(Author’s Note: Another story written by request for a friend. It’s about a monkey, and family. My apologies to snakes for the type casting. – Dean)
(Author’s Note: Another story written by request for a friend. It’s about a monkey, and family. My apologies to snakes for the type casting. – Dean)
(Author’s Note: This story is the fourth in a series of stories that feature princesses, twisted fairy tales, and an interrupting co-narrator. For ease, I’ve numbered them in the title. While they really don’t have to be read in a specific order, there are sometimes references to previous stories. I hope you enjoy. – Dean)
Once upon a time…
You don’t like once upon at time?
“Once upon a time is great. It’s just my turn.”
“To tell you a story.”
You are going to tell me a story? What story are you going to tell?
The one I was going to tell?
“Yep. Who’s it about?”
“Got it. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who lived in a tall tower…”
Why did you stop?
“You’re supposed to interrupt.”
“That’s the way it works. When you tell the story, I interrupt. So, you have to interrupt me.”
“So, I have time to think of what happens next. That’s how you do it.”
Not really. But, you seem to have interrupted yourself.
“Yeah. So, um, what happens next?”
You’re telling the story. You tell me.
“But, I don’t know the story.”
Make something up.
“You really aren’t helping. What’s the name of this story?”
Never Tangle With a Gorgon Princess.
“What’s a gorgon again?”
Greek myth. Snakes for hair. Turns men to stone by looking at them.
Yes. She was one of three gorgon sisters.
“I see the problem here.”
There’s a problem?
“Yep. The title doesn’t work.”
“You have to explain what a gorgon is when you should just say Medusa. So, the title is now ‘Never Tangle With a Medusa Princess.’”
Fine. It’s your story. You can name it what you want.
“That was too easy. You’re up to something.”
Why would you think that?
“I just know. Anyway, you can continue.”
Continue with what?
I thought you were telling it.
“Nope. Your turn. I did the hard part and set it up for you. You know. Once upon a time. Beautiful princess. Tower. Even fixed the title for you. And you are welcome for that.”
Thank you. But you said you would tell me the story.
“What do I know about medusas?”
“See? Think you just made my point.”
Alright. I will tell the story.
Once upon a time in a distant land, unless it was nearby, there lived three beautiful princesses in a single tall tower on a small rocky island.
“Three? And, how are they princesses?”
She has two sisters. And, everyone is a princess in these stories.
Okay. Not the Prince.
I’m not in this story…. What are you looking at?
Cute. The princesses were all beautiful except for their hair which was made up of snakes.
“Snakes are beautiful.”
Not everybody thinks that.
“Doesn’t mean they aren’t.”
The princesses were all beautiful and their hair was made up of snakes. Medusa’s hair was special as it was made up of many different kinds of snakes while her sisters each had only one.
“Not a king snake.”
“Her hair couldn’t have a king snake because it eats other snakes and then she would be bald.”
She would still have the king snake.
“Nope. Without the other snakes to eat, it would starve to death and fall out. Bald.”
No king snake.
Medusa thought she was more beautiful than her sisters and told them so all the time. She made them serve her. Her snakes would bite theirs if they didn’t do what she said. She spent most of the time staring into mirrors and feeding her hair.
One night, while Medusa was sleeping, her sisters carried her up to a room in the top of the tower and locked her in. They hired an old woman to look after her, took the only boat, and left the island.
“Good for them. She was mean.”
They locked her up.
“Did they leave her a mirror? And food for the snakes?”
“Then, she’s fine.”
Not really. She liked to go for walks.
“You never said that so it doesn’t count.”
After her sisters left the island, Medusa felt very lonely and regretted the way she treated them. The old woman would never speak to her. Medusa spent the whole of every day in a little room in the top of a tower just looking in a mirror and feeding her snakes. She was really bored.
One day, a prince arrived on the island.
“Here we go, dead prince time.”
I don’t always kill the prince.
“Yes, you do. This one is about to die too.”
The prince walked up to the tower expecting to find his beautiful princess. However, a storm had blown his ship off-course and he was expecting to be at that other tower with that other beautiful princess. He shouts up at the window at the top of the tower.
Medusa hears this prince outside the tower yelling at her to let down her hair. She panics a bit. Not really knowing what she should to do, she grabs one of the snakes, pulls it from her head, and throws it out the window. The snake hits the prince in the face. They are both very surprised and the snake bites him.
The snake was one of the poisonous ones. The prince died.
“Told you. Dead prince.”
About that time, the legends started of a beautiful princess locked in a tower on a rocky island. She was under a curse that turned her hair to snakes and could only be cured by True Love’s Kiss. Getting turned to stone was never mentioned.
“Can the kiss do that?”
Nope. Because, she isn’t cursed. It’s who she is.
So, prince after prince comes to the island seeking to rescue and kiss her. Medusa learned from the first prince not to pull out the snakes…
“If she keeps pulling them out, bald.”
That too. But, bald is still beautiful. She would miss her snakes, though.
Instead, she would look out her window as they looked up at her and…
“They turned to stone.”
Every one of them.
“You go through a lot of princes. There can’t be many left.”
I have an unlimited supply.
After years of prince after prince turning to stone at the base of the tower, a small ship arrives at the rocky island and Princess Awe Some steps ashore.
“Wait. Awe Some? Finally! If you turn her to stone, I am never letting you tell me another story.”
“Well, I will. But, I will be very mad at you.”
Then, I won’t turn her to stone.
“Or, have her bit by a poisonous snake.”
I won’t have her bit.
“No stone prince falling on her and crushing her to death.”
I hadn’t thought of that one.
“No killing Princess Awe Some. Promise.”
I promise. No killing her.
Double pinky swear.
“Yay. What happens next?”
The Princess Awe Some walks to the tower. She doesn’t pay attention to the stone princes or the skeleton of the snake-bit prince. She doesn’t even look up at the window at the top of the tower. Instead, she goes up to the door and knocks. The old woman opens the door and points Some to the stairs.
“She doesn’t say anything?”
Nope. She actually can’t speak. She wasn’t being mean.
“Did the sisters cut out her tongue?”
Now who’s being dark? She was born that way.
Some walked up stair after stair until she reached the room at the top. She politely knocked before unlocking the door. She slowly opened the now unlocked door and there was Medusa looking directly at her.
“Nooooo. You promised. Pinky swear and everything.”
Some understood something that most people didn’t. Medusa’s gaze turned MEN to stone.
“Some’s not a man.”
It was a long voyage, Medusa was beautiful, and Some had been waiting to kiss another Princess a very long time. Some moved quickly across the room with nothing but kissing on her mind.
Medusa, realizing what was about to happen, grabbed all the snakes with both hands and pulled them back. Some reached Medusa, took the snake-haired beauty into her arms and kissed her.
“Whoa. True Love’s Kiss.”
More lust than love. They just met. But the tower shook and all the stone princes crumbled.
“The kiss did that?”
The area is prone to earthquakes and there happened to be a tremor at that moment. Some and Medusa made their way over to the bed while still kissing.
“Right. Move along, folks. Nothing to see here. You’ll tell me later.”
“Yeah. I’m not at work.”
“That means yes.”
Some covered Medusa with a hooded cloak and led her from the tower. They got on Some’s ship and sailed away in each other’s arms.
“Into the sunset?”
The sun was setting, but they sailed the other way.
“Did they get a happily ever after?”
It wasn’t long before Medusa met a gargoyle she really liked and was already made of stone and her and Some parted ways. Some was okay with that as Medusa still spent a lot of time in front of mirrors and the snakes could be annoying. Some went on a search for another princess.
“I think I can sleep after that one. What’s next?”
“But not tonight.”
(Author’s Note: A friend asked for a story with a talking tree and a dog that meows. If you have read The Perfect Gumdrop, you will have seen a cameo appearance by characters in this story. – Dean)
(Author’s Note: This story is the third in a series of stories that feature princesses, twisted fairy tales, and an interrupting co-narrator. For ease, I’ve numbered them in the title. While they really don’t have to be read in a specific order, there are sometimes references to previous stories. I hope you enjoy. – Dean)
Once upon a time in a small village beside a great forest, there lived a young girl. On her eighteenth birthday, she was given a hooded cloak the color of dried blood.
“Why did you stop?”
You haven’t interrupted.
“Why are you feeling my forehead? I’m not sick. I was listening. Isn’t that the point?”
Oh. Then, I will continue.
“Wait. Since we already stopped, I have questions.”
Of course you do.
“I could have just listened, you know. Anyway, you didn’t say she was a beautiful princess.”
She is beautiful, just thought you might be tired of me saying everyone is beautiful.
“Everyone is beautiful. You can still say it.”
Good point. She isn’t a princess though.
Her parents aren’t a king and queen.
“So. I bet her daddy calls her princess.”
What if she doesn’t have one?
“She doesn’t need a daddy to call her princess to be one. It’s just nice when he does.”
Once upon a time in a small village beside a great forest, there lived a beautiful princess. On her eighteenth birthday, she was given a hooded cloak the color of dried blood. The giving of the cloak is a family tradition always given for the eighteenth birthday and is to be worn during the next full moon.
“What’s her name?”
“Really? Thought you were a writer or something. The best you can do is Red?”
What would you suggest?
That’s just a shade of red.
“But, it sounds better than Red.”
Scarlet was excited when she was given her cloak. That night was the first night of the full moon and she was to go to her grandmother’s house deep in the woods before nightfall. She took water, a satchel of food, and her knife and headed into the forest.
“She has a knife?”
“She’s a werewolf?”
“A werewolf that needs a knife?”
It’s still day and it’s her eighteenth birthday, so she hasn’t changed yet and you are getting ahead in the story.
“Does Scarlet know she’s a werewolf?”
I don’t know yet.
I make this up as I go.
“You don’t know what’s going to happen?”
I have an idea.
“Then, how do you know I am getting ahead in the story if you don’t know the story either?”
Because I haven’t gotten there yet.
“That shouldn’t make sense. What’s next?”
Scarlet is walking through the forest when she comes across a man walking alone.
“Prince Charming? I thought there was supposed to be a wolf.”
Technically, Scarlet is the wolf in the story. And, I never said he was a prince.
“Is he going to die?”
Do you want him to?
“If he is going to die, then he has to be the Prince. It’s a pattern.”
Scarlet is walking through the forest when she comes across a prince walking alone.
“Now, it’s getting good. She’s going to eat him.”
I didn’t say that.
“Just wait. And, when will Princess Awe Some show up.”
She’s not in this story.
“Again? Why not?”
She has nothing against werewolves. Her favorite cousin is one.
“How did that happen?”
Prom night. Full moon. Hairy date.
“I want to hear that story. It’s like Teen Wolf meets Carrie.”
Not quite. Let’s finish this story first.
“I’ve been listening.”
The Prince goes into full charming mode, even showing Scarlet his jeweled long sword.
“Ewww. SFW please.”
It’s a sword. Really. The Prince claims he knows the forest well and that there is a faster path to her grandmother’s house. He leads her off the main path deeper into the woods. The Prince does everything he can to slow Scarlet down so he can spend more time with her. They even stop for a meal and Scarlet shares her food and water with him. It is getting later and later in the day.
The Prince runs out of delaying tactics and they arrive at grandmother’s house just as the full moon rises. Scarlet’s grandmother is waiting and congratulates Scarlet for bringing her first kill with her. The Princes turns just as Scarlet grabs his hand and cuts it with her knife. She brings his hand to her mouth and licks his blood.
“Whoaaa. You even used the knife. Don’t stop now.”
The taste of the Prince’s blood triggered Scarlet’s transformation and she turned into a wolf. The Prince, thinking himself charming and not very brave, fainted.
Be nice. He’s about to be eaten. Some people don’t handle that very well.
After their meal, Scarlet and her grandmother run through the great forest, playfully chasing rabbits and deer until they come upon a clearing lit by the moon. There, they meet with other wolves and Scarlet is welcomed into the pack. She gives the pack back the hooded cloak, it’s color now brightened with the blood of the Prince.
“What happened to the woodsman that kills the wolf?”
Grandmother ate him years ago.
“So…. not sleeping again.”
Okay, I’ll stay.
“This is the part where you tell me what’s next but it won’t be tonight.”
Is it? I think there will be a gorgon.
“Really? I’m ready.”
“I knew you would say that.”
(Author’s Note: Many of my stories are requested by friends. This was as well. There were no specifics. She just wanted a story. – Dean)
Deep in the deepest of deep woods, in a snug little cottage, there lived Big Bear and his Little Cub. They were very happy. They played games all day and snuggled all night. One day, Big Bear had to go on a long trip and Little Cub was terribly sad. She was terrified that something would happen to Big Bear and he wouldn’t come back. She didn’t want to stay in their house in the deep woods without her Big Bear. She cried so hard when Big Bear said goodbye that she thought she could drown in her own tears. So, when Big Bear put on his thickest of thick fur, Little Cub quietly climbed onto his back. Big Bear felt like there was something behind him. He looked over his left shoulder and nothing was there. He looked over his right shoulder and nothing was there. He turned around to look behind him, but there was still nothing there.
Big Bear knew it was time to leave. He looked for his Little Cub to wave goodbye but she was nowhere to be seen. He slowly waved anyway. With lowered head and a heavy heart, Big Bear began his long journey. Little Cub quietly held on to his back. Big Bear walked through the deepest of the deep woods and Little Cub held on. Big Bear crossed the fastest of fast rivers and Little Cub held on. Big Bear trudged through the coldest of cold snows and Little Cub held on. Big Bear climbed the tallest of tall cliffs and Little Cub held on. No matter what Big Bear did or where Big Bear went, Little Cub held on. Every night before sleep, Big Bear, with tears in his eyes, would look up at the moon and stars and say goodnight to his Little Cub. And every night, Little Cub would whisper from Big Bear’s back goodnight to her Big Bear.
Eventually, Big Bear finished all the mysterious things that big bears do and it was time to go home. He went back down the tallest of tall cliffs, through the coldest of cold snows, recrossed the fastest of fast rivers, walked once more through the deepest of deep woods and returned to the snug little cottage they called home. And through it all, Little Cub held on.
When Big Bear walked in, he called out to his Little Cub. At long last, Little Cub stopped holding on and let go. She slid to the floor, a very exhausted Little Cub. Big Bear smiled at his brave little one and picked her up. He lovingly bathed her and put her to bed. She opened her tired eyes and told her Big Bear goodnight. With tears of happiness, Big Bear told his Little Cub goodnight and settled in beside her. That night, Big Bear and his Little Cub snuggled in their snug little cottage in the deepest of deep woods.
(Author’s Note: This story came about in a unique way. I was in chat on another site and chat was a bit slow at the moment although there were 20+ people there. A friend asked for a story. So, I typed this story one line at a time with no idea if it was even going anywhere. – Dean)
Long ago in a faraway kingdom, there lived a fierce and formidable dragon. It was considered to be the most terrible dragon in the entire history of time. The king of the small kingdom in which the dragon lived did not want this terrible dragon living there. People fled the kingdom and they never got tourists. So, the king sent heralds far and wide to find some brave adventurers to rid him of the fierce and formidable dragon.
(Author’s Note: This story is the second in a series of stories that feature princesses, twisted fairy tales, and an interrupting co-narrator. For ease, I’ve numbered them in the title. While they really don’t have to be read in a specific order, there are sometimes references to previous stories. I hope you enjoy. – Dean)
Once upon a time in a kingdom far away…
“Why is it always far away?”
“Once upon a time in a kingdom FAR away. Why not someplace near?”
It’s a fairy tale. It just usually is.
“If you live there, it’s not far away.”
“I know, right? Here’s another one. Why is it always a kingdom? There are queens.”
It’s a patriarchy thing.
“You said there would be dwarves. This is Snow White? And, you are going to change it?”
Yes and yes.
“Then, change it. Duh.”
Any other editorial observations?
“I think I’m good.” Continue reading “Never Bite a Vampire Princess (Little Bedtime Stories #2)”
(Author’s Note: This story is the first in a series of stories that feature princesses, twisted fairy tales, and an interrupting co-narrator. For ease, I’ve numbered them in the title. While they really don’t have to be read in a specific order, there are sometimes references to previous stories. I hope you enjoy. – Dean)
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess.
“Wait. I thought this story was about a zombie princess. Zombies aren’t beautiful.”
She isn’t a zombie yet. This is the beginning of the story. So, she is a beautiful princess.
“Not all princesses are beautiful. Just because Disney likes to draw them that way.”
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess. She knew that she was beautiful in her heart and therefore as beautiful on the outside as she was inside. She didn’t need anyone else to validate her beauty. How’s that?
“Fine. I guess.”
One day, on her eighteenth birthday…
“Is this Sleeping Beauty?”
Not exactly. There are zombies.
“It is Sleeping Beauty. Plagiarist. Besides, she’s supposed to be sixteen.”
No minors allowed. Those are the rules. She is eighteen. Do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?
“Yes. I’ll be quiet. You’re still a plagiarist.”