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    • #7452

      Any ideas?

      Anybody wants to share discreet ways of showing submission in public?

      I am considering asking her to ask for permission using: “May I..?” for everything she does when we go out next….

      I am also considering asking her to spread her legs every time she is sitting down…

      Any thoughts? I am after subtle but effective ways of displaying submission in public everyday environments…

    • #7453

      I shall clarify …that I am mainly interested in ways of showing submission in public..for nights out…as a couple or with friends.

    • #7454

      If you’re going out for dinner, I have a few things I can suggest, some sexual and some more mental.

      Regarding purely sexual: Tell her to masturbate in the car on the way to the venue, put a small toy in the glove compartment to show it was planned for (Hunter does this, always fills me with anticipation). Have her wear a remote-control vibrator and activate it when she slips; Use a plug / clips whilst out – you could make her go and apply this during the outing, try secretly putting them into her bag before you leave the house to add surprise; Think about breast bondage under clothing if it is loose; Have her remove her underwear in the loo or under the table and pass it to you (if humiliation is a kink, have her place it on the table for you to take when you chose.) Also, if she is able to make herself orgasm by thinking, you could try that.

      As for the subtler touches: choose her clothes for the evening. Order for her, I love this, don’t even discuss the menu or wine list. Don’t allow her to take her first drink until you have given permission, don’t allow her to start eating before you and (if you’re ok with potential food waste) have her stop eating when you are finished. Can you think of any particularly searching questions you’d like her to answer during dinner? Make a mental list and ask one as she takes a bite of food. If you want to add an element of confusion for her (which will increase anticipation), pay the bill and order coffee, then tell her to get up and leave before it has arrived.

      … just a few thoughts…

    • #7458

      Opening doors – either she has to wait while you open them for her or she has to open them for you. My Sir buckles/unbuckles my seatbelt when he’s driving. Pick a side that she should walk on when walking with you and do you want her to be even with you, maybe on you arm, or slightly behind you. Pick a stealthy way to always address you instead of your name. Ask her for ideas of things she’d like to do/try to be more submissive when out.

    • #7631
      Missy (Founder)

      There is now a new post on the blog, written by TA! which gives some more detail about how this works for her and lilith. Discreetly showing a D/s-relationship in public.

    • #7652

      This might be a little Story of O’ish, but many dinners that my sub and I feature a subtle bit of protocol.  It starts with a silver day collar with a small leash ring. If one is looking, even if one doesn’t know what they are seeing, a collar, it is just unusual enough to make someone wonder.

      I prefer her to wear a dress or skirt that is not skin tight – a skater dress is perfect, or a loose wrap skirt.  Anything that she can hitch up when she sits without too much difficulty.  In this way she sits with her bare bottom on the seat and ofter exposes just a little bit of a garter strap. Her legs remain spread throughout dinner.  These are just a few little things that spice up our night and make it special.

    • #7837
      Captain’s Girl

      I always wear my collar. I never open a door for myself (except to go to the ladies room). I do not assume which chair I am to use when being seated. I always wait for him to pull out my chair. I ask permission to leave the table or to step away from an event for any reason. I do not check my electronic devices.  Among other things.


    • #7872

      I would say it is all a matter of perspective.  How discreet is your discreet?  For example, I used to date a Lady who while I’m not a crossdresser, would insist I wore panties if we went out to dinner.  It something we were both always aware of, and something we both really enjoyed.

      She’d have me hold her purse for her at any time, and there were occasions where I carried her purse for the whole evening holding it open for her and patiently waiting whenever she dug around in the bottom less beast the thing was.  Always will wonder how a Lady can fit so much stuff into some of those tiny purses, but I guess it is just part of the mystery of it all I guess.  She also always insisted on pulling out my chair for me, instead of the more typical guy pulling chair out for Lady, and I wasn’t allowed to sit unless she gave me the nod or held my chair out.  Lord forbid I not sit fast enough and cause her to stand their holding my chair one second longer than she thought necessary, or if I just ‘fell’ into the chair gracelessly.  (Yeah, this was the Lady that taught me how much I like spankings, still miss her).

      When I was living on the east coast, I was seeing a fellow who only allowed eye contact during sex, and even then only when he said ‘Look at me’.  So you can imagine in public never looking your date/partner in the eye, eyes always down.  But he hated it if I looked meek, so standing tall and straight was always a requirement, and would get downright angry if I slouched.  It was a very strange dynamic.   I found the eye contact thing to be rather enjoyable, particularly because no one else seemed to see the dynamic or importance of it to us.  He’d also get up to other stuff in public, but I’d not really call any of that ‘discreet’.

      I would say picking out your subs clothes, telling them what to wear.  Instructing them on their bathing rituals such as wearing a particular scent you like (and if your sub is a guy, it can be very uncomfortable for him depending upon how comfortable he is with his place).  Wandering around smelling like “Seabreeze” could just be avoiding mosquitoes, Chanel no 5 however.. uh, yeah.  Don’t know if that would work as well for submission if your sub is female, but maybe you have a favorite she could wear for you?

      I’m a huge fan of the ‘little things’.  The small reminders.  Overt sexuality is great and all, but it doesn’t have as much impact as the small things that keep Him or Her always in your mind.   It is interesting to me how many relationships I have been in over the years with someone who is more of a Dominant personality than an actual Dom or Domme and how our relationship tended to be more of a D/s sort of thing than I ever realized.  Maybe that is the way it just should be for some?  Eh.. off topic.


    • #7875
      Captain’s Girl

      It is interesting to me how many relationships I have been in over the years with someone who is more of a Dominant personality than an actual Dom or Domme and how our relationship tended to be more of a D/s sort of thing than I ever realized.

      Same for me. Otherwise it was a very short lived relationship. It didn’t take me long to chew them up and spit them out if they weren’t strong enough to keep me in my place.

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