D/s safety

Starting out with BDSM Safety

BDSM can involve placing yourself in a vulnerable position, both physically and emotionally, so it goes without saying that safety will be on your mind. Whether you are Dominant or submissive, you are taking risks and you need to know and feel that this will be safe for you. Most BDSM play involves some risk […]

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when life gets in the way

When Life Gets in the Way – Tell Me About

I don’t own a blog, nor have much experience by the way of a D/s lifestyle, but I am able to relate at some level to the prompt suggested for Tell Me About this time – When Life Gets In The Way. Recently Hananoki and I established a D/s relationship in addition to our 10-year […]

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Aftercare

More often that not I read, or see images depicting aftercare in D/s – Kinky play scenarios where the sub is wrapped up to help them come down from what has been most likely an emotional experience. For those of you who have played like this before, you will know the value of ensuring a […]

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Impact Play

I tend to think that impact play is one of the first things that people think of when conjuring up images of BDSM. There might be some black leather or shiny PVC knocking about too, however, whips, paddles and floggers are common go-to images. I recall seeing images of staged spanking in magazines when I […]

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Intimacy

Intimacy

What is Intimacy? Intimacy is a feeling of knowing another person deeply and feeling deeply known by them. It is created over time and comes from a deep connection on a number of levels. There are different types of intimacy, including physical, emotional, experiential and intellectual. Often people assume that intimacy is about a sexual […]

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limits and boundaries

Limits and Boundaries

In relationships, knowing your partner’s limits and boundaries is essential. If you don’t know what they are then you can’t observe them. Neither can you push them. In a D/s relationship this is even more important. Observing limits and boundaries is part of building trust in the other person. So is communicating around your own […]

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Journaling For Doms?

For subs? I guess that when the term journaling comes up in a D/s conversation most people would initially associate that with a submissive practice. That is perfectly understandable, as keeping a diary or journal to capture thoughts and feelings is widely used by a submissive partner to convene what is going on in their […]

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journaling

Journaling

As a pastime, journaling seems it seems to have undergone a surge in popularity in recent years, with people turning to journals as a response to a busy and over-committed life where they need to take time out for themselves to reconnect and organise the many demands. It can be a helpful way to de-clutter […]

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Wax Play- Naked Flame

For the purposes of full disclosure, I haven’t done a great deal of wax play, or I should say, we haven’t.  It’s not that we have a great aversion to it, it’s just that it’s never high on the priority list.  When have played with wax, it’s been fun and like most people we probably […]

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Respect

It takes a lot for me to respect you.  In someways, I almost have to feel you, like making a lasting impression that I can dip into for inspiration or direction.  There are only a few people that have done that to me, which in someways sounds derogatory to those people I really like, although […]

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Edge Play

There’s a certain comfortableness about edge play that draws me back to thinking about it; I guess that is part of the attraction.   I wasn’t convinced that anything we could do (legally) would really push any limits, I mean what could we do that did that?  First off, edge play is subjective, and a double […]

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Codependency and D/s

In psychological terms codependency refers to a relationship which is unhealthy. While, as an English teacher I want to say that the prefix co means jointly and dependent means needing the support of someone, we cannot get away from the fact that language has evolved to establish a meaning in more general terms. So for […]

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pain

Tell Me About … Pain

For the majority of people who are into BDSM, pain and pleasure seem to walk hand in hand. How you feel and the way that you experience each will vary greatly from person to person and will be dependent on a variety of other factors, but there is usually a close relationship between the two. […]

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rituals

Rituals: the why the how and the what

Why we have rituals For most D/s couples, rituals are quite an important part of what they do. Although they are often the small things, an action, a word, a deed, they can help to keep the right mindset for both of you. They do this by reinforcing the power exchange and essentially highlighting the […]

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collar n cuffs

Collar n cuffs

We are not 24/7 D/s so day collars have never been on the list and even if we were 24/7 I don’t know if I would have one anyway. We have been married for 25 years, Sir has never had a wedding ring and I rarely wear one. It just isn’t a priority for us. […]

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It’s all yours Sir

It’s all yours Sir

During day to day life we work in unison.  There is always a list of jobs to do as in every household.   We each have things that we are naturally better at and will work together to keep the list to a minimum. Our formal power exchange takes place, before play, in the bedroom so […]

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