Basic Things You Should Know About Fisting

Basic Things You Should Know About Fisting

What are the basic things to know about fisting?

Apply common sense

I would say apply common sense, however, that is a sliding scale for most people! Let’s get one thing out the way before we start, fisting is not pushing one’s entire fist into a vagina or rectum. For the purposes of disclosure, I have never fisted a rectum and will therefore stick with vaginas going forward.  For one thing, the person’s closed hand could be big and for another the other person orifice may be too small for such a thing to happen. We are all built differently, and porn fisting is entertainment, not reality.  To get to the stage you see on screen takes a lot of time and a lot of attempts where the receiver cannot do it, so don’t try to be Mr.Studly-Goodfuck and expect a quick and easy entrance!

I don’t know if fisting could be classed as an extreme sport in the BDSM world, as anything can be classed as extreme depending on your own kinks and limits. I would say though that on a scale of 1 through to 5, if one finger was classed as one and five (if you include the thumb as a finger) was classed as a five, then fisting is one the upper scale.  That is not to say one person’s limit could be two fingers and therefore that would be their five!  Anyway, enough of numbers, let’s look at what fisting is all about.

Communicate

Both visually and physically fisting can look a bit scary, and I would not disagree with anyone who felt that, however, in terms of forming a close connection with someone, fisting requires a great deal of communication, trust and time.  Do not be thinking that a well lubed hand is all you require for the experience to be pleasurable.  Fisting, in the most basic of terms is the act of fitting as many fingers (and thumb) into a vagina as is erotically comfortable. I say erotically comfortable as quite often being uncomfortable creates erotic feelings!  I have fisted my partner and therefore will base this on my experiences and a number of educational videos I have seen, which in the most part do not compare equally to my own experience as you will see.

Warm up

Fisting, unlike revenge, is not a dish served cold. In fact, you really want you partner to be the zone where they are very turned on by any method you know that works.  I would say being relaxed is a good term to use as basically a tight vagina is not going to respond well and therefore you want a brain that relaxed and in tune with you. You know your partner, so I will leave that to you.

I always use latex style gloves to prevent any rough skin, nicks in fingernails and hairy hands to cause cuts or friction. I need an aerodynamic hand that will work well with a lubricant.  I always use a water-based version, my preference, and lots of it. My partner likes the feel of warm lube; Not one that has been stored under the bathroom sink next to an external wall for two weeks in January. If anything will close someone’s legs and mindset is a splat of iced jelly whopped between their thighs!  Plan ahead, put the lube on the radiator or next to a heating vent way in advance. You partner’s body is going to be way warmer than room temperature, but don’t panic last minute and use the microwave, just think ahead.

Take your time

Communicating before hand is also key. Make sure they know you are going to take things further than normal.  Start slow, do the things you know they like with their mind and vagina. Keep things to one finger and when you increase that by one, tell them before hand, even complement them on taking two fingers.  Kiss them, work them up, and don’t remove your fingers.  Test to see if they can take a third, if not stick with two and try again in a while. There is no rush.  Exercise your fingers by spreading them apart saving you from cramp, and slowly stretch their current environment.  When you manage three fingers, do the same.  Keep going, building things up. Have them touch your genitals, maybe suck them whilst you continue to gently stretch them. If you are on your knees next to them with your fingers inside and your palm uppermost, apply pressure downwards towards the anus and stretch that way to. Now go for 4 fingers, again if that is not comfortable, stay with three and keep the connection going. All the while you are taking one step forward and two back.

Remember, skin does stretch, but only so far!  Do not under any circumstances force anything that the body doesn’t take willingly.

Take a Rest

I’ll step away from the action for a moment as I am sure what you want to do is get very physical. You’re turned on, she is turned on and that urge to fuck her face is as strong as you wanting to  push with your hand.  Now is a good time to rest your hand in a comfortable position. You could leave it there or remove it to add more lube high up the glove.  Just take stock of where you are and what she is experiencing.  Sometime ago she could not take 2 fingers, now you have 4, things have moved on!  Check in with her as see how she is doing.

Position

Once you’re back in the game and both happy to continue there needs to be a change of position and shape of your hand.  I find lying along side her better for me as she has access to my cock which gives me a good idea as to how she is feeling by the strength of her passion and also, I can now see what I am doing!

Hand Shape

You may have heard of the ‘Swan Head’ as being the best shape for your hand for fisting.  If you’re unfamiliar with the term take your fingers and thumb and pretend you are impersonating a duck (or swan) bill for a shadow puppet. Curl the flats of your fingers around your thumb trying to keep your knuckles as low profile as possible. The theory is that will fit nicely into a vagina; I did say theory, didn’t it?

It Doesn’t Go All The Way

 I have big hands and I can assure you my whole hand is never going to fit into my partners vagina now matter how much lube and relaxation is provided.  That is not to say it wouldn’t for someone else, as I have said before, we are all made differently.  The thing is, your hand doesn’t have to go all the way, in fact it doesn’t have to go any further than you can both manage; First knuckle depth still counts!  The point is that you are pushing the norms and usual tolerances regarding vaginal play. that is to say, your norms and tolerances, not anyone else’s.

What Next?

What you do next is entirely up to you.  Have fun with it, provide comment on what you can see, how you feel about your sub doing this for you or what you want to do next. The floor is yours as they say.  Just remember to communicate continually and give your sub the space to communicate with you.  Be mindful that you are working a set of muscles beyond what they are used to and therefore keeping a check on her welfare is important.

Fisting is not an everyday event and as such the muscles will resume their normal strength, so don’t assume the next time you try it will be easier. Every event will be different, so take your time, use lube, use communication, and enjoy!

Click here for more posts about Play, Scenes and Kink.

You might also enjoy The Hows and Whys of Fisting and Four Fingers and Beyond, over on submissy.

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