Headspace - Gem as puppy naked with a tailEveryone will be different as a headspace is very personal and individual. This is how it is for me and how it works in our dynamic. I am certainly no expert.

 

I think the most important part of finding an alternative headspace is initially thinking about the space you want to be in and talking about it with your partner. I think it has to be something you are comfortable with to a certain degree and something you can relate to. I say to a certain degree as sometimes it’s nice to push limits, when you feel ready. In the beginning a lot of things that use a headspace were hard limits for me.

 

I will use Petplay as an example. For me Puppy, my dog persona (very original name I know!) is something I can identify with. Dogs are on the most part loyal and loving. These are attributes I would say I possess so before even beginning play I am already partly in the right head because it’s just bits of me and my personality. Other parts of my personality are used as well, I’m very playful and cheeky so Puppy gives me the chance to explore these parts of me in ways that I wouldn’t/don’t in day to day life. Being a submissive means that I am to ultimately please my Master PurpleSole, so I can’t be cheeky all the time as it would grow old for him very quickly, which I don’t want. With Puppy I can be more playful and slightly defiant as it’s an expected part of the play. Puppy has toys and will occasionally play fetch, but only when she wants to. She usually prefers pushing a ball in her water bowl and dropping it in Master’s lap. When we began to explore Petplay I did a lot of research, which mostly came back with things that weren’t so relevant for us and our D/s dynamic. One thing that seemed to stand out though was there are no set rules, you can make it whatever you want. Be as immersed as you feel comfortable being.

 

Achieving the headspace can be done in so many different ways, or even a combination. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly as I find some headspaces are more fluid but others I require more preparation. Again, I will use Puppy as an example. PS and I will decide beforehand that we are going to do Petplay for an evening. So we have a set ritual of me getting ready by putting on various accessories including Puppy’s tail. Whilst I am preparing myself PS will get out items for play like toys, bowl, brush etc. He will also set the atmosphere by preparing the room, fire on (Puppy is mostly naked so susceptible to cold) and puts a blanket down (softens the floor a bit). Then I will kneel for PS and he will switch my day collar to Puppy’s collar. This for me is where my headspace completely changes, it’s PS voice starting the play.

 

I think, like with most play that talking and aftercare are extremely important. At the end of the day you are taking yourself away, or at least partly, and putting yourself in a different head which can be difficult to switch back from. It’s a complete shift that may have adverse effects, it did for me in the beginning. Talking about what happened and your feelings can help you to both gain further understanding and also enjoyment from the play. Talking will also help you both to understand each others expectations as to what you want to achieve and the direction you would like play to go in. Trusting each other I find very important, you need to be able to feel safe and comfortable while playing as this will help in enabling you to find the headspace and enjoy.

 

Of course I can’t leave it there, sex has to be mentioned! While doing my research I found that a lot of people tend to play in a non sexual way in their alternate head spaces. For PS and I this is what we intended from the beginning but with most things it developed pretty quickly into something sexual. How ever you want to play is fine. No this does not mean PS is into beastiality. I am a grown-up human still and still have all my grown-up human parts, just with a pretty swishy tail.

 

Related posts: Puppy Play

see also She Wolf

For more writing by me, please also check out my own blog at Purple’s Gem.

Biting - Primal PlayOdaxelagnia is identified as a sexual paraphilia or kink whereby one experiences sexual pleasure and arousal from biting and/or being bitten. Odaxelagnia is sometimes associated with sexual vampirism but, generally, most forms of sexual biting do not tend to draw blood for obvious infection risk reasons. Apparently, human saliva contains at least 50 species of bacteria, and medical research shows that human bites have higher rates of infection than any other injuries. Sexual biting tends to be one of the most accepted forms of sexual sadism and masochism as a more aggressive form of kissing, as it serves to shock the body’s pain responses at this primal level.

It may also be worthy to note, if anyone is interesting in further research, that sexual biting has it’s own separate section in the Kama Sutra (written by the Indian philosopher Mallanaga Vatsyayana in the 4th century). Eight kinds of bites are described in the chapter ‘On Biting, and the Means to be Employed with Regard to Women of Different Countries.’ These are;

  • the hidden bite
  • the swollen bite
  • the point
  • the line of points
  • the coral and the jewel
  • the line of jewels
  • the broken cloud
  • the biting of the boar

Cuiplash has always found great pleasure in biting me and I tend to react strongly and positively to being bitten. There is something incredibly animalistic about teeth indenting flesh, hard edges against soft curves, sharp points marking smooth skin. I find the excitement is in the risk of drawing blood, bruising and the fantasy of devouring and being devoured. I have always harboured my own vampire fetish so being bitten, particularly around and on my neck, taps directly into that particular ultimate submission. If you experience arousal from sexual pain the deep tissue bruising and sharp ache that occurs from a bite can be particularly pleasurable. Being bitten is also known to enhance existing arousal particularly if focused on and around the erogenous zones.

You can experiment with tolerance in sexual biting by using different pressures including tiny sharp nips, sensual nibbles and full jaw holds. Fleshy areas such as breasts, thighs, buttocks and hips can take a delicious deep bite pressure and allow for impressive indentations, whereas nips and nibbles on highly sensitive areas such as lips, neck, ears, nipples, clit and labia can be rapid routes to reducing your sub to a squirming squealing puddle of shudder.

Being bitten, particularly if held in a bite hold either during play or sex brings on a strong submissive mindset in me, akin to a kitten being scruffed, and particularly if applied to the nape of the neck. Biting in this sense can both calm and subdue.

Sexual biting as part of primal play has a lot of potential and is a powerful yet immediate and easy to apply sensation trigger that can be used to both settle and arouse, depending on the intention.

 

For more by writing by me, please check out my own blog at https://mycontrolledascent.com/

Thinking of Playing in Public - image by kisungura of Cuiplash dressed for playThe prospect of taking play outwith the privacy of one’s home and playing in public at an event can often polarise opinions. Sometimes the answer is a resounding no, others may feel curious and wonder how the experience would feel and sometimes the response is an enthusiastic yes, let’s try it! 

I think there are a number of important things to be mindful of regarding playing in public. One – you will know yourselves whether it is appropriate and desirable for your own dynamic, two – you should not feel pressured to ‘have’ to move to public play, and three – whether you choose to play in public or not, no matter how occasionally or frequently, it doesn’t diminish or enhance your D/s ‘standing’ any more or any less as a couple. It must be what works for you both and both must be in agreement if you do choose to take your play public. It is absolutely okay to write it off completely as an option if it is not right for you, or shelf it for later if it’s currently a consideration but the right opportunity hasn’t yet presented itself or if you are still building confidence.

Sometimes couples can be quite curious, harbouring fantasies of exposing or being exposed to others in a kinky setting but worried about what to do, expect, see or experience and I can imagine this is very common. I know that for Cuiplash and I the thought of public play was initially a no until we attended a local kink event and saw for ourselves how play spaces work and surprisingly found we were both exhilarated by the prospect of trying it. I think also that some concern can naturally arise from performance anxiety and the fear of potentially doing it ‘wrong’ in front of an audience, no matter what side of the slash you occupy. Whilst these fears are very valid I am glad to say that, for us, they were completely unfounded. 

I would suggest that if you are curious it’s an incredibly valuable experience to go along to an event together and get the feel for the place. The first time Cuiplash and I attended a kink event we did not play but the seed had definitely been planted and we were keen and prepared for the second time we went a number of months later. You can learn a great deal about how well play spaces are managed logistically just by watching the Dungeon Monitors and attendees. Get acquainted with the rules of the club/event as these are often posted around the location, as well as on their online event pages. They will tend to always cover time limits, types of play allowed and disallowed, the generic club safe word that will result in a Dungeon Monitor intervening, safety and cleaning of equipment at the very least.

We’ve found that during busy times DMs will allow 30 minutes on equipment to ensure enough time for a decent scene plus sufficient turn around for all those waiting to use the equipment in the play spaces. One trick we have utilised is simply to get into a space early, therefore allowing for a longer scene. This also helped us in the early days when it wasn’t so busy by building our confidence in scening in front of a smaller audience. It’s important to know how long you have and at least have an idea of what type of scene you’d like to do, what toys you will need and the space you require. I would also suggest, if you are new to playing in public, to stick with a well known firm favourite routine rather than choosing that time to try or introduce something new that may not go to plan. 

I would imagine most play areas are set up with sufficient space around them to prevent being caught by a swinging cane by accident however spacial awareness is a must. There are fundamental rules about not crossing into or through another scene space but unfortunately people are not always as aware as they should be and it would not be the first time that Cuiplash has narrowly missed accidentally striking someone with a flogger or dragon tail as they cut through our space.

Basic manners and public play etiquette are a given in terms of such things. As is not immediately dumping down your toy bag before another scene has fully finished, and the previous players have yet to tidy up, clean the equipment and provide any required aftercare. We’ve found DMs tend to be very good at keeping an eye on who is waiting and lined up to play on equipment next but it does no harm to alert them that you’d like to try something and they’ll let you know when you can proceed and will provide a gentle non intrusive reminder when your time is almost up. They are also very helpful in assisting with anything you are new to in terms of how to use equipment. 

Cuiplash and I do not get to play in public very often at all, but when we do we always try and make the most of it and we always get a lot out of it. The first time we played in public we were both very nervous, having never scened with an audience before, and also because this pushed our boundaries around exhibitionism and openly showing our D/s dynamic and our S&M to others. Stepping barefoot onto the St. Andrew’s Cross as Cuiplash secured my wrists with the heavy leather cuffs chained to the wood, my bare bottom exposed to the gathered crowd, was a delicious cocktail of humiliation laced with glee. I still remember shivering with anticipation of showing to a gathered crowd, for the first time, that I am his. That my submission belongs to him and that I honour him as my Dominant. It was a heady combination of adrenaline and pride.

I think taking things at your own pace is also very important and taking time out to reflect and decide how and when to move on is a must, both during and after the event. Whether you play once and are done, or a number of times at one event, be mindful of altered mind states including Dom/sub high, play frenzy, drop and physical effects, I’ve often felt very shivery after an intense impact scene and a sugary drink or something sweet to eat can help you enjoy the rest of the night better. We attended one event where they came around with home made tablet for players which was a wonderful touch!

We played a number of times our first night, gaining confidence and enthusiasm as we used the different spanking benches and returned to the cross, exploring the potential of the wonderful BDSM furniture that allowed us more freedom in positioning and space than we are afforded at home. We learned a lot by observing others, the toys and techniques used and it was interesting to watch how dynamics, scenes and aftercare were conducted by others. Some play spaces have a dedicated aftercare zone, or you can provide aftercare within the play spaces if required or move out to a more informal space to relax afterwards, depending on your needs. A lightweight warm blanket is another good thing to pack into your toy bag for some snuggly post scene aftercare.

I would say that despite having concerns about ‘performing’ to an audience and knowing we are being watched I find the space always narrows to a focal point of just us. Everything and everyone else expands outwards to the periphery of our awareness as we focus on the responses of each other. He has been tender and cruel, playful and serious, tolerant and uncompromising. I have had to ask out loud which implements of pain I want, admit I want more, and count for him. This definitely pushes pleasurable objectification and humiliation buttons for me, and he knows this. I’ve shown what my body can take, what gets us off and exactly how we do it.

Another thing to be mindful of is how your responses may differ playing in public than in private. We have found that I react quite differently to public play than private play. I am usually able to take more, I think this is because the exhibitionist in me wants to push myself harder, as does he. I want to please him, and to show that I am a good submissive and masochist to him to make him proud of me in that situation. There’s also something delicious about being fully dressed up to play, and knowing others are looking at us as we do. I slip easily into a giggly high subspace as we are playing, which amuses Cuiplash no end and makes for some fun scenes surrounded by the hypnotic beat of the music, friends, observers and the exciting and stimulating sights and sounds of fellow players. It is utterly immersive and incredibly freeing experience. 

 

To read more by Kisungura, please find her at My Controlled Ascent

As the focus for this week is spanking, we thought it would be good to get a bit of an insight into what some of us like about spanking, how we use it, and how it adds to our dynamic. Personally I have written a lot on my own blog about the topic and this is because we see it as being quite central to our relationship. In addition, I am a self-confessed spanko so really the more the better, however, the sound of your mum’s bum being struck repeatedly by your dad tends to raise suspicion so we have not been able to embrace as fully as we would have liked, the real pleasures of this past-time.

What we thought would be good would be to have a bit of a collaborative approach to this post, as what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another. As a result it has been co-authored by HisLordship, Purple Sole, littlegem, Mister Man and Beth. There are also links at the bottom of the page (pardon the pun) to other posts that we have written that will expand on what we are able to say here.

 

missy

I love being spanked. I enjoy humiliation play so part of it is the feeling of embarrassment and exposure as my bottom is presented and uncovered for HisLordship. We mostly engage in erotic spanking and being over his knee is my favourite position as I love the physical contact with him. It will send me into a submissive head-space pretty fast and I will drift off, becoming lost in the exquisite combination of pleasure and pain. That position also means that he has a hand free to play with me and he will mix it up, combining heavy strikes, pinches and even bites with a bit of attention to my clit and arsehole. Often by the end I am thoroughly relaxed and ‘able to take anything’, as he so tenderly says.

Spanking is also a really good reset for us. We have often used it if things have got off track a bit as it puts each of us firmly in our respective head-spaces. This sort of spanking is not erotic like the other type, but neither is it a punishment. It is a connector and usually goes along with a dialogue where he is resetting the terms and commitment to each other that we have both agreed to abide by  on a D/s level. It pulls us back in a physical sense, combining the emotional connection that we thrive on with something very physical and allowing us to put whatever has happened behind us (pun not intended this time) so that we can move forward together again, feeling good in our Dominance and submission.

 

HISLORDSHIP

Spanking for us is usually an activity done in the prone position, as opposed to standing up. With missy being shorter than me, spanking homoerectus can put a bit of a strain on the lower back. The other reason is that we both like to be real close. I get a lot from this on a personal level (see post below!).

Following best practice I do tend to start very lightly with the odd pinch and rub. The blood flow is important and it also gives us time to relax into it.  Pinching, rubbing and tapping all slowly builds the next phase of getting some sound from the skin.  I should say clitoral stimulation is also important for us so I will occasionally touch in that area before eventually bringing a wand into play.

By the time we have warmed up and I have a good rhythm going I will check in with missy to ensure she is okay to go further; she has never said no and that is my cue to turn up the vibrations and the impact.  The great thing about spanking is you can play around for as long as you wish, going back and forth until finally when I want an orgasm it’s never far away!

 

little gem

Spanking for us is usually used as a warm up to further impact play. It’s something we used to do daily like a maintenance, but decided to instead do a longer session once a week. It became quite intense to do more frequently as I enter into sub-space quite deeply.

I enjoy the mix of pain and pleasure that a spanking gives me, especially when it gets harder, the tingles it sends through my body. The feeling of PurpleSole’s hand against my warming bottom makes me feel connected to him and appreciate his Dominance.

 

PURPLE SOLE
I usually get Gem to stand against a door, maybe shackle her hands. I rub, nip and squeeze her skin before beginning the spanking, so it gets nice and rosy. I feel its important to keep a close physical connection so she can feel my body next to hers. I prefer the spanking to be more like a slap rather than a thud so use an upward motion, maybe I just like the way her bottom moves.

 

Beth

When I first started researching D/s I came across spanking. Erotic spankings didn’t interest me. Being corporally punished for breaking protocol, being in the wrong position, forgetting his title, etc., seemed to harsh; repetition and reminders would work better for me. But I did have a need for motivation with my household chores. I came across Domestic Discipline in my reading and thought that punishment spankings would a practical way to motivate me. Mr Man was very hesitant at first but we talked about it a lot and he reluctantly agreed. The first few times did not produce the remorse and strong desire in me to change, but we kept at it. We discovered that while he shouldn’t punish in anger, I did need to hear his displeasure and annoyance to get to the right head space of remorse and contrition. I’m not spanked often but when I am they are very effective. I really appreciate Mr Man’s willingness to help motivate me in this way.

 

Mister Man

We spank exclusively for correction, as neither of us enjoy them. (We’re actually a bit jealous of couples who are able to spank for fun.) They’ve never been more than a necessary evil, but they’ve never been less than necessary, so we’ve had to explore and embrace the various techniques and mindsets to find what would work for us.

Spanking is always done OTK with Beth completely naked. The vulnerable position and state of undress, outside of an erotic context, helps set the stage for the right mindset of making Beth feel meek and receptive to correction. Once in position, we always start at the other end, meaning we stop and have a lecture so I can get into her head and further cement the distinction between her actions and my expectations. Honestly we never get to this point without the lecture pretty well having already been sorted, so I always start with “Why are we here?” and Beth explains back to me her understanding of what went wrong and what needed correction.

Once in place, the swats begin. I use a silicone paddle that delivers an astonishing sting all at once with no warmup time. (Caveat: most couples are strongly encouraged to warm up before a punishment spanking, both to increase sensitivity and decrease the risk of bruising. We have found that warmups have the exact opposite effect on Beth; they decrease sensitivity and increase bruising! So out they went. This is very much a thing we had to discover for ourselves and I do not recommend embracing this without your own experimentation.) The actual spanking probably lasts no more than twenty to thirty seconds, but those swats inflict a level of pain that goes very deep into “consensual nonconsent” territory.

Afterwards, I move us both up onto the bed and I hold her while she cries. I praise her for submitting to correction and for taking her spanking well. She’s never happy to receive a spanking, but she never fails to thank me for being willing to provide her this level of intense negative reinforcement. We don’t enjoy spanking, but we enjoy the results, so they remain a part of our D/s.

 

Thank you so much to Mister Man and Beth, and Purple Sole and littlegem for contributing to this post.

 

submissy – spanking uncovered
submissy – spanking orgasms
submissy – hand spanking
submissy – a public spanking

HisLordship – spanking
HisLordship – Bumber Command

Mister Man – The other kind of quickie
Mister Man – Empathy and Pain Tolerance

sex toys - picture of a weird sex toySo you want to buy a sex toy?  Well, like a princess, you will probably have to kiss a few frogs before finding the right one for you.  The right sex toys for you are about as individual as your finger prints.  The problem is, many of the toys are made for mass production and can be so generic that the consumer ends up disappointed. I can say from experience that I have thrown away more toys than kept.  My biggest error was buying too many.  There are only so many hands and holes!
So, how does one find the right toy for you?  I suppose the answer could lay in the following questions:

  1. What do you want it to do?
  2. What should it be made of?
  3. Do you have any allergies? (plastics, silicon etc.)
  4. How much can you afford?

There are of course many other questions you need to ask yourself in narrowing down the right toys for you, however, these are your opening ones.

What do you want it to do?  That may seem an obvious question, and yet, despite knowing what you want, how do you know if it can meet your needs?

What should it be made of? This is a personal and practical question. You may love the feel of glass, steel or smooth coated plastic. It is what feels the best to you and is made of safe materials.

Do you have allergies?  Some cheaper toys are made of toxic waste. Okay I exaggerate somewhat, however, there are some mass producers that use low grade materials in plastic, rubber and silicone.  If you use one, allergies or not, there is a possibility you will have a negative reaction.  Synthetic rubber can sweat the chemicals it is made from. Would you poor crude oil over your vagina or penis? Mmmmm, I thought not!

4. How much can you afford?  With sex toys you often get what you pay for, although I would say that applies more to the lower end of the market. Cheap usually equals low quality and yet expensive can buy you something so fantastically clever it’s a waste of time!

 

Fortunately there is help, and lots of it.  The sex industry has a wealth of knowledge with independent reputable sex toy  reviewers. These folks are not tied to the main sites and will give a fair review based on a wide range of criteria. Emmeline Peaches and Candy Snatch have reviewed thousands of toys over the years and are a safe pair of hands.  Please use these resources as we can vouch for them in providing a balanced opinion and being nice people!

Good luck, take your time and enjoy the ride!

 

 

 

Role Play allows you to be someone else or within an environment you might otherwise not be. It can be exciting seeing yourself and your partner in a different way. It’s also a good excuse to put on the clothes in your wardrobe that you never thought you’d wear again.
What if I can’t act?
Roleplay can feel daunting. You don’t need to be a thespian actor, just open to trying new things. It feels weird to begin with and that’s fine. You may laugh or break character but that doesn’t matter. As time goes by it becomes more natural.
What role play should we do?
That’s completely up to you. Discuss with your partner the types of play you might be interested in. You may be surprised what you may come up with. They can be as simple or complex as you want, it doesn’t matter.
Since having that conversation in our dynamic I will now choose the roleplay. Giving instructions in good time. I like to give a bit of back story to get an understanding of roles we are playing. This is also useful during play, I feel more comfortable as a character when I have more than enough information.
So how do I prepare? 
Roleplay is best when you know you have enough time to yourselves. You don’t want to feel rushed.
Depending on the type of play you’re doing. Here are my general tips.
How does the play start and end? You don’t want awkward looks when you don’t know if you’ve finished or not. This could be:
– A changing of collars as decided by the Dom.
– Entering/Leaving the defined boundaries of play.
– An action (particularly useful if the sub can’t talk, for whatever reason)
– If you feel uncomfortable or its getting too intense there is always a safeword.
Think about your environment. Depending on the type of play you’ve chosen create an atmosphere that adds to play. This could be the way the room is lit (candles/coloured lights etc). If the room is dark make sure you aren’t going to trip into something. There also are apps on your phone that may help. I’ve used a strobe light app to create a nightclub atmosphere. There are also background music apps, taking you to a busy restaurant, an abandoned basement or a seedy strip club.
Would the scene be improved with props? These could be bought or made. They don’t need to be professional. Anything that you feel may add to the scene helps you get into the right headspace.
After play is finished, discuss what elements you enjoyed and what could be improved.
Finally it’s important to have fun. The only limit is your own imagination.

I think most people agree that there is a fine line between Fear and Excitement.  Somewhere in our makeup, chemicals produce the emotions we feel and without digging too deep into an anatomy class I am sure there is only an X or a Y between Excitement and Fear. So, what make this type of response during play so addictive?

Like most creatures on this planet we have a built-in fight or flight response, however, humans seem to have harnessed a way of replicating it and enjoying.  A good example would be a rollercoaster, which I know is not for everyone, but then again neither is flogging or anal sex!  I will use the rollercoaster as my test bed because there are a lot of similarities to some of the risky play you or I may get up to.

Skipping the lengthy queue to get on the ride, let’s jump in to the car, get comfortable and pull down the safety bar.  I see this very much akin to telling your sub you are going to start playing, in fact skipping the queue probably was a lost opportunity to become more excited about the ride that awaits! It never to early to build anticipation, just look at advertising campaigns with their continual and consistent messages.

So, there we are building up the anticipation to the scene. You may have hinted what was to come, carefully positioned some toys that will be seen just to boost the interest. One of my favourites is to leave an ‘extreme’ toy out to be seen, even though I have no intention of using it.  That could be the jolt of the coaster car as it starts to move off just before the very long climb to the top of ride.  It is slow, calculated and offers a view of some small portions of the track ahead. That climb is the tension you create with your sub either by restraining them, teasing them, stripping them or simply talking to them to reassure they are safe and the rules you have agreed upon.  Is it all a mixture of Fear and Excitement.  Fight or flight creates butterflies in the stomach and if the ride looks really scary, that weight in the pit of your stomach weighs heavy.

Finally, we reach the top and we make one last check the safety bar is locked (we all do it).  This is the point of no return and no matter what you do, you have made a commitment to hand control to your Dom – carefully disguised as a rollercoaster car!  That point of no return is when you know you have full consent of your sub, that they have been teased sufficiently to give off signals that the next stage can take place and you tip over the edge in to both Fear and Excitement!

We will assume that every up, down, twist and turn are all part of your play.  Breath taking and aching from whatever your Dom has decided to expose you to.  Just when you think it is all over you are told that is still another long drop coming and the chemicals flow faster. Changing direction from left to right and travelling up and down does not distract your sub from their enjoyment because you are always moving forward. Sometimes slow, other times fast, but always forward. Your commitment is consistent and always taking things further.

Finally, the car shoots back into the station with a jolt and with tears in your eyes, gasping from breath and full of nervous energy you stumble from the car.  Will legs shaking you look back over your shoulder. People are saying, ‘never again,’ you, however, are screaming, ‘Again, again again!!’

 

Needle play is something that often falls under the category of Edge Play, meaning that it comes at the edges of what many would view as safe and in indeed sane. This, of course, is subjective but it is a kink that can carry risks and therefore requires some good research before attempting to try it. What we share here is based on our own experience and should be read with that caveat.

 

There are loads of sites out there with information about needle play but we think this one looks pretty thorough and could make a good start to finding out the basics. Talking to others who do have experience is always valuable and you can learn from them as well as benefit from hearing about their mistakes, so never undervalue that opportunity if it presents itself. We were lucky in that respect and it really gave us the confidence that we needed to give it a try. 

 

Having done your research, you need to make sure that you have the right equipment before you start. You will need some medical grade needles, alcohol wipes, surgical gloves and a dressing should you need to apply pressure to a wound area. You also need a Sharps Bin to dispose of used needles in a safe way. We purchased a taster kit from Med Fet supplies which had a selection of needles and all of the other things that you need.

 

The starter kit worked well for us as it wasn’t something which we knew if we were going to love it not. It cost £7.50 which wasn’t too big of an outlay to begin with but gave us what we needed to try it out and keep safe. We were playing at home where the lighting was good and we were able to dispose of any waste properly and keep the area clean, but clearly that would be a consideration for some.

 

We are also in a married relationship where we are fluid bonded and monogamous so the issue of unknown blood borne viruses was not there in the same way it might be for some. There is obviously a risk of infection in any area where you are piecing the skin but, again, we were aware of that and it was a consideration in preparing for needle play as well as in terms of the aftercare provided. Essentially we used the gloves and wipes provided.

 

We had researched the areas of the body which are recommended for needle play and the article linked above shows those best for beginners. We chose the back and tried it first as a test rather than a full blown scene.  This is something we would recommend for new types of play and the method has served us well for a variety of forms of play, allowing us to communicate well about how we are both feeling.  I think where any form of edge play is concerned it is essential that you communicate fully and have a really good understanding of where each partner is coming from.

 

The advantages of needle play are as with many forms of play in that you can use the natural endorphins produced as part of the body’s pain response process to reach a state where you achieve a natural high.  We also found it was a huge emotional connector due to the risk and the high levels of trust required from both sides. In essence, we both experienced a high from what was happening.

 

I think that this sort of play would lend itself to any medical type scene. It could also form a positive part of sensory play, as well as being a thrilling experience for those looking to push or challenge their limits with something which many would consider a ‘no’ due to the risks involved. For us it was a ‘yes’ and is something that we do plan to keep exploring.  To read more of a personal account about our first attempt with needle play please see this post on submissy.

 

 

 


Our theme this week is warming up and cooling down so I wanted to focus on how this works within a D/s play relationship. These thoughts are based on my own experience so should be taken as suggestions only, as different things will work for different people. However, in my opinion, just like with exercise, a warm up or build up to a scene will really add to the experience, as will having some sort of cool down or aftercare.

During exercise, a warm up gradually revs up your cardiovascular system by raising your body temperature and increasing blood flow to your muscles. Warming up may also help reduce muscle soreness and lessen your risk of injury. Similarly within a scene, building up or providing some sort of notice of what you plan to do will aid a submissive with being in the right mindset and allow the physical responses to come more easily. It will also enhance the emotional connection between you and allow an increase in trust.

Creating a sense of anticipation is also really important as it can keep the sub feeling aroused and expectant. At the same time they may be nervous and excited which will mean that they are thinking about what is going to happen. This will not only arouse them but also heighten the senses so that when play begins, they are highly attuned and responsive. Being prepared mentally will also mean that they are less likely to have an issue with negative triggers.

A build up can take a variety of forms and within play, couples will reveal more or less information depending on what works for them. It may be that the sub is given some instructions about how to prepare for the scene including things such as grooming in a particular way, choosing implements or toys, arranging props or selecting various items of clothing. The build up can start days before the scene, or it may be that it is left until much closer, but having some sort of warm up will really help.

Another thing that can work really well is making sure that the submissive waits in a certain position before play begins. This could be kneeling or something more vulnerable but it will allow them to focus their mind and think about what is going to happen. Inspections are another tool that can be used to make sure that the submissive is feeling vulnerable and also to allow the Dominant to set the dynamic for themselves as well as for their sub. A reminder of safewords and protocols will be another way of not just checking in, but also of reinforcing what is about to happen.

In exercise terms, cooling down after your workout allows for a gradual recovery of pre-exercise heart rate and blood pressure. Again, with play, this is a crucial part which, if missed out, can make things really difficult for both the top and for the bottom. During a scene the submissive may go quite deeply into their submissive space, as well as experiencing the effects of the chemical changes which take place in the brain, particularly if play is intense.

The rush of adrenaline and endorphins can send the submissive on a real high, so there can be a genuine chemical ‘come down’ to follow. Aside from that the submissive will likely have felt emotionally vulnerable at various point. The heightened trust in the Dominant will create an intense connection between the two and may lead to a feeling of neediness or dependency. This is something which can be a really positive part of play, provided the aftercare provided it is effective.

Aftercare may involve using soft blankets to make the submissive feel safe and warm as they come down from subspace. Having drinking water to hand is always a must and some people might like to have something special to eat, such as chocolate.  Close physical contact to the Dominant is probably the most important thing as this will reinforce the feeling of safety and the strong emotional connection. Part of aftercare may include talking through some of the play that took place and the emotions and feelings which go with it.

If a cool down doesn’t take place after exercise it can lead to sore or pulled muscles later on and in the same way, if aftercare is not given, it can lead to a feeling of being tired, physically unwell and emotionally upset both for the submissive and sometimes for the Dominant. These posts on sub drop and Dom drop deal with these feelings in more detail.  As long as aftercare is given, the aftereffects of an intense period of play will hopefully be minimised. As with anything, being aware of what can happen will always make it easier not only to prevent, but also to deal with if it does occur.

The sort of adrenaline high experienced during a BDSM scene has been compared before to the type of elation that people can feel after extreme exercise, such as participation in a marathon. While we are not going to be in training in the same way, some preparation will really help, as will some good aftercare following play.  The effects can be both physical as well as emotional so being ready mentally is really important as it will help you to have the best possible experience.

Scene it done it

The first proper scene the we did when we started D/s was a forced orgasm scene and it remains one of the easiest ways for me to reach subspace. To get to that point would probably be between 4 and 6 separate orgasms but with rolling ones in between.

* * * * * * * * * *

It begins with my being instructed to have my bath and then come into the bedroom when I am ready. I can hear the music drifting through and I hear HisLordship moving around and getting things ready. When I come into the room he is dressed in an open shirt and he looks hot. I feel a wave of anticipation wash over me.  He waits while I hang up my robe so that I am naked in front of him and he looks at me. I feel my skin start to heat and he calls me over to him. He sits on the edge of the bed, takes my hands and pulls me into him. He breathes me in and kisses my body lightly as he lets out a breath and says, “God you are beautiful.”

 

He has set up the play bench and he tells me to lie on it. He then proceeds to secure me so that there is really no way I can move.  He instructs me to pull on each bond so that he knows they are tight enough and as each is fixed I can feel the tension rising within me. He puts a blindfold over my eyes and then plays with me a little, using some sensations to relax me and allow me to drift further into a submissive headspace. He teases with gentle tweaks and pulls on my nipples and I can feel what I think is the tip of a glass dildo which he rests on my clit as he touches me with a lubed finger.

 

I am aching for him and it sits like a deep weight all around my sex. He tells me how swollen I am and I feel like I might explode. The glass is frustrating as it is so light against me and I try to push into it but it moves with me and I hear him laugh. I can feel him reach away and then the sound of the wand coming to life. He uses the wand to edge me for quite a while but tells me that I mustn’t come. My focus is on fighting back the climax but he makes it harder by dipping a finger deep inside me.  I become more tormented as he adds a second finger and then changes to play with my arsehole.

 

I am moaning and groaning and he tells me that I am so easy. He pushes harder against my hole and tells me to relax as he increases the speed on the wand. I tell him that I have to come and he says no and slows it all down again. I exhale with a sigh as if the pressure is off but as soon as I feel I am starting to float with the motion, he builds it back up again. I beg him to let me come and he finally agrees, asking if I understood that once I start he will make me come again and again and that there will be no release from this.  My mind fights itself but I have lost control and I shout yes – that is fine – just let me come.

 

As the orgasm tears through me I move somewhere else and ride the waves that it brings me. All too soon I am aware of the intense buzz where it should not be and I wriggle to free myself from it.  I fight against my bonds but he has me fastened so securely with his ropes and cuffs that there is nothing I can do to escape.  He reduces the pressure of the wand a little in order to let me gather myself a bit and then he ups things again.  I can feel myself giving into it and tapping into something deep inside me. There is a part which is tuned into the rumble rather than the buzz and he draws this out as I push down onto the sensation rather than pushing up into it as he forces another orgasm from me.

 

This continues and he builds me up again and again, each time taking me a bit deeper.  I feel both desensitised and hypersensitive all at the same time. My body is reacting and responding but my mind can’t process it and I consciously detach from the thinking part of my brain and just melt into the sensation. It is as if I am freeing my mind from my body and giving it up. It is like I am being pulled out of myself and am drifting  further away from my reality with every orgasm he takes, but still he keeps going. I have no idea how many times I come but just when I think I can take no more, he seems to stop momentarily and I think that is it. I am throbbing with the heat and the need and hear him say that he thinks I have at least one more in me.

 

I don’t know how he knows where I am at, but there must be signs and he reads them. I doubt that I can come again but soon I feel it building up once more. It seems impossible; it seems too much. The sensation is overwhelming, confusing, and I can’t process it, can’t work out if it is pleasure or pain or if I am here or not. He holds me on the edge then brings me up again and this time as I come I can feel myself let go, not in a control way but in a basic existence kind of a way.  My body slumps, I go limp, and I feel that I am no longer part of it. I can hear the wand still rumbling away but I can’t feel it anymore. I can hear his voice talking to me but can’t work out what he is saying and I drift, almost delirious, in that place where there is no time.

* * * * * * * * * *

Most of our scenes are sexual and so often we will end with him fucking me although depending how I am, he may move straight to aftercare. If I have been in subspace like this and haven’t been allowed to touch him then that physical connection with him will overwhelm me; it will prolong the ecstatic state that I am in so it is something that he will usually build in, although I am aware that he is very careful as he knows that I will find communication difficult. The aftercare will always come at the end of a scene and will usually involve me falling asleep on him for a while.

 

Other ‘Scene it, Done it’ posts on submissy:
Hotel Scene
Sensory Scene
Schoolgirl Scene