My Dom is my best friend

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    • #4079

      My Dom has been my best friend for over a year and we’ve now transitioned into a D/S relationship. We have entangled many parts of our lives including friends and even the kids we have between us. Can anyone make suggestions for helping me to make this a smooth transition? We’ve been on equal fields for so long that it’s hard for me not to call him out when I think he’s being ridiculous as well as turning my submission on and off around kids and our shared community… I want to please him… certain factors and habits have made it difficult… esp with this being my first and only D/S relationship.


      Also, can doms groom their subs?

    • #12314
      Captain’s Girl

      Ok, being 2 years and 4 months old… I have no advice to offer. But the question at the end got my attention. Can Doms groom their sub? The term groom in this context for me is somewhat predatory, as in an abuser grooms the victim. Within the tenants of SSC, I’d say no. Because to do so would be manipulative at best, and abusive at worst… and therefore the Dom is not a true Dom, just a person who has figured out a clever way to explain away possibly bad behavior. On the other hand, a true Dom would be always teaching, correcting, and some would say grooming the sub into the best versions of themselves.  Anyone else have an opinion on this?


    • #12315
      Beth [MM]

      My suggestion would be to talk with him about this. Find out if he minds you calling him out, if he does maybe the two of you could figure out a signal to let you know you are doing it and he needs you to back off. Also talk about ways for you to be subtly submissive around your kids and community.

      I have more common sense and I’m less impulsive than my Sir, so there are times when he needs me to bring things to his attention then he can make the final decision. I try to check in with him if I’m uncertain about my behavior. And if I’m not acting in a way he prefers he brings it to my attention. We talk often because building new habits takes a while for me. And it helps me to know his thought process in some situations, and for him to know mine.

      Good luck

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