D/s our journey after a year

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    • #6101

      It has been sometime since I’ve posted and I thought I would share where Serenity (no longer littleone) and I are in this life style.

      Its been just over a year now and I will say our lives have never been better. In the beginning I believe that we were like most that make the choice to enter BDSM, we were scared, unsure of where we fit in, what are kinks, what our kinks were and a thousand other things associated with this choice.

      We searched the internet looking for information and like minded people. What we found was confusion and the thought of maybe that BDSM wasn’t for us.

      Then one evening just before bed I came across the web site “The safe words club” This is truly where our journey began. Here we found open honest people that offered factual advice and helped with our many questions. So to everyone here that helped with that I say thank you.

      And a very special thanks to HL and Missy for helping us on our path into BDSM right when we were about to leave it.

      In the first few days of BDSM we chose the DD/lg path, and after several months discovered it didn’t quite fit who we are.

      We moved into a D/S dynamic. This classification seemed to better describe us as a couple.

      Serenity (formerly littleone) discovered that submission, service, discipline, and pain is what makes her happy. And myself, I found that Dominant rather than Daddy was a better fit.

      This discovery didn’t magically turn our relationship into what it is today.

      Until the day before yesterday trust was the biggest hurdle I had to overcome . You see I still had kinks, desires, and needs I hadn’t shared. I still believed that these thoughts and needs that I had were wrong, or that I would be judged as being sick and/or twisted. (My sub looking at me and yelling “You want to do what to me! Why!”)

      I am a Sadist, I like the more risky styles of kink (Suffocation, aggressive impact play and so on, though the thought of knife play, cutting, bleeding and needles are not for me) And up until four days ago this worried me greatly.

      And because of these fears , I believe I chose the Daddy/little dynamic to hide who and what I am in order to “Play it safe”

      Now granted there is much more that occurred to get to where I am than what I could write in a few sentences, but this was the driving force.

      I look back at all our conversations, insisting in complete honesty about everything, needs, kinks and so on, and I, being a hypocrite not trusting Serenity to accept me for who I am.

      Four days ago Serenity and I wrote our first contract. (Because of our 27 years of marriage we assumed we didn’t needed contracts, this was our mistake).

      I insisted that it be concise, complete and honest. I told her to not assume or leave anything out that was important to her.

      Near the top of the contract serenity wrote “Honestly tell me what your kinks are, all of them”

      Apparently I wasn’t as good at hiding my needs as I thought I was (I suppose twenty seven years of marriage made her able to read me like an open book). I told her I would need a day to consider this and that we would talk about it the following day.

      The following evening I decided to share everything completely and honestly to come clean as it were and let the chips fall where they may.

      During our conversation there were long periods of silence as she considered my more exotic types kinks. As well as times of “Sure I like that too”. But it was the long periods of silence that got me worried.

      Then she said “Can I tell you something? I am a masochist, you know this, I always have been. I have wanted to explore new avenues of pain as well as working on my pain tolerance and this seems to go along with what your needs are”

      Despite her saying the words I had so desperately wanted to hear, I was still unsure.

      We discussed all my kinks, some she already knew, some surprised her and some gave her pause. But she agreed to try the majority. Only one or two she couldn’t give.

      To my surprise she agreed to find another that could satisfy those kinks that she herself could not.

      I said I’m not interested in finding satisfaction with others, that we would find compromises for those few kinks that she was uncomfortable with and unable to do.

      (Now at this point I want to add, that in our area where we live, and the circles in which we travel, being monogamous is the minority I don’t know why but I found that fact to be very surprising. Apparently monogamists are an endangered species…)

      So after a year or so our path has finally became straight and true. And for that I am truly thankful.

      The advice I give others about this lifestyle if they ask is, honesty and communication with additional communication and a little more communication on top of that. These are the best materials to make a foundation in which to build a relationship.

      Furthermore I find great comfort that we both now know “I am a sadist”

      Dax (formally known as Daddy)

    • #6102

      Thanks for a great post and the thumbs-up!  So pleased this are going your way and that you have both found you own corner of kink.

    • #6128
      Beth [MM]

      That’s what’s great about this dynamic you can try on roles to see if they fit, keep what does and leave the rest. Mr Man says the three C’s of D/s are communication, communication and more communication, lol. It’s awesome that you were able to open up to Serenity and now you can both get your needs met. Thank you for sharing.

    • #6141

      Thank you guys.

      Its been a wild ride.

    • #6583

      Congratulations on finding what works for the two of you 🙂  And 20+ years of marriage to boot!  My Dom and I have also been in a monogamous relationship for a little over 2 decades now.  And, I will say that from a sub’s standing, open and honest communication is absolutely the best route to go.

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