In a recent chat event on the SWC many subs were interested to hear about Dom Drop, what that felt like for a Dom and what caused it.  I was asked to write something on the subject, so here goes!

Before I touch on my own personal experience, I decided to do a little research on what the rest of the internet thought on the subject, and I was a little bit surprised.  I watched 5 videos giving a view and read 5 random articles, all of which were very different in their interpretation. It should be noted that 17 of the samples were written or presented by subs!A common scenario used to demonstrate Dom Drop was after a scene. Long explanations of endorphins and dopamine leaving the body indicated similarities to a sub who has been in play for some time. I found this to be a bit generic and it didn’t really apply to me. I tend to feel like I would after a heavy session in the gym; a bit shaky and quite horny!  I do openly recognise that this could be perceived and for some is Drop, however, I do not feel ‘dropped,’ quite the opposite.

Another explanation of Dom Drop, which came from the 3 samples produced by Doms, who looked at it from a motivational and emotional perspective.  I related more this, as it can catch you without warning.  Let’s assume for the sake of argument that D/s does not configure for a moment.  What is the vanilla equivalent of Dom Drop:  Grumpy, sad, tired, annoyed, angry?  It could be caused by a wide range of situations from family issues, money, illness, work pressure, holidays, a partner’s actions or even it just being a bad day!  In summary, these drain a person’s motivation to proactively interact with other people.

So, is Dom Drop, just being anti-social?  I would say not, and again this is a personal reflection so go with me on this.  For me Dom Drop comes about because I have, or I perceive myself to have let my sub down. I have not upheld my end of the bargain and therefore have disappointed not one, but two people.  Being a Dom is about being a better person, an enhanced version of your former self in so many ways.  At times, you can almost set yourself up for a fall, although mostly you overcome this in the blink of eye because, you are so amazing….

Missy will often pick up when something, not so obvious, is bothering me. She will ask what it is and she has an expectation that I will tell her.  One of her own catch phrases is, ‘What is the worst that can happen?’ She is right, because it probably has happened, and if not, let us talk about it.  Doms and subs are just people with the same everyday issues as a lot of normal fortunate people out there.

The subs out there who want to do something for their Doms with a drop in motivation could work with them to overcome the issue. We spout on about communication as if it comes easy to everyone, when in fact it does not. Many people are verbally retentive and it takes time, especially if the Dom is harbouring hidden feeling of guilt for being a bit flat at times.  A blow job won’t cure it, it might break the ice, however, sometimes the sub has to stand stronger and as Dolly would say, “Stand by your man.”

5 thoughts on “Dom Drop

  1. Don’t know if this the right place to be but after a bit of advice I’ve been in a Dom/sub relation for a while now but have known him for longer we face time a lot and I perform for him he dons me we had a session on tues but on weds we face timed we were chatting and I sent a pic to him but sent it to my son instead it was only head and shoulders told my Dom I had sent it to my son by mistake he asked why and how u going to explain that and what if he puts it on the internet said he would not he would just delete it said he was not happy and that he was not a happy person told him I was sry more than once I’ve not heard from him since even if he’s not free to chat or to Dom me he always text to see if I’m ok but I’ve had nothing since he said he was not happy I’ve messaged him a few times but nothing don’t know if he’s punishing me by not texting or I’m not his sub anymore if that’s the case I’m sure he would say rather than the silent treatment I don’t know where I stand he may have lost or broke his phone or had family issues it’s the unknown that’s hard to cope with we are both married and our partners are fine with the situation just unsure of what to do don’t want him to think I’m being a pest in previous conversations he’s always said he cares a lot for me and worry’s about me it’s so out of character please can u advise ty

    • Thanks for your message, and yes it’s okay to post a request for help here!
      Before I begin, there is a strong chnace you will not like what I write, and that is because it is detached and devoid of any emotional attachment you may have. In addition, I’m being honest and straight.

      Okay, so you sent an innocent photograph to your son, and your Dom is unhappy. First and foremost, you son is your priorty. If he is happy, then so should you be. It does not sound like your Dom has explained why he is unhappy with your small mistake. Being a mind reader is not usually a requirement for a sub!

      Your Dom has failed to make contact, that is not your fault. It sounds like he is attempting to punish you, and doing it badly. You say that that he ‘says’ he cares for you a lot and worries about you. His actions say the opposite I would argue.

      Despite common perception, it is the sub that has the overall control of the relationship. This man has no right to take your submission, he is taking the submission you offer. Any bad feelings you may have casued by his in-actions can be stopped immediately by you.

      Think about this way; if you had a dog that continually bit you, the options are to retrain or get rif of it. You would not let it hurt you, make you feel anxious or bad about yourself just because it had big brown eyes! It can still bite next time.

      My advise is simple. Tell you Dom how you are feeling, what made you feel like that and you would like to be treated. If he can’t work with it, then find someone who looks after your best interests at all times.

      HL

      • You’re right my Son is my priority and he never even mentioned it the next day all forgotten another thing my Dom said was what if he puts it on the internet told him there’s no way that he would. No he didnt say y he was unhappy with what i did if he is punishing me then fair enough but would have been better if he had said I’m not happy then say there’s not going to be any contact for how ever long at least I would know where I stand at the moment I don’t know whether I’m still his sub or not or whether somethings happened within the family ie accident or a death etc would tell him how it made me feel if and when he gets in touch. Just be nice to know what’s happening and where I stand at the moment I’m finding it very hard I can be very emotional it’s hurting so much know I shouldn’t get upset but can’t help it miss him don’t know how to handle it and what to do next as if I send a message there’s no reply plus I don’t have anyone to talk to about it ty for your advice

      • I know my son is my priority he is happy and had said nothing at all about the pic. No he didn’t say why he was unhappy just Not happy now ,I not a happy person I think he is punishing me but he normally says that he is he’s never done it like this before. I can be a very emotional person it’s hurting to know what’s going on would like to tell him how I feel etc but it’s hard when he wont even reply. I think he may still be my Dom as he just said he wasn’t happy didn’t say he was letting me go.As early on in the relationship when I was being trained I slipped up he was honest with me and said if I slipped up again then that would be the end if I redeemed my self then things would be back to how they were and I did redeem my self things have been good since in fact they have been better than good I just need to know where I stand but it’s hard when he won’t even reply to let me know. I know I should not get upset but I miss his friendship and him doming me

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