There are people of various genders who have the role of dominant in their relationship, and find it something that is naturally a good fit. Equally there are many that strive to be that type of person and find it harder than others, and yet they continue to try hard. It’s good to have aims, and it is equally good to accept that a target is something you try to hit but may not be skilful enough to strike the bull’s eye every time. People that throw darts professionally practice for hours on end, however, even with good hand and eye coordination and muscle memory, they often fail to pick up the prize money. Relationships are no different really, no matter how hard you try, your aim is sometimes off.
One of the darts that keeps ricocheting for me is communication with Missy. I generally spend a lot of the day on my own and by the time I have had a thought to discuss, it’s gone by the end of the day never to be seen again. I do have a short attention span it should be said, ‘bordering ADD’ missy once commented! So, last weekend over an early breakfast we discussed an increased need for more communication as we both recognised that the pressure’s of our lives were rising already. Our emotional D/s baskets were near empty and need filling!
In her usual fashion of being a teacher, missy attempted to provide further support to this through an analogy which I like and thought I would share. She said, “When you share information or ask a question it’s on the surface, like the sea. I like it when you dive deeper, exploring more layers, asking more questions, pushing further until there is no more to see.”
It is sometimes easy when being caring and considerate to only provide what is needed through response to a situation. I think when you get more than you need it gives you options. You can decided what to do with the ‘added value’ that is being presented. A bit like money in a way, if you have none your spending power is reduced, if you have some then you can spend it on the basics, however, with more you have additional options. Similar to emotional currency, if you have excess it can be banked and will tie you over during times when your connection is tested through distance or other forces demanding your time.
The singer Paul Weller once wrote, ‘Our time is on loan, only ours to borrow, what I can’t be today, I can be tomorrow.’ D/s is very much built on shifting sands and to manage that it is easy to ignore that successful married or long-term relationships are 80% emotional connection and 20% sex. Sure there are times when these numbers slip back and forth, but that is change, that is life and that is what you have got to play with. For me, being an ever-changing man is key to meet the ebb and flow of our relationship; although being the one throwing the darts and in control is preferable to being the dart board and catching the arrows!