My Favorite Implement

Hi! MisterMan here with a toy review for you for November. I couldn’t settle on just one, however. I have to divide this post into two parts: one for a punishment implement and one for fun. If Beth were a masochist or a spanko then the two implements could be the same, but she’s not, so you get a bonus implement review. Beth says you’re welcome. 😉

Favorite Implement For Punishment

Last year we came across the best paddle we’ve ever found. We had to do a lot of experimentation to find something that worked for Beth, and this combination may not be perfect for you, but the physics and simplicity make it a solid contender for any toybox. We got it at the Love Store in Las Vegas. It’s a slender paddle, barely a slapper really, but long and narrow and made of dense silicone giving it authoritative weight. The result is a precise, narrow impact area with a wicked wrap at the tip delivering an astonishing combination of both sting and thud. I tested it on my own arm in the store and got everybody’s attention by yelling “OW, MOTHERF–! …Ohhh, oww, we are SO buying this!” while dancing around on one foot. While I did, the sting on my arm actually got worse before it got better.

It is, for us, the perfect implement of ass destruction. It delivers maximum unpleasantness in a tightly focused area, and this tool goes from zero to agony with no warmup or warning. Just POW, instant regret wherever it falls. Two or three swats take her perfectly to the remorseful headspace I want her in for a correction. Only once have I ever delivered nonstop continuous blows with it, after she forgot to maintain her most important health regimen (taking medication that keeps her Multiple Sclerosis at bay) over a several day stretch. That was maybe nine months ago. She hasn’t forgotten since.

I forget the product name or part number, but that’s okay. Spanking implements vary by size and weight and preference. For us the magic combination was narrow and heavy. We found it through experimentation on Beth’s bottom and that means it won’t necessarily work for yours. So experiment! Get out there and find the thing that works the best for you.

Favorite Implement For Play

As for play, I’d like to do something a little unusual here. I know you’re all expecting me to haul out some great flogger or vibrator that sends Beth over the moon, but for kicks I’m going to tell you my favorite implement to have Beth use on me while she’s servicing me.

It’s a vibrating prostate massager. All right, I know a lot of couples aren’t into “gentleman’s anal”; of all the couples I know that are into anal, it’s always the female partner who receives deliveries at the rear. If this messes with your head feel free to stop now, it’s only going to get worse from here. 🙂 If you’re on the fence, however, you’re probably worried about poop being gross or about whether or not sticking things up your bum makes you gay. All I can say is they make soap for a reason, and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t. Especially if you’re into regular anal, where you’re already having sex in someone else’s bottom. There’s no magic “make you gay” button up in there. Honestly if there were, the world would be a much more interesting place.

There IS a magic button up in there, though! I’m not even kidding: the prostate is the male G-spot. Prostate orgasms are mind-blowing. I go all melty and experience much deeper ejaculatory contractions and jet a significantly greater amount of semen. If you’re not ready to try a finger up inside there, have your sub tease around the outside. You’ll quickly notice there’s a LOT of nerve endings back there. Nerve endings that your sub could be pleasuring. Work your way into it gently, pun intended. When you’re ready to try taking a finger, have your sub stroke your prostate from the inside. Trust me on this, it is so very worth it!

Once you get to the point where you’re ready to have a toy introduced back there, now it’s serious game time. The first time I had a vibrator turned on inside me I felt the entire world melt into a puddle of ecstacy. Seriously, my memory of the event are all fuzzy and glowy and blurry.

Okay, so enough for making the case. On to the actual toy review! It is here that our story take a sad turn: my current favorite massager is broken, and Amazon no longer stocks anything remotely similar. A pair of replacement candidates have just arrived, a knobbed wand for Beth to use on me and a sort of L-shaped device that can be slipped into place and then anchored around the cock and balls. (A strap-in, perhaps?) I have high hopes for them both but we haven’t had the chance to put them to the test. So again instead of giving you a specific product to try I merely just suggest exploring and keeping an open mind about maybe having an open backdoor policy.

Actually, I do have one specific product recommendation: if you’ve never had a toy back there, you’re going to need a little bit of anal training (just like your sub did). When you’re ready to move up from fingers, I highly recommend the Aneros Helix. It’s comfortably proportioned and designed to easily slip in and stay put. It doesn’t vibrate, but it does put gentle, persistent pressure on the prostate. The instructions recommend relaxing and meditating while it’s inserted, and letting the sensation build slowly. Several people have reported being able to achieve a hands-free, prostate-only orgasm just from lying in bed with it inserted. I’ve never achieved this, however, because within half an hour I can’t resist the arousal and end up having fantastic sex instead.

So… there you go. Two reviews for the price of one, and maybe neither one worth the price of free. Heh. Happy spanking and prostate spelunking!

Mystery Vibe cite the Crescendo as “The World’s Most Advanced Luxury Vibrator” and I would have to say that I think there is a lot of truth to that claim. It is one of the most versatile vibrators that I have ever seen. Everything about it is adaptable from the shape to the settings to the way you want to use it. We saw the Crescendo at Eroticon and I was immediately interested in it as a toy which could be used to stimulate my clit during other types of play.


From the packaging to the handy case for storing the Crescendo and its charging dock, Mystery Vibe have cut no corners. It is highly portable and would pass through airport security without even raising an eyebrow. The toy itself looks and feels luxurious and comes in a choice of colours – a cool turquoise blue and a seductive purple. The Crescendo is made of body safe silicone and is also waterproof. This means that it is ideal for use both internally and externally, or both at the same time for the thrill seekers amongst you.


The Crescendo is bendable, not just a bit flexible but actually properly bendy; it can be folded in half if you so wish. Ultimately this means that it is good for couples or good for people who enjoy feeling the vibrations in more than one place. The options for use are plentiful and it comes with some suggestions of different positions you might like to try. Because the Crescendo is bendable, it is body adapting, and this is another real plus for us. I have tried lots of toys designed to stimulate the clit and often the buzz ends up being in the wrong place so to have something which can mould to you, makes a lot of sense.


The Crescendo ticks the boxes as a state of the art technical toy and comes complete with a smart app and fully customizable patterns. For those of you who are creative you can add your own vibrations or you can download from the app. It took us oldies a little bit of time to work out how to charge and switch on but I think the fault there was more on our part than on the toy. Fully wireless, it sits neatly on a charging pad and I think we were looking for something a bit more Luddite, like a plug and socket rather than a flashing light.


Crescendo 1For a relatively discrete wireless vibrator the Crescendo has a lot of power. The six motors are spread along the toy and each can be controlled independently to create the right sort of feel for you. So not only can it bend to the shape of your body, be used in a way which hits the right spots, it can also be customised to have the right speed and intensity where and when you want it. How cool is that? Despite the power it is relatively quiet which is always a consideration when you live in a house which has ears in the walls like we do.


While versatility is the key with the Crescendo, we wanted something that would work for us as an easy clit stimulator while we HL’s hands were engaged in other types of play. To be able to do this while at the same time enjoying a good spanking or some anal play would mean heightened levels of arousal and pleasure. Other toys we had tried were either the wrong shape or didn’t allow the right level of buzz. The Crescendo worked much better for this as it was able to be moulded to the right shape and also was powerful enough to be used successfully for foreplay.


On the down-side, the Crescendo is not a cheap toy although as the one vibe that does it all, the £129.00 could be justified. We also found the controls to be a bit fiddly. It took some time to work out way through the various settings to find the basic vibration that we wanted and in some ways that part was too customisable for us. However, for others this would be an advantage so I don’t hold that against it. While it is powerful it is buzzier than something like a wand so for those who prefer more rumbly vibrations it might not work as well.


All in all I would recommend the Crescendo to those who want something flexible which can be used in a variety of ways and don’t mind about the cost. It may take a little time to find what works for you but it is well worth persevering with. Mystery Vibe market the Crescendo as “the world’s first truly unisex and universal vibrator. The ultimate in personalised pleasure – your shape, your pattern, your way.” This is true and the only real criticism I have is the fact that I prefer slightly stronger, more rumbly vibrations.

I posted this on my own blog in November 2016 so it is certainly not new. When I wrote the review on the Ruby Glow today I realised that I had never posted it here and thought it might be good for reference. For information we are still going strong with the Doxy and it is a well used and well loved part of our toy collection. We have since purchased the smaller Doxy which feels a little different so I think I will do a comparison soon for those who haven’t tried them.


I mentioned in my last post that we went to sexpo last year and that when we were there we bought ourselves a brilliant new wand. This has to be the single best toy that we have bought so far and although it was pretty pricey, it was worth every penny.  Prior to this we had a magic wand bought from Love Honey which was fine as long as no-one was within a 2 mile radius of our house.  Ok I exaggerate but, while it delivered pleasing sensations, the noise it produced as a result was something akin to a road drill, so certainly not something to use when the kids were at home.  


At the time, many of the submissives I knew were based in America and talked with great enthusiasm about their Hitachi wands, with their powerful high speed vibrations and a plethora of exciting attachments to purchase for them. I looked the Hitachi up online more than once but everything I read warned me that to use it the in the UK, even with a converter, would be a bad move.  They had a track record of catching on fire due to the voltage difference and, although I would say that Sir and I definitely have hot sex, I didn’t want to actually catch alight – especially down there!


When we first saw the doxy die-cast wand, it was HisLordship and not me who fell in love. It was presented more like something that you might find in the aisles of a high end hardware shop, rather than in Anne Summers, with its handy zip up storage case and the shiny metal body of a  must-have power tool.  As if it wasn’t sold before the man on the stall explained that it was “made from an aluminium and titanium alloy which is manufactured in a foundry using a high pressure injection cold chamber die casting machine and after casting, each Doxy Die Cast Wand body goes through a rigorous five stage polishing process which brings the high lustre finish to life.”


This is a Dom’s wand if ever I saw one!  We do not play in clubs or out with others, but if we did, Sir would be proud to carry it in and show it off. Not only does the Doxy look amazing but it is heavier than many wands which means that it is really powerful and also very quiet which for us has meant that we can use it whenever and wherever we like and this has revolutionised our play, although it can still be a struggle for me not to make a noise where this thing is concerned. The vibrations are so strong that even the lowest setting will get a real reaction and I would consider the higher ones to be pure punishment!  The heaviness means that I am not left feeling numb after use and Sir’s hand is not still buzzing long into the early hours which was also an issue with the lighter one that we had previously. The control buttons also light up with cool blue LED lights so you can see them in the dark too.


All in all, we love this wand.  It was a fair amount to shell out on a toy but we were not disappointed. We also bought another product from the company and when we had an issue they were very apologetic and replaced it without question.  So often these days we cannot buy British, and if we do we can feel that the technology is a bit clunky, but with the doxy die cast, I really feel that this is not the case.  A year on, with heavy use, and we are still enjoying the wand as much as the day we bought it. So for anyone out there who is looking to silently and seriously get their rocks off, this could be the one for you.

The Ruby Glow is a “dual-action vibrator and intimate massager.” According to Rocks Off who make the toy, when you try it “you will understand what makes it an exhilarating hands-free ride. It is a saddle-style, non-penetrative clitoral vibrator which can be used even when fully clothed. Shopping online, working from home, and reading erotica are re-imagined when riding the Ruby Glow.”


I first saw The Ruby Glow at Eroticon where is was showcased by the lovely Tabitha Rayne, author and artist, who designed it. I was struck not only by the uniqueness of the idea, but also by the way it looked and felt. We own a Rock Chic, also by Rocks Off, and despite this being quite old now it is still an active part of our toy box, so I made the assumption that the quality of the Ruby Glow would be the same. I was not disappointed.


The first thing worth noting about the Ruby Glow is the packaging. It is classy and understated which is really nice for a sex toy. I can see that it would appeal to the type of person who might not usually use sex toys or might be buying or trying for the first time. The vibrator itself is also lovely to look at. It is smooth and silky to the touch which makes it ideal for its clothes-on or clothes-off opportunities.


Because it is a sit on ride, the tagline is pleasure for the seated lady, it suits those who want to be hands free or are less mobile. This was a first for me as I usually lie down and hold a vibrator to my clit. What it did mean was that the whole area was stimulated, clitoris, vagina and also the public bone. Because people are all different shapes and sizes, there may be a difference in how it feels. For me it worked well and also tingled around my anus which was an added bonus.


Bearing down on it means that it is quite powerful for a battery toy and it is easy to rub against it with the parts that you want to stimulate. In addition there are a number of different speeds and pulse patterns for each of the two power buttons. These are easily accessed as they are right at the front but it took me a while to find one which suited. It was a case of pressing through them if you lost the one you wanted but I think this would be easier the more you used it.


As a simple girl, a straight buzz is what I like best but for those who are more adventurous, like variety or want to edge, there are loads of different combinations, meaning that you would likely find one that you enjoyed. It takes a while to get used to them and the two buttons work separately so where it provides versatility and flexibility, it is also quite complicated to get to know. However, exploring is always fun so I wouldn’t use that against it.


The Ruby Glow is made of body safe silicone which means it slides across your skin without too much drag. I did notice after use that it had picked up some dust which I was able to remove with toy cleaner. It is sold as splash proof rather than waterproof so I was careful when cleaning it especially around the battery area. Being able to be hands free meant that I could pinch my nipples at the same time which was an added advantage as with so many other vibrators I need my hands to stay where they are.


The Ruby Glow retails at £39.99 and I think that this is good value for the quality you are getting. It would suit someone who wants hands free external stimulation, those who want to remain seated and those who enjoy different vibration patterns. While it looks good, it is not the most discrete of toys. I also found it to be quite noisy and struggled to switch it off at times. However, overall the novelty of the Ruby Glow appeals to me and I think it would work well for those who enjoy stimulation while they are sitting.

Missy and I first came across this great product (not literally, but later) when attending Eroticon in 2018. The guys had rigged up a fantastic scaffold framed bed for playing and on it was a range of waterproof sheets. However, as we soon learnt, not any old waterproof sheet! They came in different colours and patterns and the demonstration was very impressive.
Our first reaction was to touch the sheets due to the appearance of softness about them. We were not disappointed because they felt fantastic! These are about as removed from rubber sheets as you could get. The feel was smooth and we were told they were breathable also to avoid hot bodies sticking to them. They gave off a clean smell and not that chemical one you get from anything commercially waterproof. They would make a sexy rain mac though!

One issue we all know when playing with liquids be it lube, wax, food or good old bodily fluids is that your mattress will take the brunt of it if not protected. If like us you have invested in a good night’s sleep, the last thing you want is to destroy the memory foam with spilt silicone lube. Likewise, when your mattress has died from hundreds of hours activities you don’t want to have to wrap it in black bin liners to hide from the neighbours when taking to the dump! The SOSF eliminates all of this first world worry.

The sheets come in various sizes and colours and can either be a flat sheet or fitted. Their range is continually growing so it’s worth checking out their web site. I can say that there isn’t anything I don’t like about them. They do the job so well and when you are finished just throw them in the washing machine. We have done this a few times now and they look as good as new. The sheets are not cheap, but then again neither is your mattress! They are worth every penny, not just because they protect what’s below; they look sexy, feel sexy and allow you to play with complete disregard for mess. You can just get on with fun!

You don’t have to be a squirter or spolsher to get the benefit from the SOSF range. They are made with everyone in mind who wants to do away with an old souvenir beach towel from Malaga on the bed or rolling around in front of the fire on a carpet that burns your knees. They are light weight but VERY strong and can take a lot of punishment to which we can contest!

The flat throw sheet, which we didn’t buy, would be great for taking away for a weekend to your parents or a friend’s house where some respect is required for their linen!  For us we went for the Black, King Size fitted sheet because I wanted something that didn’t move during play. The great thing is that your own body weight creates a natural dip and pools the fluid to the centre of the bed and not the spilling on the floor. If too much is created you can use the Malaga towel to mop it up!
I have recommended this product to a lot of people who have gone on to make an investment. It would make a great gift to the right couple!
So The Sheet Of San Francisco can now be found at a number of larger adult toys stores on-line or from their website
If you want to add something sexy to your bedroom that is both practical and versatile, the guys at SOF have it sewn up. Purchasing something from their range is money well spent in our opinion and to date I have not heard one bad thing said about them.  So splash out some cash for some splashing of your own making!