Many new submissives experience subfrenzy without knowing anything about it. Although subfrenzy is something discussed in most BDSM circles, the can be a scarcity of information online to help understand how it can appear when D/s is introduced into a long term relationship. Whether you are in a play type dynamic or a D/s lifestyle, […]
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Electroplay is something that we enjoy and through chats on the topic, we have managed to pique the interest of some of the other members who have also now tried it and enjoyed it. I thought it might be an idea to write a post outlining what we see as being the key things to […]
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I am always on the search for a good clit stimulator. I have some of the sucker kind and find they work well for me, especially when I use them myself. So when toy company Sohimi asked me to review some of their products, I thought it would be fun to try a remote control […]
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The topic for wicked wednesday this time is self care. I have written about Why D/s helps with my self care over on Submissy but I thought this time I would take a different approach and apply the principles to our D/s relationship. Applying self care principles to a D/s relationship Self care is “a […]
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BDSM can involve placing yourself in a vulnerable position, both physically and emotionally, so it goes without saying that safety will be on your mind. Whether you are Dominant or submissive, you are taking risks and you need to know and feel that this will be safe for you. Most BDSM play involves some risk […]
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I realised that we didn’t have a post about orgasm control so thought it would be an idea to write one. As always, there is no wrong or right so these are just suggestions about what you might want to try which are based on my own experience. What is Orgasm Control? Orgasm control is […]
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Rope play is the topic for Tell Me About this week and I realised we didn’t have a post about it on our blog so wanted to put something together. What I have done is to try to collect some resources by way of advice and instruction as there is quite a lot out there […]
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This post is part of our Dom sub workbook and involves using focus questions to look more closely at Dominant submissive mindset. Mindset, accessing and maintaining it, was one of the areas that came up following the reflection we did as part of Setting goals for D/s. It was something that we both wanted to […]
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A mindset is a set of beliefs which affects how you think, feel and behave. People refer to having a fixed mindset where you can often be set in your opinions, or a growth mindset where you are more open to change. There has been a lot of work done around mindsets in general terms […]
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So welcome to the New Year and with that comes the thought of what we want to get from it in a variety of ways. For HL and I this involves thinking about personal goals and achievements but also ones for the site and for our D/s. This post falls into the latter category and […]
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For the last three years I have completed some sort of D/s Advent Calendar. If you are interested, you can find the details here, but essentially they were about giving to HL, celebrating our dynamic, and doing something nice for each other in the run-up to Christmas. This year has been so different for everyone […]
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The first thing I want to say is that you don’t need a D/s contract. This site is not somewhere that we tout the one true way of D/s relationships so whenever I write an instructional piece I always shudder at the thought that someone might think that this is a how to guide. The […]
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What is Intimacy? Intimacy is a feeling of knowing another person deeply and feeling deeply known by them. It is created over time and comes from a deep connection on a number of levels. There are different types of intimacy, including physical, emotional, experiential and intellectual. Often people assume that intimacy is about a sexual […]
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In relationships, knowing your partner’s limits and boundaries is essential. If you don’t know what they are then you can’t observe them. Neither can you push them. In a D/s relationship this is even more important. Observing limits and boundaries is part of building trust in the other person. So is communicating around your own […]
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As a pastime, journaling seems it seems to have undergone a surge in popularity in recent years, with people turning to journals as a response to a busy and over-committed life where they need to take time out for themselves to reconnect and organise the many demands. It can be a helpful way to de-clutter […]
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What is a reset? I am not sure if resets are things which exist formally in D/s relationships or if they are something we have made up, but if it isn’t a thing then it should be because it is quite important. It was only when I was thinking about it for the chat we held […]
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We are delighted to announce that The SafeworD/s Club Book Group is back. New and improved and starting from the 25th June, monthly book discussions will commence! To find out more about how to get involved and the format the book club will take, please read on. Your Host The SWC Book Group will be […]
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In psychological terms codependency refers to a relationship which is unhealthy. While, as an English teacher I want to say that the prefix co means jointly and dependent means needing the support of someone, we cannot get away from the fact that language has evolved to establish a meaning in more general terms. So for […]
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Sometimes people in D/s relationships feel that there is little room left for being romantic. Why is this? Well one reason could be because the elements of romance are so well embedded in what you do anyway that you have stopped noticing they are there. Creating a sense of excitement and mystery may be one […]
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For the majority of people who are into BDSM, pain and pleasure seem to walk hand in hand. How you feel and the way that you experience each will vary greatly from person to person and will be dependent on a variety of other factors, but there is usually a close relationship between the two. […]
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