Inspiration for a posts come from many sources, however, it is always good to read another person’s experiences in which you find reflections of your own life.

WildWestAngel wrote that there are often times when her submission seems to be slipping away from her.  The skills required to excel in her day job embrace her personality and it makes it harder for her to be the sub she desires to be.  As a result, her Dom sees less of her outward submission and in turn, he too loses focus. Continue reading “She’s Smarter Than the Average Bear!”

img_3238The power exchange that takes place in our D/s relationship is a key part of what keeps our dynamic alive, but it is not something which is easy to explain. I imagine that those in similar relationships can understand the significant part it plays, but for those who aren’t, or who are just starting out, I wanted to try to convey how it works. All relationships work in a circular sort of motion with the actions of one person feeding the thoughts, feelings and behaviour of the other.This behaviour then impacts on the other person in the same way and on and on it goes. In this way a relationship can end up in a downward spiral where the negative behaviour of one party evokes a similar reaction in the other, or it could be that the positive behaviour of one triggers a positive response in return. This is the way the power exchange works in D/s, with the submission of one feeding the Dominance of the other, and vice versa. Continue reading “The Power Exchange”

Communication has been the key in helping us to build and maintain our D/s dynamic. For us, the foundations are love, trust, respect, honesty and open communication, but really we have found that the communication is the glue that holds the rest together. When we stop communicating well, or openly, the other elements seem to be affected. In addition, if something challenges one of the other foundations, it is only through truly open communication that we can resolve it. As a couple we had always talked a lot and there were no topics really off limits so we could just have said that we were fine in that area. However, the formality of a D/s dynamic meant that there had to be some changes. Continue reading “Communication and D/s”

Trust is vital in any relationship.  It is one of the cornerstones and without it the relationship will soon start to crumble.  In a relationship based on Domination and submission, trust is equally important, but unlike many other relationships, it is tested on an everyday basis, for only within an environment of complete trust, are you able to let go and explore your innermost dreams and desires and those of your partner.  Only when you trust your partner implicitly can you stop focussing on your own needs and concentrate on theirs, knowing that they have your back. Only when trust is an integral part of your relationship can you really lay yourself bare and be truly honest, and the two go hand in hand. Continue reading “Trust”

 

 

Since we started the SWC I have had the pleasure of reading the hopes, dreams and exasperations of both subs and Doms.  One recurring theme is the sometimes disparity between a couples’ starting point into D/s and the speed at which they move forward.

It is pretty safe to say that the first one over the start line will have an advantage, and will probably maintain that lead for a while. Not unlike a race involving cars, it is usually the bends that slow the momentum, where mistakes are made and those behind catch up.  A new D/s relationship is very similar.  It is usually the first bend in the track that will cause things to slow, and this could be a chnace for both partners to evaluate what is going on and catch up. Continue reading “Starting Out”

You can’t have a rainbow without a little rain and we all know that D/s is one big and beautiful rainbow. It is magical, it is beautiful and there is always that little crock of gold waiting there at the end of it. The excitement, the passion, the intimacy, the closeness, the kink; it’s all there when things are good and we are consumed by how amazing and how wonderful it truly is. But the rain can be hard. It can challenge us and we can struggle to see our way back to the brilliance and colour. Things become a little grey and we stare out of the window with longing, wondering where it is and how to find it. We all experience bumps and hurdles in our D/s. It might be that something challenging has come along for one or both of us. Maybe we have had an argument. Or perhaps things have just slipped a little and are starting to feel a bit vanilla. Continue reading “Navigating Bumps: Communication and getting back on track”

When I started researching D/s I joined another online community and despite my normal introversion I jumped right into the chat discussions. I was determined that is what I wanted and I devoured all available advice. Immediately I was heavily pressured to see that my husband join as well. I did get him to sign up but I felt overlooked when he did not actively participate.

While I had some minimal experience with socializing online, he did not and had no interest in doing so. We had several fights over my pushing and insisting that he get involved. Not submissive at all but seemed to be excused in the group forum. It was as if our future with a D/s relationship hung solely on his willingness to get online. Continue reading “What If He Won’t Join In”