Needle play is something that often falls under the category of Edge Play, meaning that it comes at the edges of what many would view as safe and in indeed sane. This, of course, is subjective but it is a kink that can carry risks and therefore requires some good research before attempting to try it. What we share here is based on our own experience and should be read with that caveat.

 

There are loads of sites out there with information about needle play but we think this one looks pretty thorough and could make a good start to finding out the basics. Talking to others who do have experience is always valuable and you can learn from them as well as benefit from hearing about their mistakes, so never undervalue that opportunity if it presents itself. We were lucky in that respect and it really gave us the confidence that we needed to give it a try. 

 

Having done your research, you need to make sure that you have the right equipment before you start. You will need some medical grade needles, alcohol wipes, surgical gloves and a dressing should you need to apply pressure to a wound area. You also need a Sharps Bin to dispose of used needles in a safe way. We purchased a taster kit from Med Fet supplies which had a selection of needles and all of the other things that you need.

 

The starter kit worked well for us as it wasn’t something which we knew if we were going to love it not. It cost £7.50 which wasn’t too big of an outlay to begin with but gave us what we needed to try it out and keep safe. We were playing at home where the lighting was good and we were able to dispose of any waste properly and keep the area clean, but clearly that would be a consideration for some.

 

We are also in a married relationship where we are fluid bonded and monogamous so the issue of unknown blood borne viruses was not there in the same way it might be for some. There is obviously a risk of infection in any area where you are piecing the skin but, again, we were aware of that and it was a consideration in preparing for needle play as well as in terms of the aftercare provided. Essentially we used the gloves and wipes provided.

 

We had researched the areas of the body which are recommended for needle play and the article linked above shows those best for beginners. We chose the back and tried it first as a test rather than a full blown scene.  This is something we would recommend for new types of play and the method has served us well for a variety of forms of play, allowing us to communicate well about how we are both feeling.  I think where any form of edge play is concerned it is essential that you communicate fully and have a really good understanding of where each partner is coming from.

 

The advantages of needle play are as with many forms of play in that you can use the natural endorphins produced as part of the body’s pain response process to reach a state where you achieve a natural high.  We also found it was a huge emotional connector due to the risk and the high levels of trust required from both sides. In essence, we both experienced a high from what was happening.

 

I think that this sort of play would lend itself to any medical type scene. It could also form a positive part of sensory play, as well as being a thrilling experience for those looking to push or challenge their limits with something which many would consider a ‘no’ due to the risks involved. For us it was a ‘yes’ and is something that we do plan to keep exploring.  To read more of a personal account about our first attempt with needle play please see this post on submissy.

 

 

 

Mystery Vibe cite the Crescendo as “The World’s Most Advanced Luxury Vibrator” and I would have to say that I think there is a lot of truth to that claim. It is one of the most versatile vibrators that I have ever seen. Everything about it is adaptable from the shape to the settings to the way you want to use it. We saw the Crescendo at Eroticon and I was immediately interested in it as a toy which could be used to stimulate my clit during other types of play.

 

From the packaging to the handy case for storing the Crescendo and its charging dock, Mystery Vibe have cut no corners. It is highly portable and would pass through airport security without even raising an eyebrow. The toy itself looks and feels luxurious and comes in a choice of colours – a cool turquoise blue and a seductive purple. The Crescendo is made of body safe silicone and is also waterproof. This means that it is ideal for use both internally and externally, or both at the same time for the thrill seekers amongst you.

 

The Crescendo is bendable, not just a bit flexible but actually properly bendy; it can be folded in half if you so wish. Ultimately this means that it is good for couples or good for people who enjoy feeling the vibrations in more than one place. The options for use are plentiful and it comes with some suggestions of different positions you might like to try. Because the Crescendo is bendable, it is body adapting, and this is another real plus for us. I have tried lots of toys designed to stimulate the clit and often the buzz ends up being in the wrong place so to have something which can mould to you, makes a lot of sense.

 

The Crescendo ticks the boxes as a state of the art technical toy and comes complete with a smart app and fully customizable patterns. For those of you who are creative you can add your own vibrations or you can download from the app. It took us oldies a little bit of time to work out how to charge and switch on but I think the fault there was more on our part than on the toy. Fully wireless, it sits neatly on a charging pad and I think we were looking for something a bit more Luddite, like a plug and socket rather than a flashing light.

 

Crescendo 1For a relatively discrete wireless vibrator the Crescendo has a lot of power. The six motors are spread along the toy and each can be controlled independently to create the right sort of feel for you. So not only can it bend to the shape of your body, be used in a way which hits the right spots, it can also be customised to have the right speed and intensity where and when you want it. How cool is that? Despite the power it is relatively quiet which is always a consideration when you live in a house which has ears in the walls like we do.

 

While versatility is the key with the Crescendo, we wanted something that would work for us as an easy clit stimulator while we HL’s hands were engaged in other types of play. To be able to do this while at the same time enjoying a good spanking or some anal play would mean heightened levels of arousal and pleasure. Other toys we had tried were either the wrong shape or didn’t allow the right level of buzz. The Crescendo worked much better for this as it was able to be moulded to the right shape and also was powerful enough to be used successfully for foreplay.

 

On the down-side, the Crescendo is not a cheap toy although as the one vibe that does it all, the £129.00 could be justified. We also found the controls to be a bit fiddly. It took some time to work out way through the various settings to find the basic vibration that we wanted and in some ways that part was too customisable for us. However, for others this would be an advantage so I don’t hold that against it. While it is powerful it is buzzier than something like a wand so for those who prefer more rumbly vibrations it might not work as well.

 

All in all I would recommend the Crescendo to those who want something flexible which can be used in a variety of ways and don’t mind about the cost. It may take a little time to find what works for you but it is well worth persevering with. Mystery Vibe market the Crescendo as “the world’s first truly unisex and universal vibrator. The ultimate in personalised pleasure – your shape, your pattern, your way.” This is true and the only real criticism I have is the fact that I prefer slightly stronger, more rumbly vibrations.


Our theme this week is warming up and cooling down so I wanted to focus on how this works within a D/s play relationship. These thoughts are based on my own experience so should be taken as suggestions only, as different things will work for different people. However, in my opinion, just like with exercise, a warm up or build up to a scene will really add to the experience, as will having some sort of cool down or aftercare.

During exercise, a warm up gradually revs up your cardiovascular system by raising your body temperature and increasing blood flow to your muscles. Warming up may also help reduce muscle soreness and lessen your risk of injury. Similarly within a scene, building up or providing some sort of notice of what you plan to do will aid a submissive with being in the right mindset and allow the physical responses to come more easily. It will also enhance the emotional connection between you and allow an increase in trust.

Creating a sense of anticipation is also really important as it can keep the sub feeling aroused and expectant. At the same time they may be nervous and excited which will mean that they are thinking about what is going to happen. This will not only arouse them but also heighten the senses so that when play begins, they are highly attuned and responsive. Being prepared mentally will also mean that they are less likely to have an issue with negative triggers.

A build up can take a variety of forms and within play, couples will reveal more or less information depending on what works for them. It may be that the sub is given some instructions about how to prepare for the scene including things such as grooming in a particular way, choosing implements or toys, arranging props or selecting various items of clothing. The build up can start days before the scene, or it may be that it is left until much closer, but having some sort of warm up will really help.

Another thing that can work really well is making sure that the submissive waits in a certain position before play begins. This could be kneeling or something more vulnerable but it will allow them to focus their mind and think about what is going to happen. Inspections are another tool that can be used to make sure that the submissive is feeling vulnerable and also to allow the Dominant to set the dynamic for themselves as well as for their sub. A reminder of safewords and protocols will be another way of not just checking in, but also of reinforcing what is about to happen.

In exercise terms, cooling down after your workout allows for a gradual recovery of pre-exercise heart rate and blood pressure. Again, with play, this is a crucial part which, if missed out, can make things really difficult for both the top and for the bottom. During a scene the submissive may go quite deeply into their submissive space, as well as experiencing the effects of the chemical changes which take place in the brain, particularly if play is intense.

The rush of adrenaline and endorphins can send the submissive on a real high, so there can be a genuine chemical ‘come down’ to follow. Aside from that the submissive will likely have felt emotionally vulnerable at various point. The heightened trust in the Dominant will create an intense connection between the two and may lead to a feeling of neediness or dependency. This is something which can be a really positive part of play, provided the aftercare provided it is effective.

Aftercare may involve using soft blankets to make the submissive feel safe and warm as they come down from subspace. Having drinking water to hand is always a must and some people might like to have something special to eat, such as chocolate.  Close physical contact to the Dominant is probably the most important thing as this will reinforce the feeling of safety and the strong emotional connection. Part of aftercare may include talking through some of the play that took place and the emotions and feelings which go with it.

If a cool down doesn’t take place after exercise it can lead to sore or pulled muscles later on and in the same way, if aftercare is not given, it can lead to a feeling of being tired, physically unwell and emotionally upset both for the submissive and sometimes for the Dominant. These posts on sub drop and Dom drop deal with these feelings in more detail.  As long as aftercare is given, the aftereffects of an intense period of play will hopefully be minimised. As with anything, being aware of what can happen will always make it easier not only to prevent, but also to deal with if it does occur.

The sort of adrenaline high experienced during a BDSM scene has been compared before to the type of elation that people can feel after extreme exercise, such as participation in a marathon. While we are not going to be in training in the same way, some preparation will really help, as will some good aftercare following play.  The effects can be both physical as well as emotional so being ready mentally is really important as it will help you to have the best possible experience.

Scene it done it

The first proper scene the we did when we started D/s was a forced orgasm scene and it remains one of the easiest ways for me to reach subspace. To get to that point would probably be between 4 and 6 separate orgasms but with rolling ones in between.

* * * * * * * * * *

It begins with my being instructed to have my bath and then come into the bedroom when I am ready. I can hear the music drifting through and I hear HisLordship moving around and getting things ready. When I come into the room he is dressed in an open shirt and he looks hot. I feel a wave of anticipation wash over me.  He waits while I hang up my robe so that I am naked in front of him and he looks at me. I feel my skin start to heat and he calls me over to him. He sits on the edge of the bed, takes my hands and pulls me into him. He breathes me in and kisses my body lightly as he lets out a breath and says, “God you are beautiful.”

 

He has set up the play bench and he tells me to lie on it. He then proceeds to secure me so that there is really no way I can move.  He instructs me to pull on each bond so that he knows they are tight enough and as each is fixed I can feel the tension rising within me. He puts a blindfold over my eyes and then plays with me a little, using some sensations to relax me and allow me to drift further into a submissive headspace. He teases with gentle tweaks and pulls on my nipples and I can feel what I think is the tip of a glass dildo which he rests on my clit as he touches me with a lubed finger.

 

I am aching for him and it sits like a deep weight all around my sex. He tells me how swollen I am and I feel like I might explode. The glass is frustrating as it is so light against me and I try to push into it but it moves with me and I hear him laugh. I can feel him reach away and then the sound of the wand coming to life. He uses the wand to edge me for quite a while but tells me that I mustn’t come. My focus is on fighting back the climax but he makes it harder by dipping a finger deep inside me.  I become more tormented as he adds a second finger and then changes to play with my arsehole.

 

I am moaning and groaning and he tells me that I am so easy. He pushes harder against my hole and tells me to relax as he increases the speed on the wand. I tell him that I have to come and he says no and slows it all down again. I exhale with a sigh as if the pressure is off but as soon as I feel I am starting to float with the motion, he builds it back up again. I beg him to let me come and he finally agrees, asking if I understood that once I start he will make me come again and again and that there will be no release from this.  My mind fights itself but I have lost control and I shout yes – that is fine – just let me come.

 

As the orgasm tears through me I move somewhere else and ride the waves that it brings me. All too soon I am aware of the intense buzz where it should not be and I wriggle to free myself from it.  I fight against my bonds but he has me fastened so securely with his ropes and cuffs that there is nothing I can do to escape.  He reduces the pressure of the wand a little in order to let me gather myself a bit and then he ups things again.  I can feel myself giving into it and tapping into something deep inside me. There is a part which is tuned into the rumble rather than the buzz and he draws this out as I push down onto the sensation rather than pushing up into it as he forces another orgasm from me.

 

This continues and he builds me up again and again, each time taking me a bit deeper.  I feel both desensitised and hypersensitive all at the same time. My body is reacting and responding but my mind can’t process it and I consciously detach from the thinking part of my brain and just melt into the sensation. It is as if I am freeing my mind from my body and giving it up. It is like I am being pulled out of myself and am drifting  further away from my reality with every orgasm he takes, but still he keeps going. I have no idea how many times I come but just when I think I can take no more, he seems to stop momentarily and I think that is it. I am throbbing with the heat and the need and hear him say that he thinks I have at least one more in me.

 

I don’t know how he knows where I am at, but there must be signs and he reads them. I doubt that I can come again but soon I feel it building up once more. It seems impossible; it seems too much. The sensation is overwhelming, confusing, and I can’t process it, can’t work out if it is pleasure or pain or if I am here or not. He holds me on the edge then brings me up again and this time as I come I can feel myself let go, not in a control way but in a basic existence kind of a way.  My body slumps, I go limp, and I feel that I am no longer part of it. I can hear the wand still rumbling away but I can’t feel it anymore. I can hear his voice talking to me but can’t work out what he is saying and I drift, almost delirious, in that place where there is no time.

* * * * * * * * * *

Most of our scenes are sexual and so often we will end with him fucking me although depending how I am, he may move straight to aftercare. If I have been in subspace like this and haven’t been allowed to touch him then that physical connection with him will overwhelm me; it will prolong the ecstatic state that I am in so it is something that he will usually build in, although I am aware that he is very careful as he knows that I will find communication difficult. The aftercare will always come at the end of a scene and will usually involve me falling asleep on him for a while.

 

Other ‘Scene it, Done it’ posts on submissy:
Hotel Scene
Sensory Scene
Schoolgirl Scene

 

respect the rules

Rules are pretty key to our relationship, although even without that I am a person who likes to have rules to follow. I suppose that is why a D/s marriage works so well for me as having rules and structure makes me feel safe. It makes sense of things and makes me feel as though I have a focus and can get things done. Without this I can feel a bit all over the place and it puts my stress levels right up.

 

I think it is hard to stick to rules if you really don’t see the value of them. If they are just there for the sake of it then there just doesn’t seem to be the weight to give them the importance that they need in order for me to stick with them. We have talked long and hard about the rules that we have and, although they may change or be adapted over time, we both agree on their value and importance to us.

 

We review our rules quite regularly and the discussion that we have around them is quite important to us. We also use them as part of the discussions that we have on a daily and weekly basis – as a sort of check in I suppose. This helps, not only in that it reinforces the rules and the importance of them, but also in that it forms part of the power exchange. If this doesn’t happen and HL doesn’t check, then they lose importance to me and I may start to slip up a bit in keeping to them.

 

Checking in regularly like this helps to keep our focus and also keep our mindset. Built into this will be some feedback; reward and/or punishment. For us, some things will be dealt with as they occur, but a lot will also come out of this discussion and from me self-reporting. I am more likely to do this when I have done something wrong so it is helpful that we talk about it so that HL can let me know when I have done well too. Too many negative can be overwhelming and demotivating but a ‘well done’ always works wonders!

 

As I said, we evaluate and evolve our rules and I have written about them on a number of occasions before.  See below for more about what we do and how it works, but namely our rules fall into three main areas: respect, self-care and well-being. Some end up being pretty general and open to interpretation but we know each other quite well and there are no longer areas where we aren’t really on the same page about what is expected. Open communication has helped with this a lot and certainly at the beginning this was a bit trickier.

 

Showing respect and behaving respectfully towards HL is one of the general rules. This would include me asking rather than telling, using the correct tone, and showing that I have considered his thoughts and feelings in terms of what I do and what I say. There are also a number of rituals which go along with this which helps to reinforce the idea of behaving respectfully to him.

 

Self-care is an area which HL wanted to address through the rules. He felt irritated with some of the behaviours I had around the way I spoke about myself, both to him and to other people.  He doesn’t like to hear me put myself down and I hadn’t realised that it was a personal slight on him at times. These rules are more specific and include not speaking negatively about myself and also accepting compliments with the good grace that they were intended.

 

My rules surrounding well-being are specific too and they concern sleep, diet and exercise. I realise that this is not an area which everyone wants to link to their relationship, but for us how I feel physically has a strong bearing on how I feel emotionally. These are probably the most flexible of all the rules as they can be suspended by agreement depending on what we are doing at that time.

 

My being respectful towards HL means that he feels more valued and noticed. It feeds is Dominant mindset and helps him to feel  that he is in control and that he is genuinely leading. Infractions in this area will be dealt with quickly, usually at the time, and punishment will vary. The self-care rules are also really about respect and about recognising that I am his and should try to see myself as such.

 

These and the well-being rules are ones where I will be expected to self-report if he has not been around to witness what has happened. There are set punishments for breaking these rules and they ‘match’ with the rule itself so that carrying out the punishment helps to reflect and reinforce that particular rule. By having rules which help to improve my health and well-being, I feel better about myself and therefore it is easier for him. Essentially I feel sexier which is something he likes to take advantage of.

 

A lot of the things that we do are things that people might do anyway in a non-D/s type relationship but having them there in a way which makes me accountable adds a formality and structure which reinforces our power exchange. Rather than feeling onerous they actually feel supportive and rather than me resenting them, they actually make me feel cared for and safe so it works very well for us.

 

Previous posts on rules on submissy:
Broken Rules
Rules, Resets and Roleplay
Two New Rules
New Term New Rules
Rules
Rules and Rituals

I have always said that I am not a ‘service sub’. My evidence for this has been the fact that I don’t particularly like doing chores (it certainly doesn’t turn me on) and that I complete household tasks as and when required and because they need to be done, so it has never really been linked to my D/s relationship. However, LittleLove recommended a book called ‘Real Service’, see Little Pearls Site, where she wrote an excellent review of the book. This book has got me really thinking and I realise now that I was totally mistaken in my understanding (or rather my misunderstanding) of what a service submissive was. 

 

To be honest, the book does focus on an M/s type dynamic as that is what the authors have, but I think that it is relevant for anyone who is in a relationship where the power exchange covers more than just the sexual aspects, as it is likely that a lot of the rest is based around service. Although service in a D/s dynamic is often seen as being sexual, this book is about ‘real service’ so focusses on the every day things that you do for each other in the real world and examines how that adds to your dynamic. It has made me think that actually most relationships which are 24/7 or lifestyle relationships would have those other elements of service as part of them, and that service is a part of my relationship with HisLordship – although having read the book I would not say that I am not really doing it very well.

 

Quite near the start of the book the authors look at the motivations for service and my actions come from a mixture of all three, depending on what it is I am doing. Sometimes I do it because I might benefit from it, sometimes it is out of love and sometimes it is because I like making other people happy and doing what they want. It has made me realise that to be a bit more aware of why I am doing something may help me to do it more effectively, or at least to value the act itself. I think that it will help my mindset to see some of these actions as serving, as that is what they are, I just had not thought of them in this way before.

 

It also tied in with what I wrote recently about active and passive submission. What the authors talk of with regard to service is reactive and proactive. I am definitely more proactive in what I do but realise that I have fallen into many of the traps that the book describes as being negative. One of these is doing things my own way, rather than thinking about how HL would like them to be done. I am certainly guilty of thinking that my way is better at times and also in doing things because I would like them and therefore think that he should too, which is obviously not service at all. It is pointed out quite clearly that unless service is wanted by the Dominant, it is not real service.

 

I realised that I need to spend much more time watching HL and thinking about what he actually likes and how he actually does things. Since he has been at home more of the time, I realise that I may not have allowed him the space to do things as he would like, but have expected him to do it in the way that I would usually complete the task. I thought I was being submissive as I tried to explain in a respectful way how it ‘worked best’ but I now realise how much this was probable a challenge to his Dominance. I think this has come about as he has taken over the lead in some of the jobs that were previously mine. I still help with those and have expected to do it in the same way, rather than fitting in with his new way – the one that suits him.

 

The authors describe styles of Dominance as being on a continuum which fits in with the styles of service. While Sir enjoys taking care of me and expects me to follow orders, he also enjoys being looked after and his needs being met so he is someone who likes anticipatory service. He is not one for issuing a lot of tasks for me to complete throughout the day as he finds that quite onerous and prefers me to be proactive, although in some areas he will do it. I think that we could improve things quite easily by being more defined in what we do. I do some of the ‘chores’ because I have always seen them as mine and have not really seen the link to D/s before even though we have talked about it.

 

One example is the planning and buying of food. Once a week I plan out all the meals and then will do a grocery shop (usually online).  This is something that I have always done and I manage to do it well, while sticking to the monthly budget we have agreed on. I have never before seen this as an act of service, even though it is something that HL has asked that I do. To be honest I find it tiresome and sometimes I would like help with it. Seeing it as an act of service, however, gives it a different slant. It now feels much more important to me that I am able to do it competently and in a way which will impress him. Like the people who start with DD and find themselves drifting into D/s, I feel that suddenly I am seeing the appeal to some of the more mundane household tasks as being part of the service I give. A bit of a light-bulb three years in, but better late than never.

 

Sometimes I have been frustrated that HL doesn’t seem to notice when I don’t complete some of the tasks that I have been set. This is also discussed in the book and it ties back to the idea that to be of value, the service has to be wanted by the D type and not something that the s type wants to do. Some of the things that we do have been because I initiated or asked for them. It is all very well for me to do these as part of my anticipatory service but I cannot expect Sir to follow up on them. This is something else that I have done in the past I think, and I have become frustrated at times when it seemed that he didn’t value them.

 

I see now that we need to go back and find things which matter to him. A lot of our rules and rituals were put in place to help me to feel submissive and I think we need to look at things which actually help him and make his life easier, more pleasant or help his mindset. He will notice, for example if I try to open the car door myself or if my nails are not done, but he may not notice if I drink the required amount of water or not. Both are rules but not doing one obviously irritates him and the other doesn’t. Both are of value and I think it is good for me to keep drinking the right amount of water, but I can only expect him to correct the behaviours that he really values. I think that I have to accept that just because I think things are good ideas, doesn’t mean that he will want to do them and that by doing things that make him happy, they will become important to me. I hope that HL will agree to review things and be more open with me about which ones he values and wants to keep and which ones he doesn’t.

 

So overall I feel that I have learnt a lot of really helpful things – thank you LittleLove. One – to try to look at our rules and protocols and work out which ones are important to Sir and put less emphasis on the others. Two – to discuss the tasks which he wants me to do and have a more service minded approach to completing them. And three – to watch him more closely and try to do things which I think that he will want me to do for him, rather than things that I want to do for him. Quite a lot to work on there and it won’t happen overnight, but I am feeling positive about another new twist on the way we build the power exchange into our relationship.

 

I wrote this post over a year ago and it was published on submissy. Since then I think that things have improved and the revelations I had have helped me to become better at service in general. I have also become aware that there are a lot more submissives active on the site whose dynamic has more of a DD slant and who serve on a much more domestic level to me. It would be really good to know how it works for you, either in a longer post, or via the comments, or through the forums. If you start a forum thread then please let me know so that I can link it here.

 

For information the book that I read was Real Service and I can thoroughly recommend it.

I posted this on my own blog in November 2016 so it is certainly not new. When I wrote the review on the Ruby Glow today I realised that I had never posted it here and thought it might be good for reference. For information we are still going strong with the Doxy and it is a well used and well loved part of our toy collection. We have since purchased the smaller Doxy which feels a little different so I think I will do a comparison soon for those who haven’t tried them.

 

I mentioned in my last post that we went to sexpo last year and that when we were there we bought ourselves a brilliant new wand. This has to be the single best toy that we have bought so far and although it was pretty pricey, it was worth every penny.  Prior to this we had a magic wand bought from Love Honey which was fine as long as no-one was within a 2 mile radius of our house.  Ok I exaggerate but, while it delivered pleasing sensations, the noise it produced as a result was something akin to a road drill, so certainly not something to use when the kids were at home.  

 

At the time, many of the submissives I knew were based in America and talked with great enthusiasm about their Hitachi wands, with their powerful high speed vibrations and a plethora of exciting attachments to purchase for them. I looked the Hitachi up online more than once but everything I read warned me that to use it the in the UK, even with a converter, would be a bad move.  They had a track record of catching on fire due to the voltage difference and, although I would say that Sir and I definitely have hot sex, I didn’t want to actually catch alight – especially down there!

 

When we first saw the doxy die-cast wand, it was HisLordship and not me who fell in love. It was presented more like something that you might find in the aisles of a high end hardware shop, rather than in Anne Summers, with its handy zip up storage case and the shiny metal body of a  must-have power tool.  As if it wasn’t sold before the man on the stall explained that it was “made from an aluminium and titanium alloy which is manufactured in a foundry using a high pressure injection cold chamber die casting machine and after casting, each Doxy Die Cast Wand body goes through a rigorous five stage polishing process which brings the high lustre finish to life.”

 

This is a Dom’s wand if ever I saw one!  We do not play in clubs or out with others, but if we did, Sir would be proud to carry it in and show it off. Not only does the Doxy look amazing but it is heavier than many wands which means that it is really powerful and also very quiet which for us has meant that we can use it whenever and wherever we like and this has revolutionised our play, although it can still be a struggle for me not to make a noise where this thing is concerned. The vibrations are so strong that even the lowest setting will get a real reaction and I would consider the higher ones to be pure punishment!  The heaviness means that I am not left feeling numb after use and Sir’s hand is not still buzzing long into the early hours which was also an issue with the lighter one that we had previously. The control buttons also light up with cool blue LED lights so you can see them in the dark too.

 

All in all, we love this wand.  It was a fair amount to shell out on a toy but we were not disappointed. We also bought another product from the company and when we had an issue they were very apologetic and replaced it without question.  So often these days we cannot buy British, and if we do we can feel that the technology is a bit clunky, but with the doxy die cast, I really feel that this is not the case.  A year on, with heavy use, and we are still enjoying the wand as much as the day we bought it. So for anyone out there who is looking to silently and seriously get their rocks off, this could be the one for you.

The Ruby Glow is a “dual-action vibrator and intimate massager.” According to Rocks Off who make the toy, when you try it “you will understand what makes it an exhilarating hands-free ride. It is a saddle-style, non-penetrative clitoral vibrator which can be used even when fully clothed. Shopping online, working from home, and reading erotica are re-imagined when riding the Ruby Glow.”

 

I first saw The Ruby Glow at Eroticon where is was showcased by the lovely Tabitha Rayne, author and artist, who designed it. I was struck not only by the uniqueness of the idea, but also by the way it looked and felt. We own a Rock Chic, also by Rocks Off, and despite this being quite old now it is still an active part of our toy box, so I made the assumption that the quality of the Ruby Glow would be the same. I was not disappointed.

 

The first thing worth noting about the Ruby Glow is the packaging. It is classy and understated which is really nice for a sex toy. I can see that it would appeal to the type of person who might not usually use sex toys or might be buying or trying for the first time. The vibrator itself is also lovely to look at. It is smooth and silky to the touch which makes it ideal for its clothes-on or clothes-off opportunities.

 

Because it is a sit on ride, the tagline is pleasure for the seated lady, it suits those who want to be hands free or are less mobile. This was a first for me as I usually lie down and hold a vibrator to my clit. What it did mean was that the whole area was stimulated, clitoris, vagina and also the public bone. Because people are all different shapes and sizes, there may be a difference in how it feels. For me it worked well and also tingled around my anus which was an added bonus.

 

Bearing down on it means that it is quite powerful for a battery toy and it is easy to rub against it with the parts that you want to stimulate. In addition there are a number of different speeds and pulse patterns for each of the two power buttons. These are easily accessed as they are right at the front but it took me a while to find one which suited. It was a case of pressing through them if you lost the one you wanted but I think this would be easier the more you used it.

 

As a simple girl, a straight buzz is what I like best but for those who are more adventurous, like variety or want to edge, there are loads of different combinations, meaning that you would likely find one that you enjoyed. It takes a while to get used to them and the two buttons work separately so where it provides versatility and flexibility, it is also quite complicated to get to know. However, exploring is always fun so I wouldn’t use that against it.

 

The Ruby Glow is made of body safe silicone which means it slides across your skin without too much drag. I did notice after use that it had picked up some dust which I was able to remove with toy cleaner. It is sold as splash proof rather than waterproof so I was careful when cleaning it especially around the battery area. Being able to be hands free meant that I could pinch my nipples at the same time which was an added advantage as with so many other vibrators I need my hands to stay where they are.

 

The Ruby Glow retails at £39.99 and I think that this is good value for the quality you are getting. It would suit someone who wants hands free external stimulation, those who want to remain seated and those who enjoy different vibration patterns. While it looks good, it is not the most discrete of toys. I also found it to be quite noisy and struggled to switch it off at times. However, overall the novelty of the Ruby Glow appeals to me and I think it would work well for those who enjoy stimulation while they are sitting.

I have always had a good pain threshold. Pain was always something that I could manage and make work for me so I probably would have said back in the vanilla world that I was a masochist, or at the very least, masochistic.  When we started D/s I was able to explore my relationship with pain as well as my relationship with pleasure. I began to move away from the idea of being a masochist at this point really. I suppose I had the opportunity to discuss the use of pain as part of play much more openly with people who did it a lot and I realised that there was a difference in terms of where it took them, which I explored in The painful truth.

What I have learnt, however, is that I am an emotional masochist. This was pointed out to me by my friend furcissy who is a great source of information on all things BDSM. He defines an emotional masochist as “someone who gets arousal or sexual gratification from experiencing emotional suffering.  This suffering can happen in a number of ways.  Humiliation, anxiety, degradation, embarrassment, hurt feelings, and heartbreak are some examples of the types of suffering that an emotional masochist may to.  Basically, things that do not feel good.”

Experiencing emotional discomfort in the form of humiliation and shame is something that takes me to a completely different place than the physical pain and discomfort caused by heavy impact play. Although I enjoy it, physical pain will push me deeper into myself and therefore further from HisLordship whereas emotional pain will draw me out of myself and closer to him. I know that this sort of masochism is not the type which is widely spoken about, and there are often misunderstandings surrounding it. Just to clarify, I am not saying for one minute that I get off on being emotionally abused or mistreated.

What I have found is that these sort of acts, under the right set of circumstances, can be a huge trigger to me finding my submissive space and also to keeping me there. As I wriggle and squirm and am confronted with what I really am, the cognitive dissonance created pushes me deeper and deeper into my own submission, and into subspace. The discomfort can lead to me being so highly aroused that nothing else seems to register. My heart races, my senses are heightened, I am out of control of my reactions and responses and nothing else matters other than the connection that I have to him.

Although I can admit that I am an emotional masochist, I struggle to admit the ‘what’ and the ‘how’ in specific terms. I find it embarrassing: both the fact that I like it and the specifics of what I would like him to do. I don’t want to admit that this is something that turns me on, and I can’t take ownership of the detail of what exactly will press my buttons. It goes against the very idea of what I am, although ironically it is only through the ‘forced’ acceptance and acknowledgement of what I am, that I am able to reach this state and find the freedom that I crave. I cannot ask for what I want because I don’t want to want it, if that makes sense.

Another issue is that because this is something that turns me on, it has become a large part of my inner voice during play. I think there is a hesitation in handing that power over to someone else. I cannot ask him to do this to me; he has to take the control from me and do it because he knows it is what I need and want. And I need him to let me know that is what he is going to do, is doing, and has done. In life I have sought to surround myself with those who will seek to negate the words and thoughts of my inner voice, not work with them, so to take that down a different road with someone I trust and love is a thought which is both exciting and scary at the same time. So I hesitate. And I hide.

It is tricky because I do not enjoy feeling humiliated and ashamed per se, but within the right context and the right environment, with the safety of the person I love, the feelings which come from it will arouse me. The cognitive dissonance created will mean that I am freed of what I was before. I will be reduced to the point that none of that matters. In being exposed for what I am, I can leave that part of me behind. I have nothing to lose because that tough layer of self-protection has been broken apart. It has gone and he has seen what is at the centre. Not only has he brought about my reduction to this, having seen what is left, he still loves me and wants me.

I tried to explain how it worked when writing about the wearing of a tail. Usually the feelings come from doing things which I see as forbidden, or dirty or wrong. Having to admit that I get off on the things I shouldn’t want to do and acknowledge the parts of me that I have always pushed away, causes a level of discomfort that is a trigger to  feeling submissive and aroused. I simultaneously want, and don’t want, to do these things so the two lines of thought from the two parts of me collide. The fact that I have not only permitted it but also got off on it, means that I have to throw aside the sort of girl I feel I should be and embrace the sort of girl I am. That brings a huge sense of freedom. I can just be. I can just exist for him and as what he has made me.

 

Post originally published on submissy

For the last while we have been sending out a weekly newsletter containing details of the theme for the week, and links to the chats, the featured posts and the forum.

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