Struggling sub

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    • #7450

      So I’m a sub and I have been dating a wonderful guy, but he’s totally vanilla. I love him so much, but I can tell he’s uncomfortable with the whole D/s dynamic. I can feel my sex drive plumeting and I’ve found myself fantasizing about my ex Dom. It doesn’t help that he (my ex Dom) wants me back. My bf says he is willing to try, but I can see how uncomfortable it makes him when I call him “Sir” or “Alpha” and we usually stop there. Advice is appriciated.

      -Struggling sub

    • #7451

      Difficult one.

      1. I would try to be open and honest with him. Make your feelings known to him. Explain how important it is for you.
      2. Educate him. Explain what D/S relationship is. Give him material to read. Submissy has a wonderful blog.

      3. Small steps. You have already done one, you calling him Sir. But, it might be feel to him totally alien. Perhaps after you have read together about D/S you can agree together a step.

      4. Look out for growth. See if it grows on him.

      5. It does not grow on him after a few honest tries, you will have to make a decision.




    • #7457
      Beth [MM]

      I second what DW4Sir said. Communication is the key to every good relationship. My husband was uncomfortable at first because he was raised by a strong feminist and it seemed like D/s made me less than him. But we talked about it and he took the time to learn about it. I am just as valued as he is in our relationship, I choose to give him power over me.

      If your bf isn’t comfortable with Sir or Alpha maybe there is a different honorific that you could use like Boss or Chief or something else he’s okay with.

      And as it has been said it might not be his thing.

      Good luck!

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