New and figuring things out

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    • #7285

      Hello, yall can call me Coffee 🙂

      I’m totally new at this, but am reaching out. I’m in a poly D/s relationship with my husband/Dom and our collective Girlfriend. We have 4 beautiful children together, and are working out the kinks (pun intended) in our D/s lifestyle.

      I have been with my husband since high school (total of nearly 13 years, though only married 9) and we have been with our girl for 3 years now.

      I am probably the most vanilla/virgin regardless of going through 2 pregnancies. I didnt (and many times still feel like) know much about sex and kink and all things “devious”. Some background, I was raised almost solely by my grandfather so there were no sex talks, or even women talks. I didn’t watch porn or even masturbate before I lost my virginity. (I still don’t because it feels weird to do it alone)

      Whereas both of my partners have far more knowledge and experience than I do. Although I had expressed the want/need to submit sexually to my husband long before I knew that was an actual thing people did and enjoyed. To be honest, 50 Shades of Grey was what kind of opened my eyes to a lot of things. Though I am fully aware it was a fictional story and understand that it isnt the best example to go by.

      Our girl, who is submissive to both my husband and myself, has even more experience in the scene than we do. Though she has admitted that she was never formally trained, but that was something she wanted from us. This was actually the basis in what began our poly relationship that over time evolved to what it is now. We are a team. A triad. Just with D/s as part of our life.

      I’ve been reading these blogs, and books, and doing the best research I can. And when I bring information back to my partners in a “Look what I learned today!” Manner, I am met with “That’s not how I see it.” Or “That’s not my understanding.” Or “I was taught the Old-School way.” And I’m honestly having a really hard time understanding what I’m learning and what they are telling me.

      Sexually, I am submissive to the masculine and dominant to the feminine. So I feel like I qualify as a Switch. Then they are telling me that No, I’m not a switch. I’m a Top Submissive. Which I am extremely confused but I’m trying to understand the way they learned things, and the way I’m learning things.

      Another frequent thing is that I’m being told that “I have no idea what this could become.” And I keep asking them to teach me, but then they don’t. At least not in a way I’m understanding that I’m being taught.

      How can I ask questions if I dont know where to start? How can I learn what kind of Sumissive I want/need to be if I dont know anything to start with?

      There are so many times I still feel like such a virgin when I haven’t been a virgin in over 10 years. I feel so inadequate in my knowledge, and I try expressing this, but I’m not met with any actual teaching.

      I also want to note that I am highly emotional and easily confused. I suffer ADHD and am most likely undiagnosed Autism Spectrum Disorder. My daughter is diagnosed, and she shares nearly 100% of the same similarities from when I was a child and growing up.

      Any advice or more research material will be greatly appreciated! Especially poly related or information relating to a Switch being stuck between a Dom and Sub. Am I even a switch?

    • #7350

      I love you Honest share. I would share …

      Not to worry about a time line.  Just enjoy the journey getting there everyday 🙂

      Baby steps, don’t be so hard on yourself


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