Anal play is something that I have posted about a bit on submissy but as anal sex was the prompt for Kink of the Week I thought that I would add my thoughts here too. Anal was something that I had thought about before HisLordship, but had never been with anyone who had suggested it, so like with most things I kept my fantasies hidden and didn’t suggest it either. I knew Sir for quite while before we were together and the first time we were in bed together he asked if he could put his finger in my arse. I said yes and in a deep, low whisper directly into my ear he told me just to relax. I melted, did as instructed and at that point I knew that this relationship was different to the ones I had been in before. I think we both knew pretty quickly that it was something we had to hold on to, and were excited to explore the hidden fantasies that we had both held silently for so long, enjoying the kink and finally arriving at the D/s dynamic we have today.
For us anal has always been about the thrill of exploring our ‘forbidden’ and we engage in quite a bit of anal play. This was something that did happen prior to D/s but did not play nearly such a big part. I would say that much of this is because Sir really wanted to include more of it and the fact that he was now able to take what he wanted meant that he did. It was something that I had always fantasised about but was one of those areas that I also had a bit of anxiety about. The power exchange meant that I no longer had to worry about it – my role was to submit to his will, feel not think, and just enjoy it. Having said that, it did help greatly when I learnt to relax. Tension caused by a bit of fear that it would hurt, meant that it really was less likely to go well. We found that it was very important to build up to it. We started small, with a finger or a small toy, always with lots of lube, and took it from there. I think that, as with anything, it was a case of exploring together, communicating with each other and learning what was going to work best for each of us.
I admit that I had a bit of a love hate relationship with anal sex to begin with. I wanted it but didn’t. I loved it but was afraid of it. It hurt in a good way but also in a not so good way sometimes. So it took us a while to really get what we both wanted out of it in a consistent way. Prior to that it was a bit unpredictable – a hit or a miss. But the hits outweighed the misses and we kept going with it and got better at it. I think that a big part of this was communication. Although we had always dabbled with kink, until we had the structure of the D/s the communication about play wasn’t really there in the same way. This helped us hugely and let us take some real leaps forward into exploring our desires.
One thing that has always helped to relax me for anal is engaging in some erotic spanking or impact play. Usually I will be lying on my front and quite often it will be over his knee although this wouldn’t always be the case. As the impact builds and I adjust to it I begin to become lost in the sensation. I absorb it with my body and my mind and enter a state where I am very relaxed. The muscles you relax in order to take the impact are the same ones you need to relax for anal play so it works as an ideal preparation for me. The same is true of the sensations and arousal caused by other forms of play and the wand is another useful toy as it can quickly bring me to this point. At the beginning, being absorbed in what we were doing and feeling the sense of an orgasm building did help me to ‘open up’ but now it is much more automatic and my body responds to Sir’s touch and will without the need for the same build up.
Although we began using a finger and took it from there, we have purchased a number of anal toys since starting out. One of the best things we bought was a lube syringe and for heavier anal sessions, we have found that it works really well. This actually came about through discussion, as one of my fantasies had involved the use of such a thing. Sir then located a set of two for about £5 from Bondara I think, and it turned out to be such a practical piece of equipment that it has probably been one of our best buys. It is great for anal sex and for play with the larger toys such as the anal hook. My favourite toy is a twisted glass dildo and I also love wearing the tail Sir bought me which has a metal plug as I love the weight and feel of the glass and metal the best. Silicone is also good and I have a great little plug that is ideal for longer wear if Sir wants to use one when we are out.
One of the things that I love about anal sex is that it makes me feel completely vulnerable and owned by Sir, and the connection that gives us is huge. I love the forbidden aspect and the feeling of humility that I get from it. I like being his ‘dirty girl’ and doing those things that ‘other people’ wouldn’t do for him. I also sometimes feel a need to be completely overwhelmed and consumed by him and this is one of the ways that this need can be easily met. So although initially I had some reservations and some limits surrounding anal play, these have slowly been worked through and pushed until it is just another thing that we enjoy as a couple and forms part of the way we express ourselves and explore together.
I would say that if you are starting off then you should take things slowly and build up to anal sex once you get to know how your body works and what things you like. As with all things BDSM, safety is important. You need to be careful about cross contamination and it is also a good idea for anal sex to use a condom. In addition, Sir always has a box of black latex gloves close by which means that he can use me as he wishes without constantly having to leave to wash his hands. My body responds to the mere sound of him slipping on a glove now as I know what is coming, proving that even safety can be very sexy when done the right way!