This guest post is a collaborative post by Vixen Lee and Sub Mace. We are really grateful to them for working together to share their thoughts and experiences of Dominance and submission online.
Are you Online and Fine in 2020?
Submissives Vixen Lee and Sub Mace, living on two continents get to the ‘bottom’ of how their lives are shaped by technology and their personal circumstances.
Vixen Lee is 41 years old, married and lives in the USA. She has an online relationship with Master James who lives in Ireland.
Sub Mace is 52 and lives with his partner in the UK. Sub Mace isn’t owned but is exploring his submissive instinct with his partner.
Why Choose an Online Relationship?
Sub Mace says; “Meeting for the first time, online, we agreed that it would be good to share our thoughts about how online relationships can work. For those of us who need a relationship with a D/s dynamic, being online offers a space where trust and safety can be negotiated and controlled from our own homes”.
In 2020 online relationships offer connection, within the limits imposed by distance and quarantine, as well as helping us reach out to others who we can relate to within an ever more accessible ’global village’.
Vixen Lee adds “Online dating and relationships have become more common, perhaps because modern technology allows individuals to communicate through multiple platforms relationship can be built through the development of emotional and mental empathy in the absence of physical touch”.
How does an Online Relationship Work?
Vixen Lee goes on to consider how an online D/s dynamic works for her; “It gives me the ability to fulfil my needs as a submissive without detrimental damage to my home life and family. I entered my D/s relationship without having had any previous experience. Since finding this relationship, I have found that my life is much more structured, and I feel I am reaching my potential to flourish with a submissive existence. My Master has taken the time to get to know who I am so that he is able to meet my submissive needs. His tasks and challenges and punishments provide a framework in which I have grown”.
“Ordinarily, I tend to allow my temper and battiness take over my life which makes me impulsive and leads to bad decision making. Having Master James in my life and knowing there are consequences to my actions allow me to conduct myself in a better manner. Now, I am aware of how I am comporting myself and how I am reacting to situations. Master James offers me another perspective and a greater influence”.
So, How Do We Communicate and Play Within These Online Spaces?
Vixen Lee adds “We are spoilt for choice with so many forms of technology available to us as well, countless websites and apps. Written messages, voice chat, and video chat offer a variety of ways of sending and receiving our thoughts, instructions and reports. Master James and I use two of these options. Our communication takes written form through online messaging and we hear each others voices in voice chat.
I have avoided any video messaging with him. Many others will enjoy the visual exchange but the childhood trauma I experienced has left me unable to feel confident with this. He is very understanding about my situation and knows that is a definite ‘no’ for me. He does push at my limits by instructing me to do certain things with a mirror or take photos after tasks which I can choose to send to him or not. Master James asks me to store the photographs in a folder and he has me open that folder from time to time to look at them”.
The Importance of Routine
“Master James communicates daily with me and does his best to set a schedule for us. Certain times of the day have become ‘our’ time to talk and he ‘reaches out’ when he has available time. There are six hours between us thanks to our locations in the world”.
“Our phone play time consists of me pleasuring myself while his voice and ear are by my side. He too, has played for me though he uses video so that I am allowed to watch him”.
“My husband has played a part in this relationship and has been used to play with me as well as in delivering Master James’ chosen punishment. Masters’ punishments’ usually consist of me doing as he instructs. Master tells me which implement or object I should use and exactly how. He chooses perhaps rope, candles, pegs, ice, a flogger, or he might tell me to go outside naked. Sometimes it’s just being made to look into the mirror and take photos of myself. Moments with the mirror and taking the photographs are are the most challenging; for me”.
“Aftercare is so important to me and within this D/s dynamic. For me, soothing and loving words work as I recover from the sensory and mental experiences within a powerful play session ensure that I feel secure. Master James always tells me how proud he is of me and lets me know how well I have done. Sometimes, following punishment, his aftercare allows me to orgasm. That surge of pleasure brings me warmth and comfort much and it’s like I am being hugged and cradled in his arms”.
“For me, this very special kind of online relationship brings me a connection to another person that can feel as close as physical touch. Master James and I share personal moments, we share headspace and thoughts and his influence and control are no less powerful for being online”.
Finding Friendship and Support
Sub Mace has had a different experience of using online communication. For him, being online currently offers as space where he can relate to others who share his interests and from who he can get ideas and some understanding of how being with a D/s relationship affects the rest of our lives.
Sub Mace says…
“ I have been online over many years and I have met play partners and friends through a variety of platforms. The friendships have been a constant source of support, stimulation and have helped me check out how I fit into a world that has sometimes felt either elusive or threatening. As a result of embracing online connection, I have been able to engage constructively with others and develop confidence where my personal insecurity and low self esteem have made physical encounters with others very challenging. Even today, after 52 years of living, I find I need reassurance about my value and my worth to others. Being submissive comes from that want to please and to receive some recognition of my worth”.
“I am excited about having this opportunity to share a platform with Vixen Lee as I move forward within my own life. I know that my confidence is growing and I know that the understanding I sense from my communication through cyber space helps with that growth”.
Find Out More
Sub Mace writes online at submission2word from time to time sharing his thoughts about his own journey. He says he may start to move towards “being more entertaining and sharing some stories that will provide some enjoyment or inspiration” so watch that space!
Vixen Lee and Sub Mace clearly benefit from their connections with others online and their experiences offer a taste of what; ‘virtually’ brings sustainability and growth with an a D/s existence in 2020.