Safety Chat

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    • #1351
      Missy (Founder)

        Notes from the chat:

        Keeping Safe can cover a number of areas from maintaining privacy to playing with other people or just safety in the bedroom.


        Created a separate email address that is not connected to your real identity and use a different name.

        Don’t include pictures of you in any of your profiles.

        When you meet up with local people try always to meet somewhere like a bar or hotel.

        If you are writing online then make sure there is at least two degrees of separation in what you post.

        Using pictures on kinky sites that you have on your vanilla profiles can link back to each other.

        Things like posting half of your face and the other half in a next pic can be easily joined together for people to figure out who you are.

        Facebook will search for friends due to a telephone number link so try to keep accounts separate.

        Not having fixed IP address to your home can also help. – this is a site about social engineering and how people can get your real identity from info you post. There are a lot of free VPN apps and software and it is a good guide for what is good.

        ScanGuard is rated as one of the top programs out there for VPNs – it can gives 3 VPN’s in US, 2 in Europe and 1 in Australia


        It’s good to test new impact toys

        The importance of safewords can’t be stressed enough.

        The Dom checking in is very important.

        You can’t completely rely on safewords when a sub is in subspace so use lots of communication and being honest.

        Note Doms get safewords too – well they’re in charge so they can just stop or maybe the sub is enjoying it but they are having hang ups about the activity, it’s better instead of abruptly stopping the scene. It gives a reason rather than the sub feeling like they did something wrong and they haven’t pleased their Doms.

        Sometimes you don’t want to safeword but it’s better than your Dom hurting you in a bad way without him knowing and it causes lack of trust, Your Dom has to trust that you will use your safewords if/when needed

        If a Dom feels that he is not getting the signals back that he would expect he should pause play and find out what is going on.

        Don’t do suspension unless you know what you’re doing and read up on bondage, especially rope play if you don’t know what you are doing. It is too easy to cut off circulation.

        Look out for choking.

        Make sure the sub can get out of bondage on their own in case the Dom faints or has a heart attack or leaves and forgets the sub tied up! If it does happen, who will call the police?,_safety,_and_risks

        Make sure that you provide lots of aftercare following a scene.

      • #51261

          In my last relationship we had multiple levels of safewords:

          “Mercy” = “I need an immediate halt.”

          “May I beg?” = “I’m fine but must communicate something important before we continue.”

          “Please hold me” = “I want to go on but need a few moments of comforting and rest.”

          When counting strokes the choice of honorific helped let me know where she was at:

          “One, Sir. Thank you, Sir” = “All good”

          “Ten, Sir. Thank you, Master” = “I am really feeling this.”

          “Twenty, Master. Thank you, Master” = “Holy crap! Please don’t make it any worse than this!”

        • #63249

            What would people say is the safer way to communicate with a Dom (or anyone else) one has only met online or at an event (before one feels comfortable exchanging names and contact information)?  A prepaid phone?  A messaging app (if so, which one)?  Some other method I have not thought of?  Thank you!

            • This reply was modified 53 years, 3 months ago by .
            • #63251

                I would say WhatsApp is probably the easiest and most popular. Another option is getting a google number. You use it from your cell phone just like your regular number. You can make and receive calls on it. They send the text to the google number and it forwards to your phone. That way you don’t give out your real number. But I think WhatsApp is easier.

                • #63252

                    Thank you, CSP!

                    Isn’t every WhatsApp account tied to a cell phone number?  Every WhatsApp contact I have shows their cell phone number (and their name).  Maybe I am missing something.  The same is true of Signal.  I gather Kik doesn’t require you to provide a phone number or email address, but it’s not encrypted and there are other issues (according to Wikipedia).

                    • #63253

                        Ahhh good point elle. It was late and I wasn’t thinking. That’s where the Google Voice number comes in. You use that to register for WhatsApp.

                • #63254

                    Thank you so much, CSP.

                    What you say makes complete sense.  From what I gather, though, iPhone doesn’t let one have two profiles for the same app. So I couldn’t use WhatsApp for two different numbers on my phone.  One possible workaround may be to get WhatsApp for Business (in addition to the regular WhatsApp), but I am not a fan of Meta and I am not even sure (how) that would work, so I may need to find an app that I don’t use yet.

                    Sorry, I swear am not looking for objections! They just seem to keep popping up. That’s why I put the query in the forum. It seems more complicated than it needs to be.

                    Thanks again!

                    • #63255

                        Lol no worries, I don’t think you are trying to be difficult I promise. I don’t use it enough to know all of these things. Do you currently use WhatsApp? It looks like you can change the number through settings. So maybe create a Google number and change your WhatsApp to that. Anyone you already have on WhatsApp would just use the new Google number.

                        It does seem much harder than it should be. I guess it’s a fine line between protecting yourself and hiding the identity of a criminal. Hopefully someone else has a better answer for you.

                      • #63256

                          Actually Google Voice has a message feature so you could call and chat right through that! 🤦🏻‍♀️

                      • #63266

                          Thanks again, CSP.  I’ll start by looking into Google voice.

                          • #63269

                            Yes Google voice is a good alternative. When we were working remotely last year, we all were told to get a Google voice account. We were making a lot of calls to our college students. And I definitely didn’t want to give my number out to them. I did have a few who would call me.  So definitely great that it wasn’t my personal number. I would call and text students everyday. I’m no longer working with them, but still have my number just in case. Though my Sir has my real number.

                            • #63354

                                Google Voice was easy to install, so thank you, CSP and Rose, for pointing me in that direction.

                                Just in case someone else wants to look into this issue, it seems there is another App, TextMe, that works a bit like Google Voice.

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