Having experienced a few bumps, humps and black holes during our relationship, Missy and I have never lost sight of who we are. I admit that we worried quite a lot early on when things got in the way and we were not being the ‘perfect’ Dominant or submissive, or so we were led to believe. 

We are not alone with regard to such dilemmas I understand that, however, I do feel compassion for others who beat themselves up when they cannot behave as they would like to because of life’s obstacles.  This may go against the grain for some people, and your kink is your kink as it is said, however, your D/s dynamic is only a part of who you are. For some it is a strong foundation that without it their relationship would fall apart, some it is the glue that makes life much better and for others it is the icing on the cake that occasionally they stick their finger into!  If you took D/s away from your relationship would you no longer be together in that instant?  I would arguing that the answer is no, as these things take time to work out; and things such illness, bereavement, family issues and all manner of challenges should only be a small hump in the road and not a sink hole.

Before taking a person over an obstacle course, the safest way is to walk the entire length of course and demonstrate the best and safest way to tackle each one. There should even an opportunity to try each one out before running at it full speed.  I see D/s a bit like that in terms of managing things that could get in way.  For us, a major was having my parents stay a few months into our D/s journey. My Dad wanted to be in charge of the family and to keep the peace I allowed that. Missy commented afterwards that she didn’t like having two Doms, particularly when the other one is her Father-in-Law!  We soon learnt that when new things faced us, we would discuss what negative issues could affect us. Regular things like illness we take in our stride; we have no high expectations of each other when ill. You feel like crap, want to get better and be cared for.  There is no play involved, no damaged egos and certainly no self-flagellation because you feel like you are not being the perfect partner.

So for us it’s important to have expectations and yet we accept that life is not perfect and neither, are we!

 

Trust is vital in any relationship.  It is one of the cornerstones and without it the relationship will soon start to crumble.  In a relationship based on Domination and submission, trust is equally important, but unlike many other relationships, it is tested on an everyday basis, for only within an environment of complete trust, are you able to let go and explore your innermost dreams and desires and those of your partner.  Only when you trust your partner implicitly can you stop focussing on your own needs and concentrate on theirs, knowing that they have your back. Only when trust is an integral part of your relationship can you really lay yourself bare and be truly honest, and the two go hand in hand. Continue reading “Trust”

The OPEN DOM AND SUB CHATS this week will take place on SUNDAY and THURSDAY from 7pm as usual. 

  

On TUESDAY the topic for our focused TOPIC CHAT will be IMPACT TOYS & TECHNIQUES Pt3.

Following on from our previous chat on impact play, we have made some additional swinging space to look at the toys themselves and the techniques you use. How do you make your toys come life as a Dom and what happens at the receiving end for the sub? This week we will focus Crop and Canes – from 8pm-9pm in THE DUNGEON. 

 

On WEDNESDAY we will also have a Dom & sub chat on Bondage & Restraint Pt2 which will take place in THE DUNGEON at 8pm-9pm EDT.  

The topics covered will be self bondage, metal bondage, cuffs and posture collars.  

 

The topic for the WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD will be:

Toys – Safe Storage and Hygiene  – Helpful Tips and Warnings!

Please join us in the forum and add your thoughts.

According to the internet, a community is a place where people come together to share a common interest.   That I suppose, could be the problem with D/s for new people; they search for some hidden meaning or secret handshake.  I too waited for some bolt of lightening that would make me understand what I was supposed to be doing.  In fact, it is actually far more simple, for being in a D/s relationship is about being more aware of others and how your actions effect them.  I appreciate each dynamic is very different, however, being part of a community does help. I was once accused by another Dom of looking for validation as if it was a dirty word.  I would say that a small part of being in a community is getting some form of validation. How many places can you go and ask about someone’s new job and in the next breath enquire if their new butt plug was a success? Continue reading “Community”

In a recent chat event on the SWC many subs were interested to hear about Dom Drop, what that felt like for a Dom and what caused it.  I was asked to write something on the subject, so here goes!

Before I touch on my own personal experience, I decided to do a little research on what the rest of the internet thought on the subject, and I was a little bit surprised.  I watched 5 videos giving a view and read 5 random articles, all of which were very different in their interpretation. It should be noted that 17 of the samples were written or presented by subs! Continue reading “Dom Drop”

Dominants will be referred to as male and submissives referred to as female in this post because that’s easiest for me to write about.

Tickle torture which is also called knismolagnia or titillagnia or knismophilia. Tickle torture is where the Dom tickles the sub to reinforce his dominance and her submission or to punish the sub. It causes the sub to lose control of herself and provides a continuous sensation compared to other types of play. The Chinese used tickling as a form of torture to get information from soldiers from other lands. Continue reading “Tickle Torture”

 

 

Since we started the SWC I have had the pleasure of reading the hopes, dreams and exasperations of both subs and Doms.  One recurring theme is the sometimes disparity between a couples’ starting point into D/s and the speed at which they move forward.

It is pretty safe to say that the first one over the start line will have an advantage, and will probably maintain that lead for a while. Not unlike a race involving cars, it is usually the bends that slow the momentum, where mistakes are made and those behind catch up.  A new D/s relationship is very similar.  It is usually the first bend in the track that will cause things to slow, and this could be a chnace for both partners to evaluate what is going on and catch up. Continue reading “Starting Out”

What is a cuckold?

A cuckold is man who finds pleasure in seeing his wife (or partner) having sex with other men, this can be a form of emotional/mental masochism for the cuckold. Therefore, cuckolding is when the cuckold and his partner engage in a session in which his partner is being fucked by other men and he watches. For this kind of kink to work, they must be some sort of commitment between the cuckold and his partner but not necessarily marriage. The cuckold is aware that the session is going to happen and helps arrange it, which can be a turn on for them to put an ad out asking for men to fuck his partner while he watches and may even include a few pics of his partner so the interested men could know exactly what they are getting themselves into…literally! Continue reading “Cuckolding”

The OPEN DOM AND SUB CHATS this week will take place on SUNDAY and THURSDAY from 7pm as usual. 

  

On TUESDAY the topic for our focussed TOPIC CHAT will be IMPACT TOYS & TECHNIQUES.

Following on from our previous chat on impact play, we have made some additional swinging space to look at the toys themselves and the techniques you use. How do you make your toys come life as a Dom and what happens at the receiving end for the sub? This week we will focus floggers and whips – from 8pm-9pm in THE DUNGEON. 

 

On WEDNESDAY we will also have another LITTLE PARTY which will take place in THE SNUG at 8pm-9.30pm EDT. 

As usual we will start with a little bit of little discussion and this week the topic is THINGS YOU LIKE TO DO IN LITTLE SPACE. The theme for the party this time will be WILLY WONKA.

 

The topic for the WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD will be:

What are your favourite pervertables?

Please join us in the forum and add your thoughts.