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    • #4258
      Missy (Founder)

      I am posting this for a friend as I have never experienced this myself but wondered if anyone else had.

      “I had really good play session last night .. same partner I always with play with .. got caned belted etc .. and always finish with me being choked as I like that .. was just going into a happy state of subspace would have been heaven but everything went black it was like I transgressed back to childhood and it was my dad beating me .. all I remember is falling down screaming holding onto his leg so he couldn’t hit me still thinking it was my dad .. Sir was really nice and held me and stroked my face till I calmed down .. Why would I go from subspace to childhood memories I’d blocked out for over 40 yrs . Is it common? Does it happen?”

      If anyone has any thoughts about this and has experienced something similar then it would be really helpful if you could comment and I can pass it back to her. We discussed the fact that maybe she went deeper than usual into a state similar to being hypnotised where I know you can regress, but just wondered if anyone had any other thoughts.

      • This topic was modified 51 years, 11 months ago by .
    • #4357

      Unfortunately, I have had similar experiences. I have been nearing subspace and instead found myself in a flashback to sexual abuse that happened when I was a child. It happened a few times and was disturbing enough for me to talk to a counselor about. She said that the neural pathway between subspace (endorphins) and a flashback are very similar and could easily ‘cross’. For me, I have found if I am in a certain mental place before play then I am more likely to go to a flashback if I get too deep in play so I will let my Dom know and avoid the flashback. On the other hand — for your friend, this could have been a one-time cathartic experience that is good for her to have gone through – I know some people experience disturbing memories in subspace at times as a healing process and do not experience recurring episodes of it and do not find it intruding on their lives.

    • #4364
      Missy (Founder)

      Thank you so much for sharing your own experience. I have passed that on 🙂

      • #4366

        You are welcome. I hope she finds something that works for her. It is definitely a process to do so — I had another instance of this this past Wednesday night, even when being cautious. Fortunately,my Dom very quickly picked up on a change in me and began telling me I was safe and I just had to nod that I understood I was safe and say I needed more pain. Once I was receiving pain again I was able to pull back from the edge of flashback/memories. Some people/therapists think a person should always stop when they experience a flashback memory but I find that if I am not in emotional distress and can transition back to submission and away from feeling like I am back when the abuse was happening that I can continue with play but everyone is different and I am not successful in continuing every time. Personally, I felt like I was letting the abuse ruin my submission if I stopped every time and that just made me mad and anger motivates me when not much else will LOL.

    • #6592

      Yes, this can happen.   But sometimes other traumas we have experienced, and shoved away, can also resurface.  I’ve had things ranging from childhood to my teens resurface, and it is almost never nice when it does.   And, deep down knowing these things CAN sometimes happen if/when I get totally lost in “sub space”, I rarely (very, very, very rarely) allow that to happen.  I say this simply because something once happened with me giving a BJ to my Dom (who is also who I’ve been married to for over 20 years) and very unfortunately something went wrong when he/we got a bit carried away.  No one was hurt, not physically anyways, but it triggered a memory to a time when I was 16 and actually sexually abused inside of a hospital with an IV full of chemotherapy in my arm! I panicked, I hit Sir, bolted away from him and began crying uncontrollably.  Naturally, he wanted to know what happened and why I did that.  So, I told him, just straight up told him.  His response wasn’t what I expected.  I don’t know if I struck a nerve with him or exactly what, but his response was “Oh, so I have to hear about that M****** F***** even now.  It’s been over 20 years since that happened to you and you still can’t f****** not bring up s**** involving him.  I know he was horribly abusive, I know he was a**hole, but I’m sick of memories like that f****** with what we do.”    That incident occurred about a year ago, and I’ve NOT made the mistake of getting so “lost” in things as to allow my brain to get to a point where it CAN have such flashbacks.  It sucks, honestly, but the damage that such flashbacks can have can be very bad on not just my mental state but also cause negative effects in my relationship.

      We have to be careful with some sensation play for similar issues.  I love wax play, but once it was too hot when it hit my skin (that was an accident that only ever happened once) but it burned bad enough to trigger yet another flashback to the same abusive BF that I mentioned above.  I honestly don’t think this incident would have ever occurred had I not gotten two different candles mixed up.  They looked alike, but their wax was not the same thus the result in the different temperature.  Let me just say, DO NOT and I mean DO NOT accidently get “Emergency Candles” mixed up with other candles, it’s not pleasant unless you like first degree burns that last longer than minor burns you can get from cooking.


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