THE FOLLOWING POST IS NOT AN ADVERTISEMENT TO PROMOTE BREATH PLAY. THE ACTIVITY CAN BE DANGEROUS AND POTENTIALLY FATAL. THE INFORMATION BELOW IS OPEN SOURCE MATERIAL AND IS NOT DESIGNED AS AN INSTRUCTIONAL – THE SAFEWORD/S CLUB ACCEPTS NO LIABILITY FOR THE ACTIONS OF INDIVIDUALS WHO PARTICIPATE IN HIGH RISK BASED SEXUAL PLAY.    

Breath play is controlling someone’s breath; their ability to breathe. This can be done by the 3 S’s: strangulation, suffocation and smothering. It can be done alone or with a partner(s). It is not recommended that you do this type of play alone since auto-erotic asphyxiation (choking oneself) is high risk and it is one of the most popular ways in which people die in sexual activities. Continue reading “Hypoxphilia (Breath Play)”

There are times when I need to be broken by him, taken apart and ripped wide open. There are times when he needs to break me, take me apart and rip me open. The deepest and deliciously darkest of these times are those where our dual needs smash into each other, meeting each other on a collision course towards raw intimacy and vulnerability.

 

Through extensive and challenging therapy, months and years here and there picking apart the bones of the shitstorm that was my childhood and the life long effects, it appears what I live with is Complex PTSD, something I’ve touched upon in other writings. Each month along slinks PMDD, a brutal duo that hulk out and go to town on me. I’ve recently discovered there is a recognised comorbidity between the two which piques my interest and certainly explains a lot, if I didn’t have to deal with the combined feels they bring. Continue reading “Holding Space”

It was very early on in our D/s, through my reading and chatting with others I was discovering more of myself and found I had a desire to call him Daddy.  It just seemed to fit so much nicer than Sir.  I started calling him Daddy in my head but I could not say it out loud. The thought of telling him scared me more than telling him I wanted D/s. I was really afraid it would weird him out.

 

I consulted with another little that was a “leader” elsewhere and I was advised Not to tell him. She suggested that it would be much better to just focus on the D/s dynamic for a while before bringing up the Dd/lg. I knew that just wasn’t right and I’m glad I followed my instinct rather than her advice. Continue reading “How I told my husband I wanted a Daddy”

When we first started out, HisLordship and I looked over a limits list together.  It is really important in a D/s relationship that you are aware of what each other’s limits are.  The open communication you have together mean that it is usually not a difficult thing to discuss and it can actually be a great way of working through any embarrassment that you may have. We actually had a lot of fun doing it and it was also quite hot to be talking and thinking about all of the things that we might one day do together. 

Tomorrow is World Metal Health day so I wanted to take a minute just to raise awareness for that.  At work we are wearing a ‘touch of yellow’ in order to highlight this as there are growing numbers of young people in schools who are managing with mental health issues.  Since joining the wonderful world of Domination and submission I have made loads of amazing friends but I have been surprised by the numbers of those who are managing, or who have managed, mental health issues of some sort. Clearly I do not believe that there is a link between D/s and mental health issues, quite the opposite in fact.  In reality a large number of the people who I have spoken to actually feel that the D/s has helped them to manage their difficulties in a positive way. Continue reading “Hello Yellow”

Inspiration for a posts come from many sources, however, it is always good to read another person’s experiences in which you find reflections of your own life.

WildWestAngel wrote that there are often times when her submission seems to be slipping away from her.  The skills required to excel in her day job embrace her personality and it makes it harder for her to be the sub she desires to be.  As a result, her Dom sees less of her outward submission and in turn, he too loses focus. Continue reading “She’s Smarter Than the Average Bear!”

img_3238The power exchange that takes place in our D/s relationship is a key part of what keeps our dynamic alive, but it is not something which is easy to explain. I imagine that those in similar relationships can understand the significant part it plays, but for those who aren’t, or who are just starting out, I wanted to try to convey how it works. All relationships work in a circular sort of motion with the actions of one person feeding the thoughts, feelings and behaviour of the other.This behaviour then impacts on the other person in the same way and on and on it goes. In this way a relationship can end up in a downward spiral where the negative behaviour of one party evokes a similar reaction in the other, or it could be that the positive behaviour of one triggers a positive response in return. This is the way the power exchange works in D/s, with the submission of one feeding the Dominance of the other, and vice versa. Continue reading “The Power Exchange”

Communication has been the key in helping us to build and maintain our D/s dynamic. For us, the foundations are love, trust, respect, honesty and open communication, but really we have found that the communication is the glue that holds the rest together. When we stop communicating well, or openly, the other elements seem to be affected. In addition, if something challenges one of the other foundations, it is only through truly open communication that we can resolve it. As a couple we had always talked a lot and there were no topics really off limits so we could just have said that we were fine in that area. However, the formality of a D/s dynamic meant that there had to be some changes. Continue reading “Communication and D/s”

Having experienced a few bumps, humps and black holes during our relationship, Missy and I have never lost sight of who we are. I admit that we worried quite a lot early on when things got in the way and we were not being the ‘perfect’ Dominant or submissive, or so we were led to believe.

We are not alone with regard to such dilemmas and I understand that, however, I do feel compassion for others who beat themselves up when they cannot behave as they would like to because of life’s obstacles.  This may go against the grain for some people, and your kink is your kink as it is said, however, your D/s dynamic is only a part of who you are. For some it is a strong foundation that without it their relationship would fall apart, some it is the glue that makes life much better and for others it is the icing on the cake that occasionally they stick their finger into!  If you took D/s away from your relationship would you no longer be together in that instant?  I would argue that the answer is no, as these things take time to work out; and things such as illness, bereavement, family issues and all manner of challenges should only be a small hump in the road and not a sink hole.

Before taking a person over an obstacle course, the safest way is to walk the entire length of the course and demonstrate the best and safest way to tackle each one. There should even an opportunity to try each one out before running at it full speed.  I see D/s a bit like that in terms of managing things that could get in way.  For us, a major hurdle was having my parents stay a few months into our D/s journey. My Dad wanted to be in charge of the family and to keep the peace I allowed that. Missy commented afterwards that she didn’t like having two Doms, particularly when the other one is her Father-in-Law!  We soon learnt that when new things faced us, we would discuss what negative issues could affect us. Regular things like illness we take in our stride; we have no high expectations of each other when ill. You feel like crap, want to get better and to be cared for.  There is no play involved, no damaged egos and certainly no self-flagellation because you feel like you are not being the perfect partner.

So for us it’s important to have expectations and yet we accept that life is not perfect and neither, are we!

Trust is vital in any relationship.  It is one of the cornerstones and without it the relationship will soon start to crumble.  In a relationship based on Domination and submission, trust is equally important, but unlike many other relationships, it is tested on an everyday basis, for only within an environment of complete trust, are you able to let go and explore your innermost dreams and desires and those of your partner.  Only when you trust your partner implicitly can you stop focussing on your own needs and concentrate on theirs, knowing that they have your back. Only when trust is an integral part of your relationship can you really lay yourself bare and be truly honest, and the two go hand in hand. Continue reading “Trust”