Dominant submissive mindset

Focus questions for working on Dominant submissive Mindset

This post is part of our Dom sub workbook and involves using focus questions to look more closely at Dominant submissive mindset. Mindset, accessing and maintaining it, was one of the areas that came up following the reflection we did as part of Setting goals for D/s. It was something that we both wanted to work on because although we are both committed to living a Dominant submissive lifestyle, sometimes life gets in the way and we don’t always feel as D or as s as we would like.

If this sounds familiar then perhaps you would like to join us in reflecting and setting goals to improve your own Dom or sub mindset. If so, please feel free to use the questions below and share your thoughts in the related forum. This is the second part to the workbook but there is no need to stick to the order as it will depend what you want to work on yourself. If you are blogging and intend to post your answers then please use the badge at the bottom of the page to link back to this post.


What do we mean by a Dominant or submissive Mindset?

A mindset is a set of beliefs which affects how you think, feel and behave. Essentially, in terms of your dynamic, it refers to the specific Dom and sub mindsets that you adopt as part of your role. Mindset includes the thoughts, feelings and behaviours your have which are Dominant or submissive. To read more about mindset and the things which can help you to access and maintain it, you might want to check out How to access and maintain a Dominant or submissive Mindset.

Focus Questions

1. What things help to access your Dominant or submissive mindset?

Try to identify the things which usually make you feel more Dominant or more submissive and put you in the mood? You might want to consider areas such as giving or receiving instructions, acts of service or sexual charge.

Try to organise your thoughts under the following headings:

  • Mental
  • Emotional
  • Sexual or physical

2. What things help to maintain your Dominant or submissive mindset?

This part is similar but rather than look at what puts you in that mindset, you should think about the sorts of things that help to keep you in that space. Areas such as rules and rituals, maintenance activities, and active tasks might be helpful starting points.

Again, try to organise your thoughts under the following headings:

  • Mental
  • Emotional
  • Sexual or physical

3. What are the barriers to accessing and maintaining Dominant submissive mindset?

Make a list of the things which get in the way of your good intentions. Some of this might come from the traits and qualities you have which can be a barrier to being Dominant or submissive. You will have a list of these if you completed the reflection from Part 1 (1. Setting Goals for D/s). There will likely also be practical things which get in the way: health, life events, work and family demands etc.

4. Focus Points / Goals

Try to choose two or three goals or areas of focus to work on to improve your mindset. This can be in terms of accessing the right mindset or it could be about maintaining it. This task is about you so what you choose and how you choose to do it will be an individual thing.

Depending on what you choose you might find it helpful to rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 as to how close you are to reaching your goal currently. Think about what would make a 10 (it has to be achievable within the limitations that you have identified) and how you are going to get there: What are you going to do? What action are you going to take to make this possible?

It is important to check back and evaluate your progress. Some things might seem to improve quickly and others will take more time so you can set more goals or focus points as you go but I would recommend starting with just two or three.


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© The SafeworD/s Club

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