Tagged: Male Self Improvement Nicy Guy
- 30/08/2017 at 4:49 pm #1693Masterdym (MG)Participant
Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy:
“I’m a Nice Guy. I’m one of the nicest guys you will ever meet.”
I was proud to make that statement about myself through much of my early adult life. I was a Nice Guy. I wanted to treat people well, and I wanted to be liked. I couldn’t understand why everyone didn’t have a similar personal mantra.
While in my early 30’s, in spite of my unwavering faith in this philosophy, my life was in crises. One marriage had ended. A second one wasn’t going so well. My career dreams were stalled. I was frustrated, resentful, and confused. If you talked to the people closest to me, I wasn’t so nice.
I decided to start working on my situation. I joined a men’s group and started working with a therapist. Honestly, my initial goal was to find out why the people around me weren’t responding so well to my Nice Guy philosophy, and I wanted to find out how to get them to change.
Within a short amount of time, I came to see that the problem was ME. I had an agenda. I had no boundaries. I was indirect. I was passive-aggressive. I wasn’t honest. I wasn’t always so nice.
As I was making these discoveries about myself, I noticed that married men I worked with in my practice as a marriage therapist were making the same kind of statements about their partners that I had been making about mine:
“How come I always seem to give so much more than I get?”
“All I want is to be appreciated. Is that asking too much?”
“I can never do it right.”
“She’s always mad.”
“When will it be my turn?”
“She never wants to have sex anymore.”
I could finish their sentences for them.
Then there were the single guys. The guys who either couldn’t get a date or who were deeply entrenched in the friend zone with the women they desired. These guys helped out and listened to women talk about their problems. They patiently waited, hoping the women they desired would quit lamenting over “jerks” and wake up to see what great men they were. Only to hear something like, “You’re such a great guy. You’ll make some lucky woman very happy some day.”
Over time I came to see, that like me, the road map of these passively pleasing men unconsciously influenced every area of their lives. I came to realize that I wasn’t the only man thinking that if I was just nice, people would like me, they would meet my needs without me having to ask, and I would have a smooth, problem-free life.
In the early 90’s I started my first “No More Mr. Nice Guy” group for these men. We met every other week, and I began writing “chapters” to give them about what I was discovering about the “Nice Guy Syndrome.” As I wrote these chapters, I kept receiving the constant feedback from these men and their partners, “You should write a book, and you should go on Oprah.”
Well, I never made it on Oprah, but I did write the book. Barnes & Noble and Running Press published it in 2003, and it has since been translated into several languages and sold thousands of copies.
Daily, I receive emails from men and women all over the world thanking me for No More Mr. Nice Guy. They tell me how it has changed their lives, and most express the sentiment that they wish they had found it sooner.
The Nice Guy Syndrome
The Making Of A Nice Guy
Learn To Please The Only Person Who Really Matters
Make Your Needs A Priority
Reclaim Your Personal Power
Reclaim Your Masculinity
Get The Love You Want: Success Strategies For Intimate Relationships
Get The Sex You Want: Success Strategies For Satisfying Sex
Be All You Can Be: Discover Your Passion And Purpose In Life, Job, And Career
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