Accessories and Mindset

Accessories and Mindset

The theme for our topic chat this week is accessories and mindset. This really goes further than just thinking about what we wear as part of play, to tapping in to how accessories can make us feel. Sometimes certain things will bring with them a particular memory and trigger a feeling based on how they have been used before, or on what our previous experience of them has been. At the end of the day, the brain is the largest sex organ so to engage your brain before play through the use of items which will create the right mood, can be a really powerful thing.

Feeling submissive

There are lots of things that might make you feel more submissive and help you to move deeper into the mindset where you are letting go of yourself. For some, being naked will begin this process, but having one item to wear, a pretty necklace, a scarf or satin gloves might add not just a layer of anticipation and excitement about what is to come, but make you feel even more aware of your nakedness and therefore more vulnerable. For some even the wearing of stockings, heels and lingerie may make you feel more erotic and sexy.

Accessorising for a submissive can also be about evidencing the self-care and the standards that your Dominant expects. This could include nail polish, lipstick or makeup, or having your hair worn in a certain way. To braid your hair, knowing that it is to be used for predicament bondage, will likely push you deeper into your own submissive space. Being asked to accessorise with a butt plug might well do the same as your mind racing with thoughts of what is to come.

Feeling Dominant

A Dominant is in a different situation as they are leading the interaction. They know what is to come so will be using accessories to control how their submissive is feeling as well as to access their own mindset. Thinking about how to push their sub into that space through what they select for them to wear, issuing those instructions and the visual of seeing their sub obey and try to please them, may add a huge layer of control and a feeling of Dominance to begin with.

A Dom might also have clothes and accessories which have become part of that side of them and they may use this to access their Dominant headspace in the same way that they hope to do for their submissive. The stereotype of a Dom in a suit seems impractical for play but there may be items of clothing that make it work for you. Of course leather always has associations with power but it may just be that a certain item connects you to your Dominant side in a way which makes you feel more confident, more powerful, and more in control.

BDSM Accessories

The wearing of certain items with a practical purpose can also have a huge impact. Cuffs and/or a collar which are used for play will automatically lead to certain associations for both of you. There could be other items which form part of what you do and are worn at different points: latex gloves, spanking gloves or vampire gloves for example. There are also items like nipple clamps, clit clamps or chains which might be used to dress a person for play.

Using toys and equipment will also form part of setting the scene and work with both of your mindsets. Although this is more about dressing the setting than the people within it, there can be quite a powerful effect from the autosuggestion of some of these visual cues. A play bench in the corner, restraints on the bed, a spreader bar laying casually next to a crop will all work on the mind to help to make the transition to what is going to come.

The Senses

Although accessories would tend to focus on what we can see, the other senses can be equally as important in shifting you into a particular mindset. Smell is something that can really transport you to a place from the past, whether it is done by using a certain fragrance in the room, or through a scent which is worn by the person. Wearing a particular scent for play and for play only will automatically trigger a reaction in many people, helping access to the desired headspace.

Removal of sight can be a powerful thing and to wear a blindfold will immediately change the way a submissive experiences their surroundings, as well as heightening their vulnerability. Touch is also helpful and to use textures and temperatures which will draw attention to and highlight parts of the body can also be fun and be beneficial to building a sense of arousal and anticipation. Wearing an item which gently grazes or caresses the nipples for example, makes movement into a sensual thing.


Accessories are pretty huge for roleplay as they really help you access not just your own Dominant or submissive mindset, but also to access aspects of the character. A school tie, a Dr’s coat or a feather boa can all be used to say something about who you have become. A set of ears, torn clothing, or a tail can say something quite different. If you are venturing into the world of roleplay then you probably value the use of accessories and for many, the plans for this will start long before the scene.

Making sure that you can enter into the psyche and personality of your character will be key to its success, so those little things which help to transport you will make all the difference. While it often works best to play roles which you feel comfortable and can identify with, what you wear will often help you to make that shift and embrace that part of you, leaving behind the other side which would hold you back.

Everyone is Different

I have tried to include some suggestions and ideas here but obviously everyone is different so how you use accessories, and how successful that is, will largely depend on the people you are and the way that you work together. It is certainly not meant to be a how to guide and I know that, although I have refrained from using he and she, my thoughts are tailored at an M/f dynamic. While the practice will work the same for F/m, the examples I have used would not always fit.

I think that in general terms Dommes are really good at using clothing and accessories for themselves and for their subs in order to tap in to the feelings of power and vulnerability, and perhaps think more about the value of accessorising and dressing up than many of the male Doms do. But again, every relationship is different. So on that note, I am off to place some items strategically and see if the auto-suggestion works in reverse. Now that could be another post!

The featured image for this post belongs to Bijoux Indescrits, who sell a range of sensual accessories, erotic cosmetics, and intimate toys. We saw them first at Eroticon and really liked their range.

Please remember that you are welcome to join us for our Topic Chat on Accessories and Mindset, this Tuesday at 8pm (GMT)

Click to read more posts from the Play, Scenes and Kink category

Related Post: A Beginner’s Guide to Roleplay

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