06/05/2020 at 10:11 am #10550KneelingSubParticipant
I wanted to introduce myself as I’m new here, and a beginner (mostly) in exploring D/s relationships. I’m middle-aged and married to my amazing wife who is a little younger. We are both sexually submissive, her less so now than when we first met. In the “daytime” we have a really well balanced relationship, we consider each other partners and equals, and we are keen that we should lose that dynamic.
In the last couple of weeks however we have started to enjoy D/s “playtimes” where she instructs me to remove my clothes, and I obey her commands. So far it’s predominantly been me giving her long foot massages, back rubs, and a pedicure as well as getting her drinks and snacks when she commands. Despite being more of a submissive, and being in the dominant role not doing much for her sexually, she loves being served and frankly she seems like a natural to me. We have also incorporate some mild orgasm control (I am limited in my self play, and she has revoked my permission entirely some days), and verbal humiliation (mostly penis size / sexual performance related) into the playtimes.
While we have explored my Cuckolding and humiliation fantasy quite a lot, it’s always been dirty talk, the feeling of actually being a submissive serving a Dom is completely new to me, and frankly I’ve been shocked by how powerful the experience has been, as I never realised being a servant to a Dom was something I needed. Almost immediately I felt at both utterly calm and at peace, yet aroused. I’m dwelling on submissive ways to please and serve my wife most of the day, and I’ve been taking every opportunity to talk to her about it and express my feelings.
I guess the need to express is one of the reasons I’m here, so apologies if this is all too much information!
I also wanted to ask some advice from those more experienced with these feelings and being in these kind of relationships, so I have a few questions if anyone can help.
Are there any tips on how to compartmentalise these sessions? As I said we want to preserve our relationship dynamic for the most part, but I find these feeling very powerful and hard to put away.
I also want to telll my wife all the fantasies that have surfaced since this started, but I don’t want to feel like I’m trying to control the situation. How do I let her know my needs without stepping out side my role?
Finally any tips for making the feeling of control and surrender more real?
Thanks in advance for any feedback, there’s a lot there I know, but this has been quite an awakening!
06/05/2020 at 1:10 pm #10554Sweet (MrH)Keymaster
Lots of information there! Welcome to SWC.
One way to compartmentalise your play would be to have a specific signal or item to show the dynamic is in place. Perhaps a collar she could put on you and remove at the end of the play session.
As for the fantasies, you should share them. I worried about telling MrH what I fantasised about, thinking it was topping from the bottom, but MrH told me that I needed to tell him so he knew what I was thinking, but I also needed to be aware that telling me did not mean that he would being the fantasies to life, because ultimately it is up to him how we play.
Anyway I hope this helps you and I’m sure that others will offer advice too. The next chat is on Sunday at 8PM GMT if you want to talk to people in real time.
06/05/2020 at 3:15 pm #10560KneelingSubParticipant
Yes, sorry about the wall of text, will try and be more concise!
You described my worry exactly, but yes I’ll make sure I talk to my wife about everything. As you say she’ll just choose the bits she likes the sound of.
Ill try and be online for the chat, would be great to talk to others from the club, but family life may well get in the way.
16/05/2020 at 6:02 am #11671WannaBeSubParticipant
Fantasies need to be shared with your partner. My Doms preference is that I write them down. So you might want to consider that option.
As for keeping things seperate… I’m sure it can be done but we (my Dom/Husband and myself) have not done that successfully. We run a family business together and in all parts of that we are equal. At home we each have our rolls and duties and for the most part he is in charge. With that said… a new car is not going to show up without us agreeing to get a new car. One of us is not going to dip into the savings account without the other being fully involved. We aren’t going to change cable providers without discussing it first. But I have found myself doing dishes on minute, to doing them nude the next. Just because he requested it. For many they would think it was forplay or he wanted to look at me naked, but nope. He wasn’t even home.
As far as control and surrender, I personally love bondage. My Dom has taken up some basic shabari, and we also use cuffs. Like a collar cuffs can be worn anywhere, including nonsexual play. For me I find they really help me keep my head right.
Just remember as long as SS&C is being followed and everyone is happy, there is no right way or wrong way to BDSM.
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