In a recent chat event on the SWC many subs were interested to hear about Dom Drop, what that felt like for a Dom and what caused it. I was asked to write something on the subject, so here goes!
Before I touch on my own personal experience, I decided to do a little research on what the rest of the internet thought on the subject, and I was a little bit surprised. I watched 5 videos giving a view and read 5 random articles, all of which were very different in their interpretation. It should be noted that 17 of the samples were written or presented by subs!
A common scenario used to demonstrate Dom Drop was after a scene. Long explanations of endorphins and dopamine leaving the body indicated similarities to a sub who has been in play for some time. I found this to be a bit generic and it didn’t really apply to me. I tend to feel like I would after a heavy session in the gym; a bit shaky and quite horny! I do openly recognise that this could be perceived and for some is Drop, however, I do not feel ‘dropped,’ quite the opposite.
Another explanation of Dom Drop, which came from the 3 samples produced by Doms, who looked at it from a motivational and emotional perspective. I related more this, as it can catch you without warning. Let’s assume for the sake of argument that D/s does not configure for a moment. What is the vanilla equivalent of Dom Drop: Grumpy, sad, tired, annoyed, angry? It could be caused by a wide range of situations from family issues, money, illness, work pressure, holidays, a partner’s actions or even it just being a bad day! In summary, these drain a person’s motivation to proactively interact with other people.
So, is Dom Drop, just being anti-social? I would say not, and again this is a personal reflection so go with me on this. For me Dom Drop comes about because I have, or I perceive myself to have let my sub down. I have not upheld my end of the bargain and therefore have disappointed not one, but two people. Being a Dom is about being a better person, an enhanced version of your former self in so many ways. At times, you can almost set yourself up for a fall, although mostly you overcome this in the blink of eye because, you so amazing….
Missy will often pick up when something, not so obvious, is bothering me. She will ask what it is and she has an expectation that I will tell her. One of her own catch phrases is, ‘What is the worst that can happen?’ She is right, because it probably has happened, and if not, let us talk about it. Doms and subs are just people with the same everyday issues as a lot of normal fortunate people out there.
The subs out there who want to do something for their Doms with a drop in motivation could work with them to overcome the issue. We spout on about communication as if it comes easy to everyone, when in fact it does not. Many people are verbally retentive and it takes time, especially if the Dom is harbouring hidden feeling of guilt for being a bit flat at times. A blow job won’t cure it, it might break the ice, however, sometimes the sub has to stand stronger and as Dolly would say, “Stand by your man.”