This is a post that I wrote last year and posted on submissybut it seemed to fit with the ones on consent and on roleplay which were posted here already.

 

Sir and I have talked for a while about trying some ‘resistance play’. We both like the idea of a bit of a struggle and thought it might be something different to experiment with. We hadn’t really talked fully about this and the ways that we might work it into our scenes and play in order to explore it, but I guess that it was floating around somewhere in the background. Anyway, as I said earlier, as part of his birthday celebrations Sir had requested a return visit from Elf. For those of you who follow my blog you may remember that the naughty Elf was a gift on Day 16 as part of my submissive advent calendar. I realise that I never actually posted about the antics that took place, although I know that Sir did include some details on his blog, but I think that he enjoyed the naughty and cheeky way that elf behaved and was looking for a re-run. I should point out here that elf is not really like the usual me and is also not particularly submissive, so there is definitely a bratty, pleasure driven side in there somewhere just waiting to get out when the time is right.

 

So it happened that as a naughty elf was walking in the woods last Saturday, it came upon a beast. Not one to be scared easily, the elf did not immediately run and hide, but approached the beast with some sense of bravado and demanded to know what it what it was doing. Elf commented on the beast’s lack of fur but began to stroke it regardless. Elf noticed then, that the beast had a front tail and the stroking of this, and the area surrounding it, appeared to arouse the beast somewhat. The beast then declared that he would have the elf and show it the full magnitude of his marvellous front tail. Elf being elf was intrigued but was far too playful to give in without a fight. And so, a struggle ensued whereby the beast tried to use his strength and brute force to conquer the elf, and the elf tried to wriggle and squirm its way from the beast’s grasp, distracting the beast with rude and foul remarks designed to make the beast lose his concentration and throw him off his game.

 

The tale of the elf and the beast in the woods is a much longer one than this of course, and it took a few unexpected twists and turns along the way! But suffice to say that the issue of consensual non-consent was a large part. In order for there to be a struggle , there had to be a battle of wills and also of strength. Both the actions and the words used had to communicate this in order for it to really work. Fortunately our hotel room was at the end of a quiet corridor and, being a sunny afternoon, there were also fewer people around. However, had anyone chanced upon our door, they would have deduced from the squeals and the words exchanged and the tone of voice and the thuddy movements and sounds of combat, that this was not a consensual exchange. Did elf say that what it wanted was to be roughly taken by the beast? No of course not for where would the fun be in that? Rather the thrill of the chase and charge of the struggle and the heat that was caused by the exchange added to the final submission when the fight was over and the elf, huffing and panting, finally had to submit to a greater power.

 

Perhaps the role play here gave us the freedom to explore by tapping into lesser used parts of our characters, but really this is just an extension of what we often do. Even HisLordship and missy pull on different connections than those that P and E draw on to function within their different roles. We are husband and wife, Dom and sub, and everything else in between. We can become so lost in the vanilla people that we also are, that it can be good to release and forget those characters for others who are more carefree and fun and more focussed on mutual pleasure. I think that even without the cloak of beast and the elf, we enjoyed the struggle and the resistance, and this is something that we fully intend to explore again in a number of different forms.

 

Being taken with force appeals to me on so many levels. I like to feel small and vulnerable and to be reminded of Sir’s strength and power. I find it so sexy when he ‘forces’ me whether that is in terms of the physical, or simply in asserting his will over me. I also like the roughness and aggression that the abandoning of regular convention brings out in him and I can actually see the dark desire in his eyes. There is a feeling of safe danger, which I know is an oxymoron, but so many of the feelings I experience through this are seeming polar opposites which actually merge together to create something new. Giving consent to be used by Sir as, when and how he likes was a clear part of my submission from the outset. In fact, it was actually something that I had fantasised about for a while and something I saw as being a key part of the relationship, even the before D/s.

 

Was consent present at the time? Yes without doubt it was. Did we sit down at that moment and discuss and agree that what was to take place was the feigning of consent in order to further our scene? No we didn’t because we didn’t need to and that would have spoilt it. We know each other well enough to know that we are not crossing any boundaries that we don’t both want to cross together, and this is because we are dedicated to continual open and honest communication with one another that has allowed us to reach this point. The love, respect and trust is there and so we are both able to let go and enjoy each other in complete safety. That is consensual non-consent and the beauty of it is that it gives you the freedom to let go of many of the societal norms that would usually hold you back, and just let go and enjoy the more primal part of yourself and of your partner.

2 thoughts on “Consensual Non-Consent

  1. Hi. I am a new sub and I found this site useful for my learning. I am really new and he is been dom for years. Obviously, he is experienced and has tried things I cannot imagine.

    One thing is that he loves anal while I am not. How can I express it to him?

    • Hi Ann, welcome to the site and I am glad that you are finding it helpful. I think you need to share your concerns with him. Have you looked at a limits list? We found that helpful at the start as it allowed us to discuss things and get a clearer picture of what we both were interested in. I am sure that he will take things slowly for you and if it is not something that works for you there will be other things that you can do. I find full anal sex quite a lot so it isn’t something we do often but I have grown to love anal play and we built things up slowly with that. If you want to discuss it further then we can easily arrange a time to chat 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes:

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>