      tangible soul
      Participant

      Hello AussieGirl,

      It was a pleasure to meet you in chat last evening 🙂 I am almost 51 and my gentleman is 56. We both have our assorted issues that start to come to the surface as we age. I have carpal tunnel/trigger finger/diabetic neuropathy in my hands, so cuffs are now out.Likewise with ropes/chains. Like you, kneeling has been near impossible to accomplish despite all my best efforts at stretching, hydration, pillow, etc. So now I sit. It’s the intention, I know, but I do miss that submissive headspace that I get from kneeling and the love I offer when doing so. We both have back issues coming out now that neither one of us knew we had. Years of working hard, I suppose. So we are trying to find ways around that and also trying to find a time when we both feel physically well at the same time LOL. All trial and error. I find great pleasure in wild crafting medicinal plants and making herbal teas/tinctures/salves. My arnica oil rub/jalapeno rub does wonders on our muscles and pains so we are working that into our play times. We are also learning to find fulfillment in D/s rather than simple postures, respects and play.

      Up until recently, my gentleman and I had a vanilla LTR for 9 years. Like you both, we are embarking on a D/s 24/7 dynamic. I have always been a natural submissive, not kink based only. It has gotten to the stage where I need to be submissive and to serve, one. Not just those I interact with on a day to day basis. He has also risen to my request and to experience his natural dominance. So this is a major change in our lives, for the better definitely but such hard work and most of the work lies in each of us working on our self independently, 150% communication and coming together each time we learn. For me its incorporating the Alpha female ( my inner protector and the “get it done” character) with my baby girl ( natural innocence) so that I can be balanced and discover my submission fully which I have not been able to do for many years.

      I am starting to ramble, apologies. I have plenty of other opportunities to talk with you 🙂 Agreed that menopause..completely different post all together HA.Thank you for sharing a part of your world with me and your experiences.

      Keep Smiling~

      tangible soul

       

    • #61253
      CruelPuppetMaster
      Participant

      This is a great topic: thank you for starting it. Many folks here are (ahem!) mature, including myself (62 in July). I don’t really feel that Puppet’s and my BDSM play is diminished by the physical restrictions we both have: it may be physically milder in some ways but the mental/emotional/sexual aspects are 100%

      Easing up on the physical stuff can even enhance the submission by making the demands on you greater. For example, if you can’t be strictly tied or cuffed to the bed, he can tie you with thread and it is on you to hold the position without breaking the thread.

      If you can’t be punished with impact toys like whips and paddles, use clamps and candle wax. If you can’t reach your hands around behind you to be cuffed, cuff them at your sides to a belt or crotchrope.

      Sex (especially the BDSM kind) is mostly in the mind, after all, and that improves with age and experience (unlike my damn knee joints)

      PuppetMaster

    • #61254
      MrC’s AussieGirl
      Participant

      Lol CPM has ‘ nailed it.’ A lot of the D/s is a mind game.

      I am also an alpha at work, outside the home and the matriarch in our family so the submission is well earned and prized by My Sir.
      At times when bondage is not possible My Sir often uses a verbal command to keep me in place or held back rather than physical bondage. This requires even more of a submissive mindset and self discipline, and even more attentiveness from the Dom. Definitely a mind game.

      • #61396
        nonyab52
        Participant

        Lol, I’m with all the above, I still retain flexibility at age 52 but my fake left hip doesn’t like to go certain ways. Actually it has not been asked in long while. But I am loving all the comments…

    • #61258
      Leathermanstoy
      Participant

      I am so glad, TS, that you brought this topic up.  Leatherman and I are both 56 and just beginning a 24/7  D/s-M.  While I have always been fairly flexible, I have gone back to yoga and pilates for flexibility and core strengthening (I also love ballet and middle Eastern dance).  However, I deal with chronic pain (that, too, is  24/7) stemming from a broken neck (event occurred 30 years ago) in addition to aging issues.  We use a massage table so he does not have to kneel or bend awkwardly for long time periods (looking into those bolsters and wedges, MrC’sAussieGirl), and Leatherman has a quick release set up for bondage.  I had a hip to cramp and he literally had me released in less than a second – I was seriously impressed with how quickly I was free.  I do take pain meds, but if we are going to play I don’t take anything very strong (I have two different strengths and just stay away from the strongest drug) and he abstains from anything alcoholic, naturally.  Oddly, I have found that flogging actually alleviates some of my pain, and subspace gives me a great break from the pain, which was an unexpected bonus.  I have a bad knee and LM will not leave me kneeling very long.  One thing we are realizing is that we just have to be a bit more creative than we would if we were twenty-something, but some of the changes are very interesting.  Menopause definitely changed a ton of things.

    • #61259
      Mister C
      Participant

      What a topic.  AG and I are quite new at this.  We have to be more creative when it comes to bondage.  I would love to see the Quick release setup thar LM has.  As far as extras are concerned (cushions, ropes, wedge pillows, etc), my AG is a fantastic online shopper so … most of the stuff are NON BRAND.  We have been lucky with our purchases.

      We are experimenting with Shibari at the moment and have found that she is more comfortable in Cotton 10mm soft cord.  The cushionng that the Soft rope gives releives the numbness and pressure on the fingers and foot surrounds.  The ties are functional and attractive.  The tie can be loose if needed and then the bottom has to be instructed stay where instructed.

    • #61260
      Leatherman
      Participant

      Mr. C, I just use a double ended bolt snap to attach cuffs to restraint straps. I have d rings on both cuffs and straps. I also use the plastic slide release buckles to attach straps to the bed frame. I am not using rope right now, just leather cuffs and webbing for restraint straps.

      I got lucky when LMT cramped as I was standing at her feet and just had to reach down and release her.

    • #61263
      Mister C
      Participant

      I hear ya.  I am just working out the best positions for anchor points on the massage bed.  I am going to try strong velcro to attach the D rings.  The rest is organic.  Practicing ties and knots to have more flexibility in bondage.  The bed offers flexible anchor points.  I like the collar in the picture.  Have you made any suspension wrist cuffs yet?

    • #61280
      tangible soul
      Participant

      A huge thank you to everyone who has chimed in! You all have wonderful ideas that work so well with our aging bodies. I smiled as I read each one of your posts. I wrote down several ideas that are so simple yet escaped my thinking. My favorite is that so much of D/s begins in the mind. Your ideas and experience will help enhance my relationship, I am grateful.

      Since my gentleman and I have different disabilities and handicaps, I have had to utilize my submission differently. We are in a 24/7 relationship. Finding more ways that I can still submit happily outside of the “bedroom” so to speak, has been a huge deal for me. I find I am becoming very satisfied in performing domestic service and chores more than I ever have before. He is designing my chores to benefit his disability and to fulfill my submissive heart. We are building a solid structure now that needs to be tweaked a bit dependent on how each of us is feeling that day.

      Thank you again to all of you for your advice and experiences. I am proud to say they will enhance my own.

      tangible soul~

       

      • #61315
        Leathermanstoy
        Participant

        Tangible Soul, thanks for this thread.  I made several notes as well and just ordered the wedge pillow (thanks for the help, AG!).  I think this thread was super-helpful for many of us.  Also, I really love how supportive, inclusive, and positive everyone on this site has been.

        • #61316
          MrC’s AussieGirl
          Participant

          You’re welcome LMT ! 😊

        • #61397
          nonyab52
          Participant

          I loved reading about this topic, as well what everyone does. I read that prayer benches can work for kneeling purposes. However after looking at them, and having arthritis in both knees, I know they would be like painful torture after 60 seconds. They may work for subs that their knees have more cartilage than mine.

           

          Thanks

          Nonya

    • #61292
      Leatherman
      Participant

      Mr. C, working on a suspension cuff design today in fact. MPL inspired me last night. I will let you know how they turn out.

      • #61409
        Leathermanstoy
        Participant

        Nonya, I tend to agree – a prayer bench would not work for me, either.  LM uses a gardening pad – thick rubber/foam mat and that seems to help him, but it is only 1.5-2″ thick.

    • #61293
      Leatherman
      Participant

      As for attachment points, I used 1 inch webbing around the d rings and screwed it to th frame under the table. Be sure to keep the attachment short enough that they don’t get caught up and fall out when folding the table. I sort of missed on mine.

      You can use a double d ring like a helmet chin strap to allow quick adjustments on restraint straps.

       

       

       

    • #61319
      tangible soul
      Participant

      You are most welcome, LMT 🙂 The topic of BDSM / D/s dynamics and aging is not one I see talked about often online. Certainly not in any frank, mature and productive way. It does my heart good to read all of your postings and be inspired by them. In being honest, I am also thankful that so many are responding that are near my own age. In that, I feel that your collective life experiences and wisdom will only enhance my own growth potential as a submissive and the beginning of a new D/s dynamic. I can relax knowing that I am among good company.

      I am grateful for you all,

      tangible~

    • #61321
      Jkj111
      Participant

      Thank you for bringing this topic up. I don’t have a lot to add but will be using some of the excellent ideas. I seem to be finding that a lot of us at this age are turning to this lifestyle so this is a great topic.

    • #61388
      tangible soul
      Participant

      Warmly welcome, JKJ.  I agree that we are finding many in our own age range that are now seeing the benefits of D/s, BDSM. I hope you enjoy everyones’ wisdom.

      Have a wonderful evening,

      tangible~

    • #61420
      Missy (Founder)
      Keymaster

      This is a great topic TS.

      HL made our bench and he used some thick foam to make the seat part so that it is softer. It folds flat so they it goes under the bed and he has plans on here for it. I think it would be constomizable for those who wanted to change it but he is making a spanking one too so will share than once it is done.

      We tend to be careful with restraint as it can be challenging to be in one position for too long but we have good quality cuffs with lots of padding and that helps. He also fitted a suspension point from the ceiling and I discovered that using suspension cuffs worked quite well. It means that my body is upright so less strain and also the cuffs are designed so that you told them rather than them digging into you. We would tend to move to a lying position after a time though as that is better for me to relax and really let go but he likes the visual of the bondage and the suspension.

      We also use a lot of honour bondage or mental bondage. I know that it doesn’t work for everyone but for me, the added effort in knowing that I must not move really helps my headspace. It also gives him room to tease and torment me as he tries to push me which is a clear reminder of his control over me which works for us both.

      missy 😊

    • #61490
      Jkj111
      Participant

      Missy,

      did you say there are plans on here. Where would I find them or am I reading it wrong? Lol

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