05/12/2018 at 5:33 am #6240
Hello! I’m a new submissive. My husband and I are wanting to do this but I’m inexperienced and I’m not sure how this is going to work out. My husband is actually the sweetest most caring person I know and I’m not sure if he can be a dom. He got me a collar and leash and we roleplayed a little and it was GREAT! But then during the day he acts like the meek sweet husband again. I told him I wanted to incorporate it into our daily lives and he can tell me to do anything and he agreed he wanted to but it just hasnt happened. Is there any advice or stories that are similar to mine? Should I just be patient? And is there any things I can read up on to become a better submissive? Thank you!
22/12/2018 at 2:57 pm #6273
Icarusfalls and I are in a similar position. We’ve been together for 16 years, and have only really started to seriously explore our D/s desires in the last couple of months. I’m generally an easy-going person who prefers to support and enable her as my wife, so leaving that mindset and taking on a much firmer, controlling, attitude as her Dominant is something I’m having to work very hard at.
What’s working for us, so far, is to constantly review and communicate, to discuss how our needs are and are not yet being met, and for me to do a metric tonne of research as often as I can about ways in which I can incorporate my natural personality into my role and still give her the submission and controlling she craves.
We started out believing that we would be able to confine our kink to the bedroom, but we’ve found that we’re aroused more and more by including it in our day-to-day lives. As we have 2 teenagers, and professional lives in a small, conservative town, we’re making sure we take the time to develop a clear document– a memorandum of agreement, basically– that clearly defines where and when we will include kink, what we will provide to, and for, each other, and what (and where) is absolutely off-limits. It might sound a bit formal for a husband and wife, but it’s a formal agreement between a dominant and his submissive, so that we limit, as much as possible, any doubts about how we progress our lifestyle.
Our first overt act of day-to-day D/s was for me to create 2 weeks of tasks– each morning, Icarusfalls would kneel before me, and I would give her a folded and sealed piece of paper, which she would open and read aloud. The first task was simply to list 5 kinks she had always wanted to try, but had never been brave enough to do. Day 2 was to create a slave name for herself and a Master name for me. By day 14, the tasks were more physical and sexual in nature, but it enabled us to take the thrill of kink beyond the bedroom in small stages.
I’m happy to discuss our approach so far further, if you and/or your husband want to message me.
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