New sub – need guidance

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    • #7573

      Current swinger, and have met with this guy twice before.  Intense but conventional sex.  Third time, lightly scratching my back, wound up, so say “rough”.  Things go directly to aggressive, back totally clawed up, bruises, pinching, choking.  Loved it all, but incredible chemistry.  Don’t think I would want to do it with anyone else.  So msg love wearing your marks, as if you own me.  Msg back I do own you, I’m your Daddy Dom and you’re my sub.  Well, research everything.  From what I can read, doesn’t match the intensity.  So, brand new to this, yet very excited. so just wanting advice on how to proceed.  Don’t want to seem clingy, but want desires to be known.  Don’t know how much pursuing is acceptable.  Totally out of my mind addicted to him.  Never done any of this before, and is becoming VERY intense for me, even early on.  Don’t even know what to ask.  Any advice is appreciated.

    • #7630

      Hi Bloom of the the Vine,

      I can see why you feel like you do and being Dominated has the same effect on me. I would try to encourage you to slow down if you can, as frustrating as that can be. You might want to read up on ‘sub frenzy’ as this is a common response for those just starting out where we want to experience everything now and can move at a pace which doesn’t keep us safe emotionally and sometimes physically.

      If this person is an experienced Dom then they will understand the need to build things up gradually and will take their time with you and make you wait (probably frustratingly) until they have a good understanding of your limits and boundaries.  The will control the pace and will allow you to adjust in a way which lets you understand what you are feeling. If they are not experienced then I would urge caution and make sure that you don’t allow yourself to move too fast too soon.

      I have written about sub frenzy here, Patience and Sub-frenzy, on my own blog but if you google the term you will find lots of other helpful posts.  It was different for me as we added D/s to an existing relationship so already knew each other and had the trust. It might be helpful to read about what those in new relationships feel about it too. I am always happy to chat if you want to get in touch, or perhaps you can come along to one of our scheduled chats as there will be different people there with different experiences.

      missy 🙂

    • #7632

      Thank you for your reply.    I’ve been doing a lot of reading online and have run across the concept of sub frenzy.  Is hard but trying to watch out.  Have some logistics questions, though.  As far as communication goes, is it acceptable for me to ask him to come for a visit, or is that up to him?  Also, we are not in a “relationship” per se, so how can I know the breadth of his intentions, purely sexual or on a personal level as well?  I can tell there is an incredible chemistry for both of us.  He told me that he wanted me from the first time he saw me.  I don’t want to say anything inappropriate, but it would be nice to know, especially how addicted I’m feeling to him, do I need to reign it in to not be emotionally hurt.

    • #7633

      Again, thank you so much, would it be okay for me to DM you, I’d like to be able to discuss things with someone who understands.  I don’t have anyone in my personal life.

    • #12271
      Captain’s Girl

      For some reason i didnt see this thread. Almost 6 months later, its probably to late to advise anything. However, communication is never wrong. And the right time and place is anytime and anywhere. Im curious about how this worked out for you, if you are comfortable sharing.

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