The TellMeAbout prompt this time around is Service. Missy has written a very personal piece on the subject (here) and in it self is another way-marker for me to see where she stands on the subject, and also gives me some prompts for our relationship. It is not the first she has penned thoughts on the subject and this down to the fact that service to each other is an important part of our D/s.
From my perspective I see service a very person thing. Yes, there are some good books out there explaining the physiological aspects of service based relationships and a few more ‘nuts-and-bolts’ books giving you examples of structure. Some of these touch on 1950’s values, which are completely gender free, aside that some reference the 50’s perfect housewife. Despite that, there is a lot to be gleaned from such things albeit a little tongue in cheek. I am sure no woman stood on the door step in freshly pressed clothes, holding out the husbands lunch box, (no pun intended) his overcoat and slightly out of focus three children eating breakfast and behaving impeccably! The American Dream for some maybe, an American Horror Story for others!
What can be taken from these forms of reference? Probably an ideal I would say, however, your ideal is different to mine. Firstly service to me has to be genuine. If I am going to do something then I want to do it because I know the other person will value it, and in turn I get something back. If the service is being provided to me then I want it to be, in part, a surprise. An example – Last week I had a meeting on-line (written at the time of COVID-19) which ran into late afternoon. From behind me Missy placed a large Gin & Tonic on my desk and left. It was such a nice thing to do, and despite the fact she had made herself one and maybe didn’t want to wait for me to finish the meeting, it was a nice small gesture that made my colleagues quite envious!
Service appears in our daily life with politeness and common courtesy, however, is that really service in D/s sense? I would say yes, as a foundation. If you want to build something strong, well, a good foundation is the best start. If the next step is to make an impact, then the service needs to be openly intentional. A statement that this is being done for your pleasure and because I am getting something from it too. I suppose in some sense you put more effort into it, to make it memorable. If Missy asks to suck my cock, then there would be feeling behind the offer. The request would be needy, and sexy, the act would enthusiastic focused on trying to drive me orgasm. Something that really makes you feel awarded.
Until writing the last paragraph, I had not seen service as ‘Award & Reward’ which I quite like as a phrase. A lot of people get something from giving gifts, watching the other person’s reaction as the box opens and there is a golden glow reflecting upwards. All your hard work in selecting the perfect gift and that moment where they show their appreciation of your efforts landing as you wanted them to. There’s a small buzz, and the same can be said for service in a D/s relationship.
I would summarise by saying that Service comes down to making a conscious effort, in my opinion. Opposed to making to coffee, or preparing a daily meal which are pretty much auto responses, it is going that extra mile which says, ‘I have thought about you and this how I want to show you how much I value our relationship.’